To feel so burnt out

(22 Posts)
TitusAndromedon Sat 16-Jul-16 20:05:09

I have eight month old twins. I am very lucky, as they are happy babies and they bring me so much joy and laughter. My husband is wonderful and does loads, despite also working quite long hours in a demanding job.

However, I'm just having one of those days where I feel like everything is so difficult, and I'm kind of done. They don't sleep through yet, which is fine, but still tiring. We're doing baby led weaning, so my days are comprised almost entirely of preparing food or milk, giving it to them and cleaning up afterwards. Food and eating seem to take up an astonishing portion of the day. I feel like we're never on top of the housework, despite our best efforts, and it's just a constant treadmill. I also have a slight cold and I'm struggling with some physical difficulties as a result of the pregnancy, which is making life a little harder.

We don't really have any help. My dad and stepmom are several thousand miles away in my home country; my mom died when I was a teenager; my MIL isn't physically able to look after two very active babies. She is willing to sit in the house after we've put them to bed so we can go out for a meal, which we have done once. I did NCT and get on well with my group, so I get out a few times per week, which helps.

I know that what I'm feeling is no different than anyone else with small children and a busy life. I'm not special. I just feel like I spend a lot of time trying to make it appear that I'm coping really well, but the truth is that on some days I'm run into the ground.

FinallyHere Sat 16-Jul-16 20:07:40

Well, you have quite a lot on your. place with twins.

Does it help at las to think of my mother's favourite phrase, 'this phase will pass'

Hang on in there, this phase will pass. All the very best, xx

ImperialBlether Sat 16-Jul-16 20:10:22

You poor thing. Well, you're extremely lucky, but it must be so tough.

Can you throw any money at the problem and get a cleaner?

I didn't have twins but I tried to get out of the house between meals otherwise I felt, like you, that all I did was cook, feed and wash up.

Things will get much better quite quickly - this is quite a short phase and soon it'll be much easier as they eat more.

flowers for you.

DiggersRest Sat 16-Jul-16 20:13:12

Can you feed your dc instead of doing blw? I spoon fed dd1 and it was a breeze compared to letting dd2 try to feed herself! It's only dinner time too as I'm busy juggling a 5 yo and trying to cook dinner, do homework but the bloody mess dd2 makes!

I'm constantly exhausted and l only have one baby. Twins must be amazing but hard work, could you look at maybe a cm for just a few hours a couple of times a week to give you a break?

Meggymoodle Sat 16-Jul-16 20:21:48

All I can tell you is that it absolutely does get a whole lot easier. I was on the edge of reason when my two were little and I didn't even have twins. I was utterly exhausted the whole time and desperate for it to stop and wanted to punch anyone who uttered those dreadful words " make the most of it, they're only little once". Fast forward 4 years (you don't have to wait that long - it's just that it was that long ago I was in that situation!) and life is so much less fraught and much more fun. I have no advice except just don't expect too much of them or you, enjoy the bits you can and tolerate the rest -it will get easier.

Bungleboggs Sat 16-Jul-16 20:26:48

My twins are 5 now, I've brought them up single handedly. It gets easier, promise flowers

BrinjalPickle Sat 16-Jul-16 20:28:36

I have twins & the first year is hard work. I felt exactly the same as you - feed, clean, entertain, change nappies, entertain feed etc etc I ended up doing baby led weaning as spoon feeding was a nightmare.
I had pnd and was referred to a group by the go where the kids were looked after for a couple of hours whilst I joined a group activity. I also got a tumble drier as the never empty washing basket was my tipping point!
It does get easier but in the midst of it it is soul destroying & bloody difficult. I have no words of wisdom but as FinallyHere said 'this phase will pass'. flowers

TitusAndromedon Sat 16-Jul-16 20:31:01

Thanks for the encouragement. To be honest, most days are mostly lovely. They are such great and gorgeous babies. I'm just worn out, I think.

Imperial, we looked into a cleaner, but due to other financial commitments we can't make the sums work. It would help. We also have a dog, so there's that fur and dirt on top of everything else.

I'm starting back at work part time in September, which seems like it might be both a blessing and a curse. The babies are having some settling in sessions at the childminder in August, which fortunately coincides with the week my husband will be away with work. Otherwise, I may very well go crazy!

Diggers, I am really enjoing BLW, and they are, too. They wouldn't let me feed them if I wanted to! I'm afraid the spoon feeding ship has sailed.

HumphreyCobblers Sat 16-Jul-16 20:33:08

I often felt like you and I only ever had one at a time.

What kind of meals are you giving them? I found BLW much easier than spoon feeding but I didn't cook much to begin with, just gave banana, advocado, bread, potato and sweet potato in large chunks etc.

NavyandWhite Sat 16-Jul-16 20:35:20

You sound amazing actually.

Can you grab a couple of hours for a coffee with a friend ever? Just a bit of time for you.

SerialBodenReturner Sat 16-Jul-16 20:36:11

To echo what others have said, the first year is just really hard! I have twins and 'unrelenting' was the word I used - it felt like DH and I were just two people working in parallel constantly to try and get everything done.

But it does get easier. When they could sit up, it got a bit easier. When they could feed themselves, it got a bit easier. Etc etc. some things get more challenging - running twins are fun - esp when they go in opposite directions...

But overall the trend is generally upwards in terms of how much work they are. Mine are seven now and I actually miss them being small, though having little people who clean their own teeth and get themselves dressed is nice.

I didn't do BLW but do remember cooking and feeding took up a ridiculous amount of time. This also gets a lot easier when they can just eat mini versions of your dinner.

