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To pull out of a family meal tomorrow?

(26 Posts)
ConfuciousSayWhat Fri 29-Apr-16 22:09:14

To my eternal shame it's a close relatives big digit birthday and we are all expected to go and as we were free we said yes without checking the price of the venue.

It's properly megabucks. Beyond us megabucks. If we don't go we'll be the only part of the family who won't be there but if we do go that's a massive dent in our already tight monthly budget and we'd be struggling for a couple of months to make it up.

I don't want to do it but I'm tempted to say a dc is poorly with D&V so I'm not made to feel rubbish about not making it. I'm already poorly thought of in the family for not being massively wealthy sad

Aibu and wwyd?

EverySongbirdSays Fri 29-Apr-16 22:14:46

I would pull out.

They think poorly of you for not being wealthy and have then chosen some rah-rah place that's well out of your price range? I expect you'd have to pay towards the birthday persons part of the meal as well as they won't pay their own.

Reminds me of that friends episode.

It's a shame they couldn't have been more considerate. I'd be up front about why, no point trapping one of your DC in having to corroborate a lie.

I wouldn't feel embarrased either, you've nothing to be embarrassed by.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 29-Apr-16 22:16:33

If they're a close relative, they must know your circumstances surely?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 29-Apr-16 22:17:56

Oh they think poorly of you? I think I would have said no in the first place.

CodyKing Fri 29-Apr-16 22:18:47

Not worth it!

Watchingnetflix Fri 29-Apr-16 22:18:55

Can just one of you go? Is that do-able?

FuckyMcFuckFace Fri 29-Apr-16 22:19:16

YANBU. Don't go. It's not worth it when it will take you months to pay off! They are crap for picking somewhere so expensive and not thinking much of you for not having g as much money as them. Screw them!

ConfuciousSayWhat Fri 29-Apr-16 22:19:20

We said yes because we were free and why give them another reason to look down on us.

My family is like Keeping Up Appearances and we are very much viewed as being Daisy and Onslow (we aren't but that's how it feels)

ConfuciousSayWhat Fri 29-Apr-16 22:20:25

Sorry I'm cross posting here

fuzzywuzzy Fri 29-Apr-16 22:21:57

I wouldn't go, I'd give them the real reason ie didn't know the price of the place before provisionally agreeing.

If you don't feel you can tell the truth, use your excuse and don't feel bad about not going.

They're very unkind choosing a venue they must know is out of your price range.

Queenbean Fri 29-Apr-16 22:24:01

Don't go. Depending on how close the rellie is tell the truth or a lie.

Then have a lovely evening in watching films and being all cosy and forget about it

DancingDinosaur Fri 29-Apr-16 22:26:46


peckforton Fri 29-Apr-16 23:21:06

i have never been invited to a special event such as a birthday and been expected to pay for myself, i consider it strange.

Mouseinahole Sat 30-Apr-16 07:37:29

We have a big family do today(80th birthday). It is at a local pub and everyone is paying for themselves. It's about getting together as a family not spending what you can't afford. Two families coming from away are staying at the Premier Inn.
If you are 'looked down on' than they don't really care about you anyway.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Sat 30-Apr-16 07:44:08

Don't go. You would be tense and worried about how much the bill is clocking up the entire time. It will be more than you expect as it will be split equally, the birthday person won't pay, lots of drinks etc.

Send a nice card instead.

AnotherTimeMaybe Sat 30-Apr-16 07:44:25

YANBU do what's sensible for you! People should know better than choose places not everyone can afford so not your problem

DurhamDurham Sat 30-Apr-16 07:45:52

It's not worth having to struggle financially for the next couple of months, I'm with you....make up an excuse ( although I'd say I was I'll rather than the children as I always thought that was tempting fate ) and don't go.
We always pay for ourselves when we go out for family birthdays but we tend to stick to pubs and restaurants that we can all afford, it is thoughtless to choose somewhere so prohibitively expensive that people are out off going.

Enjoy your day, treat yourselves to a lovely ( but inexpensive ) lunch somewhere else.

SlimCheesy Sat 30-Apr-16 07:48:46

Who is the blood relative out of you? Could that person (you or DH) go and say the other is home with ill DC? That would cut the bill by half right there.

I hope it works out. It is really outrageous your family chose a restaurant they could know (or suspect) would be difficult for everyone to afford.

DinosaursRoar Sat 30-Apr-16 07:49:48

Don't go, but if you are faking D&V - say it's you that's got it "and the dcs don't look right" not that it's a Dc with it, otherwise the dc might say they were fine.

MattDillonsPants Sat 30-Apr-16 07:51:48

Don't go. Tell them DD has D&V.

It's so thoughtless when people do this. Not considering other people's financial situations!

I belong to a group on Facebook and someone recently suggested a meetup.

Then someone else came along and said "Oh we MUST make it X Bar and Restaurant!" and a few others said "Oh yes! Great!"

Bar X is $$$$$$ for even one drink.

Then someone else, braver than me came and said "Oh no, I think we need to choose somewhere more accessible."


They were all like "Oh...right...yes, of course."

It's just thoughtless and narrow to assume everyone has the same bloody income as you do if your'e well off.

Caffeinator Sat 30-Apr-16 07:53:18


PoppieD Sat 30-Apr-16 07:59:12

From experience DONT go!! For DM 60th DS booked restaurant, vvv expensive (for us) starters from £10 for eg- I had no starter then starter as main (claiming not hungry) DP had cheapest main and neither of us had alcohol, still nearly got stiffed with 'share' of bill to be £120 due to others indulgences- first time had ever stood up to family and meant we left directly after, but no way when our actual cost was about £40! Still weeks food budget back then.

SlimCheesy Sat 30-Apr-16 08:03:20

I am so sympathetic to that Poppy. Had a very similar experience once, with a similar bill. It hurt . The person who booked it is a wealthy cousin who lives in Belgravia. The restaurant was their 'nice casual local'. It meant serius scrimping and re-juggling the bills for ages.

IceMaiden73 Sat 30-Apr-16 08:07:44

Don't go but tell them the truth

Would it be possible to join them for a drink before or after the meal, but not actually eat?

Umbrelladilemma Sat 30-Apr-16 08:10:54

See you sure they are not planning to pay? I've been to 2 birthday meals out recently, one family and ins friends - both have been paid for by the host.

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