AIBU to think another manager shouldn't whinge to MY team?

[goldwrapped]

Management restructure means that 3 of us will potentially be competing for the same post, whilst the other 2 are made redundant.
I am off sick, so one of the 2 other managers went in to my office today to cover my duties.
She took one of my team out for lunch and proceeded to tell her how devastated she was by the restructure and how she hasn't been able to speak to me or the other manager about the process because she was too shocked and upset, and she wouldn't know what to say to us. I haven't heard from her since the announcement - equally I haven't contacted her, but only because I'm unwell (in fact none of the management team have sent so much as a get well text or email). Me & this manager were previously quite good friends-she recently came to my house with her husband for drinks.
Several issues have arisen which lead me to believe that she has been told she already has the position in the bag, and now I feel she is gradually attempting to win over my team, using a sympathy tactic to facilitate this. Of course we're all upset and desperately trying to protect our jobs so I may just be being paranoid.
AIBU to make a fuss about this to our line manager or HR? Of course she can't be told not to have personal conversations with anyone in the team, but as she is a manager, is this really appropriate?

[topcat2014]

To be honest, once redundancies are announced the company loses all rights to try and act as thought police and dictate how people behave..

Everyone is in the same shit boat.

can you tell I might be a bit bitter

[NoahVale]

it woudl sound like she is getting them on her side, but they dont have a choice.
why dont you play the same game?

[DeathStare]

So she's one of the three people (of which you are also one) who will be assessed for the one remaining job? Is that right?

If so I'm really not seeing what she did wrong. She said she's shocked and upset? What's wrong with that? She probably is.

Why would getting your team onside matter? Surely they don't decide their manager's redundancies?

[yabvu]

AIBU to make a fuss about this to our line manager or HR?

Yes, you'd look fairly ridiculous and as you're even asking if this is a good idea suggests you haven't been in a management role for long.

If you think she's got the job in the bag then you'd be better off playing the long game. Keeping your head down (or up, depending on the situation) and keeping the other manager on-side.

Creating bonds with current staff is a good idea of hers.

[goldwrapped]

Thanks for your replies. death yes, 3 people - me & 2 others - 1 job.
You're all right of course. In the cold light of day (and now I've sobered up) I can see she's entitled to whinge as much as she wants, wherever she wants.
Makes me sad but hey, it is what it is!
Thank you all for being kind and not annihilating me, feeling a bit delicate today.
Happy Thursday!

[DeathStare]

goldwrapped Try to remember that she isn't whinging about you. Like you she is in a very stressful situation where she could lose her job and this has come out of the blue. It sounds like she is in shock and just expressed that.

You sound a bit hurt that she hadn't contacted you but try to remember that in these circumstances it's very difficult to know what to do for the best (even more so with you being off sick). There is no guide about how to handle being up for redundancy against a friend and both of you are likely to handle it differently. That doesn't make either of you wrong.

[goldwrapped]

You're right Death, thanks for putting things in perspective.
Emotions are running high and sometimes it's difficult to separate personal reactions from professional issues.
The potential fallout for me and my family from my redundancy is massive, but I need to embrace the opportunity for a change in direction.
I'm so grateful for this forum - ranting on here instead of to her or my boss probably saved me an immensely embarrassing situation.

[Sonders]

I was up for redundancy in a previous place, from my team we knew at least 1 out of 3 were going, and from another team it was 1 out of 2.

I knew I would be the 1 out of 3, I was last in, my skill set was much more specified and advanced, and there was some inherent sexism in the workplace.

The 3 of us all reacted completely differently, I was open about it (probably because I knew I'd be off), 1 person just kept their head down and tried to stay out of the way, the last guy (who was probably most deserving of the chop) went all out offensive, going to the pub every night with the directors, buying office cakes without a celebration, making himself 'indispensable'.

YANBU to be annoyed, redundancy is terrifying and equally your co-manager is NBU to have a whinge. It's all shit!

[topcat2014]

Having been made redundant, in the last 'crash' I can say it actually helped me to change direction a bit.

Granted - I wouldn't have wanted to - so it's not some kind of lifestyle choice,

But, I did feel strangely liberated to walk away on that last day and forget everything about the job - leaving behind a huge un done in tray etc.

Good luck however it works out.