To just give up on my family now

[MagicMonkeys]

My mum owes my sister £30, sister is skint as she has a deposit for new house to pay today, my sister text me upset saying that her husband is having a go at her because she should ask our mum for the £30 back so they can buy food. Sister doesn't want to as she thinks mums financial state isn't great! I've said that she should ask for it back, as she desperately needs it to feed her two kids.

Ok, at that sister has had a go at me! Me and ds stayed with my mum for a week a few weeks ago, we were invited to visit. Apparently whilst I was down I skinted my mum out! Or so my mother is saying. Anything we ate I replaced, my mum wanted to go to a lot of cafes and wouldn't let me pay so I'd pay for the food for dinner! I was insistent not to eat in cafes and a couple of times got her not to!

I know my mum and I know she is notorious for back stabbing! And I've had enough, right before ds was born, he's 4 now, she borrowed £2500 off of me, and I've not seen it back, so to think she's saying I skinted her out, I'm hurt, upset and angry

And I know that my family will be bitching about this even though I replaced what we ate, cooked and helped out as much as I could!

Mum has invited us back down in August!

Sister is always having a go at me because ds eats well and that makes mum have a go at what sister feeds her kids (chicken nuggets and chips kind of meals) , apparently that's my fault to!

Aibu to just give up on the lot of them?

[charlestonchaplin]

I think she wanted a loan from you...

[Whatthequack]

Yes. It sounds like your sister wanted you to offer her the money. My Dm uses similar tactics.

[branofthemist]

They all sound manipulative.

Peeps ally I would tell my mum that I won't be visiting in August and tell her exactly why.

Your mum could be using your visit as an excuse not to pay money back to your sister. Your sister could be making it up and your mother never said it. She may know you went to cafes and assume your mum spent a fortune and you didn't chip in. Because you didn't offer the loan she is annoyed at you.

You will probably never know the truth, personally I would keep them all at arms length.

[Lilaclily]

Just tell your sister what you've told us and tell your mum you want to come in August but you won't if she's going to bitch about you afterwards

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I think you all need to see there's a difference between £30 here and there and who pays at the cafe, and those bigger loans you were talking about. I can see why you'd be upset at £2500 going missing. Maybe see if you can get somewhere with raising that issue with your Mum?
But some of the other stuff I think you should just let go of?

[blindsider]

Frankly if you sister is having a meltdown about £30 I am not sure she sounds financially in the sort of place where she should be buying a house!!

[nannybeach]

lets be frank, yes, should you be buying a house if you cannot afford food. A couple of old sayings come to mind, 1/Do not lend money to friends or relatives. 2/Do not lend what you cannot afford to loose. I never have borrowed money.I do lend to certain kids I know will pay back. Otherwise it just gets ugly and out of hand like this. I know its VERY difficult, but you need to say NO!

[MagicMonkeys]

You're all right, I never should have lent the money, but unfortunately I was very naive at the time!

With regards to my sister, it's deposit for renting a house, she isn't at all financially secure!

I'll be messaging my mum and outlining the reasons as to why we won't be visiting in August, then they can sort it out and squabble between themselves! I have far too much going on for me to be bothered with the childish behaviour!

[blindsider]

Does your mother acknowledge this debt or is is just swept under the carpet. I find it simply frightful that you have members of your family that will behave in such a scumbag manner.

[MagicMonkeys]

@blindsider it's completely swept under the rug, she won't acknowledge it at all! This is my issue to, I hate the behaviour

[OurBlanche]

So use this as you "One time to tell you how it makes me feel" moment. If you are going to open that can of worms take the whole lid off:

You may as well lay it on the line: finances in your family cause pain... mum you can't even acknowledge you borrowed £2500, DSis you can't even ask for money owed when your kids are going hungry and I can't say anything to either of you without getting abgry and upset....

Just say how you feel, write down the amount your mum borrowed clearly, unequivocally, leave no wriggle room and then, as you won't be any worse off than you currently are, let them digest it all and decide how they want to proceed. You need to nothing, try to fix nothing, explain nothing... DO NOTHING!

Good luck