I have two Dd's. My eldest (11 in September) is very friendly with my friend's Ds as they're in the same year/class at school and live two streets away. There's a few things that are really getting me rattled up and quite frankly I'm sick of it but I don't know whether to approach my friend about it. I've known her for years since our kids started reception but only really started to become friends and see each other outside of school about a year ago.
So, (and I know this is judgey) she spoils her two Ds's absolutely rotten. Now that's her business but when it's starting to affect my Dd it is sort of my business too. I know that probably sounds a little weird so I'll explain.
Basically like I said our kids are good friends. We live opposite a lovely park, I can even see it from my window so they play there quite a bit after school and at weekends, all good. One of the problems I have is that every time her ds calls for my dd he always has either a ten pound or five pound note in his hand saying he's got it as pocket money. Obviously how much my friend gives him is up to her but this is happening three to four times a week. My dd is usually rather mature for her age and is clever enough to realise that other parents do things differently to me and that's why up until now she's never questioned the £5 per WEEK she gets in pocket money. But lately she keeps telling me how friend's ds gets so much and asks how come she can't have so much. I explained why (I can afford it but don't want to give her so much as for her age imo it's too much) she was happy with the answer but every time friend's Ds turns up he's mithering her to ask me for money which I think is cheeky. But there's also another issue which concerns me a bit more.
My friend's ds is overweight (around 6 1/2-7 stone). My dd is around 4 1/2- 5 stone. My friend allows him to have a lot of pocket money like I've already said but the problem is he buys tons of food with it. I'm not just talking about the odd chocolate bar, I'm talking about a family size chocolate bar, six packs of crisps and cakes, huge bottle of milkshakes and high sugar juices. Now whilst what she does with her ds is down to her it's now affecting my dd. My dd is very healthy and has a varied balanced diet but by no means misses out on treats as I believe in everything in moderation. But she's getting to an age were she's influenced by others and with my friend's ds stuffing his face at every opportunity I've noticed she's now asking for sweet stuff more and more often and I've even found lots of sweet wrappers stashed in her coat which isn't like her at all as she knows I don't ban anything.
She spends her pocket money usually on magazines, books, art supplies and rarely will buy sweets even when she knows she can. I'm not like I said an obsessive mother who keeps tabs on my kids weight constantly, or scrutinises every mouthful they take but I do want them to be healthy and I'm worried that the way my friend's ds is behaving is affecting my dd.
My friend moans that her ds doesn't want to eat his meals but that's because he's always filling up on sweet sugary crap. He very often will come home from school, have a pot noodle and loads of sugary cakes and sweets and like I said I understand it's her perogative to feed her child however she likes but I'm now finding myself saying no when she invites my dd round for tea as I know all she'll feed her is junk. Plus all the sweets and crap her ds will offer her, well it worries me. Like i said I'm not usually an over bearing mother but this is really bothering me. Aibu to want to limit my Dd's time with her ds because I don't think he's a good influence on her?
AIBU?
To think friend's Ds is influencing my Dd and not in a good way
curiousG · 14/07/2016 18:03
YABU to talk to the friends parents. The best way of dealing with this is to talk to your DD and to get her onboard. She is 11 and old enough to be responsible for her own decisions. She is also old enough to understand that other kids get treated differently.
I always emphasized the importance of being able to trust the kids to make responsible choices - it comes in handy when they are older. 
So, the spoilt fat boy is feeding your DD food? 
I doubt it. She is most probably putting the food in her own mouth.
You could address the issue with your DD and tell her that it isn't the best idea to go and buy sweets etc every other night. Talk to the boy's mother and tell her that he seems to be wasting a lot of money at the shop.
Funnily enough, at that age, my seriously skinny friend did the same with me. She would buy a ton of chocolate/ sweets and we'd go into the park and eat her haul.
Maybe my Mum should have ripped into her Mum because my friend made me fat?
Oh no, I forgot, what I stuffed into my mouth was my responsibility.
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Oh there's always one. Just because you are concerned or even have a thought about someone else, it clearly means you don't like them . I fucking hate that reply on MN. It never actually adds anything to the discussion. And what is wrong with OPs DD going over to the park? On what planet is that now not ok? And he isn't an unofficial babysitter ffs, he is a friend of the same age and they are hanging out together. As for knitting, I assume that's a joke!
I wouldn't like this either OP. And it should concern you because he is getting your DD to ask for more money and she is actively eating more crap than normal. How to tackle it is tough though. I honestly don't think addressing this with them mum will go down well at all. She has already said she likes he giving her child loads of money, so she won't stop. The only thing you could say is, when she complain about him not eating his meals, could you maybe make her aware that the reason is because he spends all the money she gives him at the Asda so he is filling up before tea? I have no doubt she knows but you can bring it up pretending you think she doesn't know about it. Sorry but she sounds like a pretty crappy parent. Who let's their child get in that condition and actively give them the means to do it but moans about it and does nothing.
I'd try and limit their time together. Get your DD doing something after school or at weekends so she isn't so available to go out to the park. Could you have him over rather than them going out so they aren't going to Asda and buying more crap? Definitely really push the whole peer pressure thing and that she needs to learn to say no, I don't do that, or we do things differently (no snacking between meals maybe? My DCs (they are younger though) have something small after school but that's it until tea time or they would never eat their meals either).
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