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STBXH wants to take 1/3 DC on holiday

(16 Posts)
RenegadeTrek Mon 15-Aug-16 00:03:50

Name changed, this is pretty identifying but I hope STBXH doesn't use mumsnet.

STBXH & I seperated the first week of July, it was a long time coming & we're trying to sort out a routine for our 3 DC.

We have 2 DDs 14 & 11 and 1 DS, who's 6 years old with ASD. Over the holidays, STBXH has only seen the DC for 4 days, they've had one overnight at his new place, mainly because he's trying to get bedrooms sorted and he's getting work done at the property so their's lots of tools about etc and it's very unsafe for kids to be around.

He's been wanting to take DCs away on holiday and has been really excited, he's managed to find a last minute trip to Ireland, lovely place, lots of woods, close to the shops, beautiful scenery but he only wants to take DD2 (11) confused

He said DD1 wouldn't like it & DS would take all his time & energy so it wouldn't be a holiday for him hmm

DD1 has really struggled with the separation, she's constantly in a foul mood, leaving her at home whilst DD2 goes away isn't acceptable and DS would love the woods and the nature, he'd be an absolute handful but he'd be gutted if he was left behind & it would be very hard to try & explain/come up with a lie on why he couldn't go.

I want to say, take all 3 or take none at all.

Dozer Mon 15-Aug-16 00:07:25

Yanbu and you should do that as it's best for the DC if all or none go.

So you've had the DC almost all the time while he's been doing other things, yet he feels he somehow deserves a holiday from parenting 2 of his DC?


clam Mon 15-Aug-16 00:08:35

Well of course you must say that. He can't pick and choose who he parents, when.

debbs77 Mon 15-Aug-16 00:10:46

That's shocking! He can't choose!

legotits Mon 15-Aug-16 00:12:30

What a knob.

Insist on him taking each DC individualy for a week starting with DS.

Spend his time earning his hol.

Idliketobeabutterfly Mon 15-Aug-16 00:12:38

All or nothing. He sounds like a tosser.

RenegadeTrek Mon 15-Aug-16 00:13:44

Dozer, he's barely done any parenting, luckily the older 2 are pretty self sufficient & I've had childcare without any help from STBXH sorted ages ago. It's just galling that he thinks this is okay, he made it sound like I'd be depriving DD2 of a wonderful trip, when in fact he's the one depriving 2/3 DC

coconutpie Mon 15-Aug-16 00:16:58

What a selfish twat. He can't just do a pick n mix of his DC. What a dreadful position to put DD2 in and also such a heartless cruel thing to do to Dd1 and DS.

RenegadeTrek Mon 15-Aug-16 00:21:01

Coconut, they have no idea & I plan to keep it that way.

Lilacpink40 Mon 15-Aug-16 00:21:28

He's being a twat. A phrase I've learnt on here is "that doesn't work for me / us".

No big explanations or pleading / questioning. Just repeat the phrase and wait for an alternative.

My STBXH has seen little of our x2 DCs this summer. I offered him as much time as he wanted. He has seen them 1 or 2 days a week.

ExtraHotLatteToGo Mon 15-Aug-16 00:22:39

I can't think why he's your EX?


I wonder why he really wants to exclude DD1? DS I can 'understand' (but completely disagree with) his 'reasoning', but DD1 being excluded is weird. Has he always preferred DD2?

I thought you were going to say he only wanted to take DS. Only wanting to take DD2 just seems very, very odd.

ImissGrannyW Mon 15-Aug-16 00:23:44

Easy. There are 3 choices:

choice 1 - 3 x holidays, 1 for each child.

choice 2 - 1 x holiday for all children

choice 3 - no holiday.

Nothing else is fair.

EverySongbirdSays Mon 15-Aug-16 00:31:38


And what a way to indicate who your preferred child is. Jesus.

All the children who WANT to go or NONE

Bogeyface Mon 15-Aug-16 00:40:17

So he doesnt want the child who is hard work because of emotions, doesnt want the child who is hard work due to extra needs and wants the easy one who will adore daddy?

I cant imagine why you left him. hmm

YANBU. All or none at all and make sure you keep all correspondence about this for the divorce as he will bring it up in the mistaken belief that everyone else will agree that he is 100% right, his type always do.

RenegadeTrek Mon 15-Aug-16 00:42:05

ExtraHot, DD2 is the easy child, she never complains, barely speaks up, she goes with the flow, he'd have to do nothing but feed her on holiday whereas DD1 is currently very very hard to handle, lots of eye rolls, sighs, doors slamming and a stream of complaints, nothing is good enough right now. He's bought them back early from an outing once as DD1 just made the whole day too difficult (those were his actual words) I'm not suprised that he only wants to take DD2, I'm just suprised he suggested it, like it was a reasonable thing to do.

2kids2dogsnosense Mon 15-Aug-16 00:59:58

YANBU - apart from the fact that it is cruel to DD!, it will cause division and jealousy between your children which is unfair on them and on you (because he won't be coping with the fall-out).

If he agrees to take them each on separate holidays (he won't), make sure he takes DD! first in case he reneges.

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