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am I overreacting or should I be more annoyed?

(17 Posts)
Isthisright220 Fri 10-Jun-16 21:30:45

DH has always been a bit of a control freak but recently I've been getting pretty frustrated by the way he talks to me. I basically can't seem to do anything without it being commented on. My driving, how I talk to my friends (he's actually told me to communicate things differently on text before - these have been my best friends for years!) my showering (I drip too much water on the floor) etc etc etc. Basically every day I know I'll be criticised for SOMETHING. At first I thought I was being sensitive - now i just want to leave him. I'm over it. So over it.

It's also his temper. He's got one of those tempers that doesn't really flare up often, in fact he's totally calm, but then when it does, it always seems to be at me, and in public - or in front of family. I always seem to
Manage to do something to annoy him when we are out! I've told him several times that I won't take it and now it's got to the point where before a gathering - a wedding etc - I have to tell him in the car beforehand to watch it. Is that right? It feels ridiculous that I would have to do that - but I always end up feeling humiliated in front of others in some way.

Am I overreacting? Is this normal?

AnyFucker Fri 10-Jun-16 21:32:06

It's not normal and I would say you have been under reacting for far too long.

acasualobserver Fri 10-Jun-16 21:33:07

Am I overreacting?

Is this normal?
Also no.

MrsHathaway Fri 10-Jun-16 21:34:41

That's not normal. It sounds intolerable too.

I think you need to say "When you keep nagging me about these tiny things, it makes me not want to be with you any more. If you scold me in front of other people, I will go home without you."

It all sounds exhausting tbh - he tries to control you at home, and likes to be seen to be in control of you when you're out. Where does that attitude come from?!

PeaceNotPieces Fri 10-Jun-16 21:35:03

There's no excuse for humiliating anyone in public or otherwise.

Sounds like you've both got into bad communicating habits maybe? He's come accustomed to how he talks to you, you've come accustomed to take it? Are you communicating properly at all?

Are there any underlying issues?

Choccybadger Fri 10-Jun-16 21:35:13

That seems like abusive behaviour on his part. I don't think that sounds in any way like an equal partnership and that's what you want isn't it?
I feel for you but that needs to end.
Good luck

KickAssAngel Fri 10-Jun-16 21:36:01

Sounds like he is deliberately choosing to yell at you in front of others. He knows exactly what he's doing. He isn't losing his temper, he's planning it and enjoying it.

Instead of asking him not to, you could try saying "ooh, what plans do you have for me today? Going to yell at me for something and pretend you couldn't help it?"

It's probably not a good idea, as he's unlikely to react well. But he knows what he's doing and has no plans to stop.

Decide whether you want to keep putting up with it or not.

This is totally not normal, and totally not an overreaction on your part.

Isthisright220 Sat 11-Jun-16 18:32:41

Thanks all. Am just finding it really hard with him at the moment. I've just left the house and will probably stay with family tonight.

porterwine Sat 11-Jun-16 18:36:20

not over reacting at all. My dad was like this with my mum for YEARS and she just put up with it. They've not been married 28 years and he's pretty much wrecked her self esteem. He does the same thing about the way she talks to her friends (apparently "talks too much" and "whitters on") which I admit she can do but he doesn't need to constantly comment.
It's all "little" things he comments on that he would probably not even notice he's doing but it really gets to her and she's finally reached breaking point and now ate ages 58 and 62 they are getting a divorce. Of course there's more to it than just that...but it's definitely all these little criticisms that he has constantly supplied her with that have contributed

EarthboundMisfit Sat 11-Jun-16 18:39:28

If he's only 'losing his temper' in public, perhaps he's not losing his temper but deliberately humiliating you. Even without that, he's abusive and you've been under reacting.

Iknownuffink Sat 11-Jun-16 18:45:07

He is being abusive and giving you witnesses.

Most bullies do the bullying behind closed doors. He thinks he is humiliating you in public. I very much doubt that he will highly thought of within the family or your circle of friends.

HiddenMeaning Sat 11-Jun-16 19:03:41

I think you already know the answer to your questions. sad

If someone else was in your situation what would you tell them to do?

Gide Sat 11-Jun-16 19:16:09

It's controlling and emotionally abusive. Stop putting up with it.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sat 11-Jun-16 19:52:00

You have the great benefit of everyone knowing he is a total knobber. They will be talking about what a twat he is after each of those events and wondering why you stay with him. You'll probably get loads of help to split from friends if you need it.

RaeSkywalker Sat 11-Jun-16 20:01:32

Of course YANBU.

This is emotionally abusive behaviour from your DH.

iklboo Sat 11-Jun-16 20:07:33

Publicly losing his temper with you & shouting you down in front of others is a control tactic. He's banking on you being too embarrassed to argue back & make a scene so he gets to humiliate you to his heart's content.

Everyone sees (to him) what a big, hard man he is and how he's got his 'little woman' right in her place.

Ex-p used to love that little game.

CombineBananaFister Sat 11-Jun-16 20:11:42

No, not good OP and not fair, does he want out but making you miserable enough to do it for him cos he's a coward? That kind of constant critique is awful, been there, where you can't do owt right and its no way to live.
If he finds you that fucking annoying tell HIM to piss off and say what he means instead of the constant belittling and public humiliation.
Hope you're okay sad

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