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AIBU to just want to feel normal again?

(15 Posts)
Psion Sat 14-May-16 18:06:31

I have been struggling with anxiety and depression, intermittently, over the last 2 years, but was able to cope pretty okay, until 2 months ago when it suddenly got much more severe.

So I have been on meds for the last 7 weeks, and it has been so hard. Just the worst 7 weeks of my life. I have felt so low as to feel suicidal, and the anxiety has been riding me hard, to the point where it's a struggle to even leave the house, and I wake every morning with dread in the pit of my stomach sad

The waiting for the meds to kick in has been horrible, it just seemed to be taking so long. But, this last week I have finally had several days where I have felt much calmer and brighter inside smile

On these better days, I haven't felt anywhere near 100%, probably more like, 70%. And it's a very fragile 70%. But at least it's a start.

But twice this week I have also felt just as anxious and low again, and again today, I just feel like bursting into tears. I've had to cancel meeting up with friends tonight as I just can't face it sad

If anyone else has been in my place, can they tell me when can I expect to feel consistently better again? Or is this as good as it's going to get sad

PhilPhilConnors Sat 14-May-16 18:09:04

I get you. I've been struggling with anxiety lately, it's horrible.
Hopefully someone can come and tell us it gets better.
In the midst of it it's difficult to imagine I'll ever feel ok again.

Psion Sat 14-May-16 18:35:56

Thanks Philphil. I have never known anxiety like it, it borders of panic at times. Even when it's at a low ebb it still makes me feel very uneasy and manages to suck any pleasure out of everything I do sad

These have been the very longest 7 weeks of my life, and I just want my normal life back again.

PhilPhilConnors Sat 14-May-16 18:42:53

I have bought a book called At Last a Life by Paul David, but it's only just arrived so I've no idea yet if it'll be helpful or not!

EustachianTube Sat 14-May-16 18:50:56

I'm having the same struggle except with a physical problem which was diagnosed last year. I started treatment expecting to feel normal again quickly but it's an absolute roller coaster of feeling vaguely ok then crashing back down. At its best, I feel I've got about 70% of normal life back, but that doesn't last very long. Not much to do other than grit your teeth and keep on keeping on. It will get better, but I think it probably helps to expect ups and downs along the way rather than continuous improvement because then it's less crushing when you have a bad day or two.

Psion Sat 14-May-16 19:07:03

What's the book about Phil ?

PhilPhilConnors Sat 14-May-16 19:08:38

How to recover from anxiety. I have high hopes!

Psion Sat 14-May-16 19:16:45

Sorry to hear you're struggling too Eustachian.

It's just so soul destroying isn't it. My CPN said the same as you, that I can't expect a smooth, consistent improvement.

It's just that all the literature says that ADs should be working fully after 6 weeks? So I would have thought after my 7 weeks I would be feeling consistently almost back to normal. Not just several days of feeling a very fragile 70% back to normal sad

LiveLaughLoveDrinkGin Sat 14-May-16 19:39:29

I have been struggling too with stress and anxiety for ages, more so since my son was born 14 months ago. What did you say to thedixtor to get given meds? I would like to try some form of medication and see if it helps, nothing else has so far. But I am scared to talk to anyone about it.

LiveLaughLoveDrinkGin Sat 14-May-16 19:40:32

The doctor that should say

Psion Sat 14-May-16 19:52:18

I just broke down in tears, to be honest. And my GP took it from there. I think sometimes only medication can help.

Though it seems to be taking such a long time for them to work consistently for me sad

secretgirl Sat 14-May-16 20:31:28

Psion. I have been there. I still go there but I see the joy in life again.
I know exactly what you are speaking of. To just want to be normal. That's all. To not want to have the sleepless nights. The loss of appetite. The tears. The feeling in the pit of your tummy. The why me. What is wrong with me. The constant thoughts running round in your head. And not know why. The not knowing why on earth this has hit ME.

You will get there. My god you will. Keep speaking to people. Keep taking the medication. How much & what are you on??? I would expect after 7 weeks for it to have kicked in though I am no expert. Know that you are not in on your own.
Acceptance is huge with anxiety. Try to stop fighting it. Accept that it's there, you have it & keep telling yourself it will pass. I have accepted it as part of me, a not very nice part and I still get bouts of it that last 2 days or a week but I always know it will pass.
There's an amazing book by Harry Barry. Can't remember he name of it. Go get it. Keep posting here and remember your not alone. PM if you want xxx

ScarlettDarling Sat 14-May-16 21:01:47

psion try thinking of it like this. If you had something like pneumonia and you had the right meds, they would treat the pneumonia but you wouldn't feel 100% straight away. You might feel weak for months, a bit breathless perhaps, and maybe for the rest of your life you might have a bit of a tendency to get a bad chest.

It's the same with anxiety. The meds are working, that's why you've been feeling a bit better, but they don't make you go from feeling 10% to 100% in a few weeks. Feeling a shaky 70% at this early stage is pretty good I'd say! You will have good days and bad days -just like people without anxiety issues have. This doesn't mean you're going right back down to rock bottom again, just that you're still on the road to recovery.

You may find that anxiety is something that you have to tackle on a regular basis. I do. I take a low dose of Sertraline and that helps me to keep it under control and feel pretty ok most of the time. Like secretgirl girl said above, I have had to accept that I'm never going to get rid of my anxiety altogether, but I certainly can live with it now, pretty happily most of the time.

I don't neccessarily think that the meds should have you feeling great by 7 weeks. I'd hope by this point that you'd have noticed some improvement, but getting better can be a slow process. Speak to your gp about upping the dose if you think that would help, but most of all be patient with yourself. flowers

Psion Sat 14-May-16 21:43:56

Thank you so much scarletdarling.

Considering I have been battling with this for over 2 years I guess I'm being too hasty wanting to feel 100% after just 7 weeks.

I have been on Trazadone for 7 weeks, titrated up from 100mg through to 200mg, which I have now been on for nearly 3 weeks. Have also been on Quetiapine for the last 3 weeks, titrating up to now 125mg which I have been on for nearly a week.

To be honest I think the lower doses were totally ineffective for me, and wasted a lot of precious time.

ScarlettDarling Sat 14-May-16 21:58:50

Something that helps me is to ask myself how many of my 'normal' friends/family/acquaintances (ie the ones without anxiety/depression!!) are feeling 100% at any one time. The answer is, very few of them. One colleague is very worried about her repeated heartburn issues, my best friend can't stop fretting about her 14 year old son, another good friend has a long term health issue which hasn't been properly investigated, my sis in law is exhausted with working shifts etc etc. None of these people have anxiety/depression, but their ordinary, everyday lives really get on top of them at times, causing them to feel well below 100%!

Don't put pressure on yourself to feel 100%...most people don't! Accept that it's ok to feel a bit down. At times, feeling sad or anxious is the appropriate way to feel. What you're aiming for is to be able to get on with your life without the cloud constantly hanging over you. You're getting there! Honestly, things do get better x

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