Ok so bit of a long story.
My boyfriend and I met 2 years ago when I was 23. I quit my job as I needed a break and took a live-in job in a hotel in The Lake District - a small village 10 miles from anywhere. I started dating the deputy manager almost immediately who was also live-in staff. I would usually work split shifts which were 8am-1pm then back in at 5pm-closing. He would either do the same, or start at 12ish and work straight through. We never did much on our days off together because we were so far from anything and both knackered all the time so I didn't really mind that we didn't do a lot other than veg. But in March we moved out of the hotel and now live just over 10 miles away in a busy town with lots to do ("lots" for the Lakes anyway!)
He always promised that once we had moved away, we would do more and he'd be less "attached" to the hotel. I understand and admire the fact that he works freakin' hard, but even now on our days off, he doesn't want to do a thing. He literally wants to wake up at midday then spend all day playing computer games. I quit my job at the hotel and work now 9-5 but have the same 2 days off as him. I don't ask for much and am not expecting to be whisked away every day off we have, but I want to do SOMETHING. Even if it's just going on a hike or to a museum!
The problem is, he is the deputy manager and the actual manager is beyond useless. He is close with the owner of the hotel so wants to do right by him and basically pick up the slack for the manager, but he's just becoming a push over. He works overtime and doesn't get paid for it, he does 80% of the workload instead of it being split between them. I do understand that he is exhausted and I feel bad, but I'm only 25, he's 27 and we just are not "living." I know I signed up for this when I started dating someone in this industry and like I said, I love his passion for the job and how he wants to do his best, but without sounding like a petulant child he spends no time with me and just wants to play his games.
I don't doubt that he loves me- he's always doing cute things like showing up to my work with flowers, leaving me notes around the house, he bought me a kitten to keep my company in the evenings! he's a very loving and caring man and i love him to death but I'm getting so tired of being third after his work, chill time, and then me. and it doesnt' help that I have very few friends around here. As soon as I moved up we started dating and being live-in in such a remote area I didn't meet many people.
I just don't know where to go from here. I've tried telling him how I feel and he always gets upset for me and apologises and just says he's so tired so on his days off he really wants to do just nothing- but I can't live like this forever!! I love him so much but this is not the life I want...any advice would be so appreciated.
AIBU?
to love my work-a-holic DP to death but be tired of this
porterwine · 11/06/2016 18:31
I'd start with helping him realise that the owner doesn't feel the same way about loyalty to your partner - or he'd bin the GM and promote your partner. 
The bottom line is that you want to go out and enjoy yourself on your days off so he either does that or you find someone else. Or you start doing the weekends with other people and building your friendship group.
Does he really expect you to sit around and watch him play computer games - coz that's not a 'great guy', that's a prick that is.
Start doing stuff without him, stuff where you can meet people if possible. You should try and have a life outside your relationship anyway if possible. Even in the day, arrange to do stuff, tell him and invite him. If he says he's too tired after a month then you know where you stand, the kitten has more to give than him. 
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