To be pissed off with friends of ds's friends

[DontSweatTheSmallStuff]

so not the first time this has happened, and starting to annoy me now. Ds (10) will have a friend/friends(F) round and they are all playing nicely together, then there's a knock on the door and its friends of F (FoF) but not friends of ds asking if F is/are here. Not always the same FoF, some just ask outright if F wants to go and play with them, ds not invited, some try making up feeble excuses on the doorstep about why F needs to go with them when I ask why they want to know.
It doesn't help that ds has aspergers so the whole friendship thing can be tricky anyway.
Obviously I can't/don't stop F going off with FoF if they want to but ds is perfectly aware of what's going on and getting upset by it. He has even asked me not to answer the door.

I know they are all only 10 but am still suprised they think this is ok. I wouldn't have dreamed of knocking on someone's door I wasn't friends with and trying to get my friends to leave them behind when I was 10.

Thankfully F who is here today preferred to stay and all are having a great time in the paddling pool in back garden.

[WhereYouLeftIt]

How do these FoF know where to find F? Who is sending them to your door? It sounds to me as if these FoF turn up at F's door first and F's parents' response is 'F isn't here, he's at X's house' and then they must be saying where X's house is.

I'd be asking F's parents why these children I don't know come knocking on my door, and if they fessed up, asking them to stop sending them to me for me to deal with!

[YouSay]

I would not answer the door or say sorry friend is busy with my ds at the moment and it is in appropriate to keep calling to your house.

[DontSweatTheSmallStuff]

Some of them know where we live anyway, ds used to play with them. The parents are obviously telling them where F is. Think I'll just not answer the door or if I do turn it back on them and ask them to think how they'd feel if someone did that to them.

[RubbleBubble00]

I'd be wondering more why F parents are telling them he is playing at your house and to go knock the door? Are they happy with this friendship as they seem to be sabotaging it

[Paintedhandprints]

I wouldn't answer the door. Or tell fof to jog on.
Ds f is also very rude for leaving. I would have words with f's parents.

[bumsexatthebingo]

I think it's your ds's friends that are the problem leaving as soon as they get a 'better' offer and not even inviting your ds to go with them. If they don't already they'll soon all have mobiles and will be dumping your ds when another friend calls.

[DontSweatTheSmallStuff]

Just to clarify, F isn't always the same child, F just stands for Friend, and FoF aren't always the same children so it's not just one set of parents/children doing it. I think that's why I'm so annoyed, this seems to be a generally acceptable thing to do! Also credit to F who was here today, he didn't leave, he stayed, in fact he was here all day, and he made it quite clear he didn't want to go off with the others, he and ds get on really well.
I don't think his parents were trying to sabotage it, they just don't really think about the effect. ( they are quite happy for him to be out all day, he's (apparently) a nightmare at home but he's a lovely quiet, polite little angel when he's here but that's another story lol)

[Udderz]

'yes hes here but he's busy with my son. Bye' . then shut door quickly every time till they realise its pointless

[Udderz]

or 'he's busy, don't knock again' each time

[bumsexatthebingo]

I don't see the issue other than some of the f's have no manners! Sometimes kids will call at my house for a child who is playing here and they will either stay or go with my dc. I don't agree with ignoring the door or acting as bouncer though as that would seem a bit weird and possessive to me. Surely once you're past the playdate stage you can come and go as you please - even if you are offending friends in the process. Maybe suggest to your ds that he just invites friends like the one who came today for a while and if the others ask he can tell them it's because they keep buggering off! In nicer words obviously.