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AIBU?

AIBU to ask if, in your opinion, my DD has been inappropriately touched?

16 replies

QuinnJu · 07/05/2016 15:11

Not been on this site for years, but have just about remembered it, to ask about this. I am really not sure how to go about this... If she was older, I would definitely be saying yes and wouldn't even need to ask!

DD is 9 (in year 4) - she has not yet started puberty. There is a friend, who is a boy, who is on and off being her friend, they sometimes argue, sometimes don't, it's weird, but she is happy, as there is her, him and then her girl best friend.

They have a wooden train in the playground, it has a seat in it and there is a gap under the seat - her friend (I will call him James) said that he doesn't think she will fit under there, because of her size. She isn't big, she is a healthy weight, but slightly on the higher end of it, but still healthy. He is a bit of an irritant with comments like this, but she is bad back... But in different ways. It's more jokey, I think.

Anyway, she wanted to prove that she could fit under there, so she was beginning to crawl through, but on her back, so her face and body is facing to the sky. The boy (who is also 9) leaned over the chair and pinched her chest area (no breasts there, or growing yet) but obviously he had that intend (I assume?) but who knows.

I just don't know how to respond to that? Is it inappropriate or is it not? As she hasn't started puberty. Help/Advice would be fab x

OP posts:

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Arfarfanarf · 07/05/2016 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 07/05/2016 15:22

It's nasty but if by inappropriate you mean sexually inappropriate, it's hard to say without being there.

It could just be that her chest area was the nearest/most easily reachable part of her, and as he's only 9 himself, done completely innocently.

I'd be more concerned at his comments about her weight tbh.

CharlieJamie · 07/05/2016 15:22

Either way, it wasn't nice of him!

PotteringAlong · 07/05/2016 15:23

Why is it obvious that he intended to punch her breasts?

The pinching and comments are unacceptable but I think you're potentially applying your own view here to sexualise something that was not sexual.

PotteringAlong · 07/05/2016 15:23

Punch? Pinch!

CharlieJamie · 07/05/2016 15:27

I also think it depends how it was done... I think you know best by how your DD explained it to you.

AnnaMarlowe · 07/05/2016 15:28

On the basis of your post I'd agree with *Worral it's nasty but not sexually inappropriate.

I have an 8 yo boy and girl. They don't currently consider each other's chests as different or sexual, they wouldn't think of that as a part not to be touched.

I'd also agree that the weight comments need nipping in the bud.

CharlieJamie · 07/05/2016 16:29

What does your DD say to him?

thebestfurchinchilla · 07/05/2016 16:33

I'd say he needs to be told not to pinch people regardless of where. you have to be careful not to impose your own thoughts about where he was touching and what his intentions were, onto the children. If it continues then take it further.

QuiteLikely5 · 07/05/2016 16:34

Because of her size - unless he said she was fat he may have thought she was too big - they aren't the same thing

If she has no breasts at all then I'm thinking there was nothing to touch?

Innocent I think

mygorgeousmilo · 07/05/2016 17:49

I think it was rude and unkind and vulgar, but I don't think it was truly sexually inappropriate. Boys at my school used to do things like that, and the girls hated it, nobody intervened though :-/ I would ask to meet with the headteacher and ask what they intend to teach the children about boundaries and appropriate behaviour.

CharlieJamie · 07/05/2016 19:33

Hope you talk to school about it though OP, it isn't fair for him to be saying stuff like that to your DD or pinching her

BurnTheBlackSuit · 07/05/2016 19:39

He didn't say she was fat according to your op, he said she would be too big. You also said she sad 'bad' things to him too. They are children and are friends each giving as good as they get by the sound of it (although saying someone will be too big to fit through a gap isn't saying anything bad IMO).

He shouldn't of pinched her, but that is all he did wrong in your account. She should have told the teacher then and there. He did not inappropriately touch her. He did not make comments about her weight.

Don't demonise him just because he is a boy.

CharlieJamie · 12/05/2016 19:20

I don't think the OP was doing it because he's a boy and I'm the mother of sons!

Boomingmarvellous · 12/05/2016 19:27

It was inappropriate because children don't usually pinch each other in the chest area, so it's something he may have seen and not really understood the significance of. Maybe he has an older brother.

Either way he needs to learn boundaries and touching anyone's body when they don't want him to, whether pinching or otherwise, is not right.

Gottagetmoving · 12/05/2016 20:59

I don't think there was anything untoward at all. They are 9 year old kids. Kids tend to say what they see quite bluntly. The boy wasn't insulting your DD...just presenting her with a challenge. Then he pinched her when she was in a position where she couldn't move, presumably.
If he was a teenager then I would think it was suspicious,...but these are kids!
I think these days we tend to see everything as a potential assault/abuse and any comment as bullying.

Only you know the boy and what he is like, but from your original post it seems normal kid behaviour to me.I think it's sad we go looking for problems everywhere.

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