Keep on keeping on - it will pass, and keep getting steadily easier. You're obviously doing a great job. A DH that helps is a bonus too! Mine was good on this score ...and I know they should be! - but I also know a lot that aren't!!

justaweeone Sat 16-Jul-16 20:47:10

Hi
You could try contacting the charity home start for some help
http://www.home-start.org.uk

Spudlet Sat 16-Jul-16 20:56:40

You sound like you're doing an amazing job. I have one, 6 months old,and I'm pooped enough!

How flexible can your dh be about work? Could he take a half day off and take over so you can go out? I have just started riding again - only once a fortnight, but it is wonderful to have that time to just be me - not mummy, or a wife, just me. In our case dh is self-employed so that does make it easier for us. But could you organise anything along those lines?

Babysafari Sat 16-Jul-16 21:07:38

brewcake for you op.

I get exhausted looking after one baby let alone two so you're doing a great job.

Would you try feeding them some of the time? Sometimes I still feed my one year old because I can be bothered with all the mess.

It will get easier, the toddler years can be tough but after that they generally become much more independent, I found age 3+ so enjoyable. So it will pass. Perhaps they will go to nursery when they're a bit older?

Try not to worry too much about the housework, just keep it all ticking over and rest when you can.

Babysafari Sat 16-Jul-16 21:10:11

Sorry didn't see your update.

TitusAndromedon Sat 16-Jul-16 21:18:07

It is totally unrelenting. And the nappies...good god! Between weaning and teething, they poo like newborns again.

Hats off to you, Bungle.

Thank you, Navy...I don't feel amazing! I am going for a meal out with some friends in about a month, but we won't go out until after bedtime. Time to myself is usually a couple of hours on a Sunday when my husband takes the babies to his mum's. I try to clean a bit and then I usually nap for 20 minutes or so.

Humphrey, I use the BLW cookbook, so breakfast is often straightforward, and then they'll have something like pasta salad or savoury muffins and tomato slices for lunch, and beef and broccoli stir fry with some fruit for dinner. Nothing too complicated, but all home made. I could make those meals simpler.

Thanks, weeone. I'll have a look at that.

Collectorofcookbooks Sat 16-Jul-16 21:18:34

I've been there, done that, and it is utterly draining. My twins are now 3 but the first 18 months or so was an incredibly hard slog, in spite of a very supportive DH who worked long hours. Each day just feels like a relentless mission to get through. At the same time they're so lovely! But it DOES get better, and as their little personalities start to come through and they start to become toddlers it really does get easier, I promise.

I remember being in the supermarket when mine were your age and I was having a really bad day. Another twin mum stopped me and I asked her when it starts to get easier! She said at the age of 3. It felt like a lifetime away. But it really isn't. You're doing a great job, just keep doing what you can and taking a break when you can - you'll get there. Now looking back it feels like a blur, but it really does improve, I promise.

Feel free to PM me.

Collectorofcookbooks Sat 16-Jul-16 21:21:24

Ps just seen your update. After some major internal and external struggles about food - I was making it all myself - a friend pointed out that a couple of meals a week which were ready made really weren't the end of the world - it felt like a weight had been lifted when I had two days a week 'off' and just decided to be more relaxed about it. It still is - I find it less emotionally draining if they reject something I haven't made. If that makes any sense at all (horrific bedtime and two glass of wine down!!)

TitusAndromedon Sat 16-Jul-16 22:00:13

Thank you, Collector. What ready meals have you used that you've been happy with? I've been trying to build up a bit of a freezer stock, which is working, but I get irrationally concerned that they'll get bored of eating the same things. Of course, the simplest thing I made in the last week was the most loved...one of them literally giggled through the entire meal as he shovelled it into his mouth.

HumphreyCobblers Sat 16-Jul-16 22:20:21

I honestly did not make 'meals" for my BLW child. She had whole foods. Porridge cooked quite solid. Fruit and cooked veg. A lot of rice cakes with peanut butter or hummus. She could manage a chicken drumstick quite early. I suppose spag bol was the only thing I made from scratch as such. She turned out a brilliant eater.

You could batch cook a few of the best meals and freeze, that should help?

HumphreyCobblers Sat 16-Jul-16 22:21:18

sorry, should have read more carefully. I wouldn't worry that they will get bored with eating the same things. Children just are not like that.

PurpleTraitor Sat 16-Jul-16 22:43:21

I can sympathise OP. My children just seem to eat. Constantly. And we get lovely arguments about what they want to eat and how they want to eat it as well (blue cup not green cup....dragon plate not bear plate....you put too much milk in the cup....not enough juice....sandwiches cut wrong.....I want to eat at the dining table, no I want to eat near the telly....etc) it's bloody draining. The amount of time spent making food is monumental. Today I provided two lots of cereal, twice (two bowls each) followed by pancakes and fruit, and homemade smoothies which the little one asked for then refused and the big one drank. Then toast with avocados and bacon late morning merged into cheese toasties and salad around midday then we left the house and ended up with chips and apple juice at the play area, followed by an ice cream, then some massive chocolate cookies wheedled out of daddy at the till. They raided some hard boiled eggs, strawberries and an apple each when we got home, before tea of chicken pasta, greens and olives, and then before bed they were apparently hungry so ate peaches, flapjacks and a glass of milk.

I'll leave it to your imagination how long all that takes to buy, prepare, cook and clear up after, and I only have two smallish kids. It's never ending. Drives me barmy.

Not sure what the answer is, other than teach them to cook! YANBU kids drain you!

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