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To be annoyed that my husband would rather spend his weekends with his friends?

(19 Posts)
Overbearingwife Sun 26-Jun-16 12:29:46

2 weeks ago my h returned from a 5 day lads holiday in Spain and yesterday wanted to spend the whole of Saturday on a stag do with the same people which would inevitably have led to today being a write off due to him being hungover. I asked him to either go a little bit later to the do or come home a bit earlier given that he is always moaning that working full time doesn't give him chance to spend quality time with our dd. I thought an agreement had been reached until I later discovered that he was now taking his bat and ball home and not going to any of the stag do citing me being unreasonable as the cause and stating that he couldn't afford a divorce so would have to sit today out.
Our weekend has been ruined now in any event as we are not talking and because I am sick of being referred to as the difficult wife at home who stops him from doing all the things he wants to do, which in actual fact is simply going drinking with his friends. We never go anywhere or do anything together as a couple any more and the things that are arranged to be done child free are more often that not gate crashed by his single brother.
I'm not quite sure when I turned into his mother, stopping him from dong anything fun but I'm seriously wondering why I am bothering to try to work so hard at a relationship that I get very little back from.

Penfold007 Sun 26-Jun-16 12:32:48

He's checked out of the marriage - sorry. You need to decide what you want to do about it.

ny20005 Sun 26-Jun-16 12:34:13

Tell him he has a free pass to go have fun with his mates but he'd better pack a bag to take with him ! Why some men think single drinking life continues when your married with kids is beyond me. flowers

ElspethFlashman Sun 26-Jun-16 12:35:05

He just prefers them to the two of you. Sorry to be blunt, but it's staring you in the face.

ImperialBlether Sun 26-Jun-16 12:38:11

If he's sitting there sulking tell him to bugger off and do it elsewhere. He's like a bloody child expecting you (his mum) to put up with his nonsense.

It's ironic that stag do's are causing so many marital problems, isn't it?

Overbearingwife Sun 26-Jun-16 12:42:25

Unsurprisingly it's a second marriage stag do!

HermioneJeanGranger Sun 26-Jun-16 12:42:39

Why does he think he gets to opt out of being a parent every weekend?

Overbearingwife Sun 26-Jun-16 12:45:28

In the interests of fairness, it's not every weekend, these two events have just come about at the same time. I just feel like his friends are for fun and I'm just there for all the mundane stuff

LaurieFairyCake Sun 26-Jun-16 12:49:07

Split up

He can have the kid every second weekend

And you can have lovely times with some hot guy who gives a fuck every second weekend grin

He can get what he wants cos he's a wanker

And you can get what you didn't know you wanted

Lemonlady22 Sun 26-Jun-16 13:06:43

i would have said 'sorry you had 5 days away, now its my 5 days to enjoy myself while you look after dd for that entire time' then i would have packed a few things and walked out, booked a hotel and relaxed. Some men just dont see it at all!

GoldfishCrackers Sun 26-Jun-16 13:12:40

Does he ever take responsibility for any of his decisions? In all of these examples he seems to prefer to whinge that life is hard for him and it's all someone else's fault.
"Poor me I can't spend time with my DD because I work full time" whilst choosing to spend free time on the lash.
"Poor me I can't get divorced because I can't afford it"
"Poor me I can't go on a second stag do because mummy won't let me".
It must be bloody exhausting being around him if this is typical. And bloody hurtful too flowers

MyNewBearTotoro Sun 26-Jun-16 13:21:28

Sorry but I think YABU.

It sounds like it's just coincidence these two events have happened together. It's a friend's stag do! If he wanted to just go out drinking that would be one thing but this is a one off event.

I would be upset if DP tried to stop me from going to a friend's hen do and I'd feel he was being controlling.

If it's not a regular occurrence YABU - it's not his fault his friend organised his stag do for the weekend after his holiday.

molyholy Sun 26-Jun-16 13:21:59

Life is too short for this loser. Why would you put up with this shit. You don't HAVE to.

LindyHemming Sun 26-Jun-16 13:31:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

weaselwomble Sun 26-Jun-16 13:50:58

I could have written your post word for word almost OP although no children. No advice unfortunately as I am at a loss about what to do. What you said about mundane stuff has really resonated with me. I am sick of quite clearly being seen as the nagging wife on the rare occasions I see his friends or family, who are all heavy drinkers.

Pearlman Sun 26-Jun-16 14:03:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LosingTheWillToSkate Sun 26-Jun-16 15:01:17

I think you're both out of order, you for making out like he's out on the lash with his mates every weekend, when the reality is that it's a stag do this weekend only, and him for spitting his dummy out and harping on about divorce.

The responsibility doesn't just lie with him to create fun things for you to do together. You can also do that. If neither of you are then you're both the problem.

ClopySow Sun 26-Jun-16 16:51:28

Where did she make out it was every weekend?

Pinkheart5915 Sun 26-Jun-16 16:59:19

It's not every weekend so as a now and then thing I wouldn't have a problem.
It's not his thought the trip with friends and stag do feel so close together.

So I think your both being unreasonable tbh.

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