Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

AIBU?

Husband on steriods

18 replies

elymay01 · 30/03/2016 17:22

Hi sorry if his is long but need advice, my husband has always been a fitness freak but he's been on steriods before although I don't condone it he's never had any Sid effects and he has a trained nurse who makes sure it's all clean etc etc, basically he's been on his new steriod at he last 9 weeks and he's changed he's gone from kind and caring to cold and mean he snaps at the kids for silly things he gets angry at something as silly as a slow driver, he's looking at me while I talk to him and he looks gaunt and switched off its like he's looking throw me me and his mother have confronted him about it and he says he feels low and has no motivation he realises he's being horrible to me but he can't see why, I believe this stuff he's on is causing some kind of depression he's admitted its his fault and that I deserve someone better thing is I want my old husband back he a great father and we have a third on the way, I feel abandoned by bum but I'm more worried about how to help him I've suggested seeing a doctor and he is not willing to come of the steroids. He won't admit it's them that's causing his sudden mood change to life. I'm scare I'm going to lose my husband because he wants huge arms, it's really hurting me I'm only 12 weeks and I feel so alone because of this please no harsh words.

OP posts:

Report

GraysAnalogy · 30/03/2016 17:25

Oh :(

I think this has to be a deal breaker for you and you need to tell him so. He either stops or you leave. You can't live with him making choices like this and consequently abusing you.

Also I'm a bit dubious about the trained nurse. There's such a thing as needle exchanges but they don't check that the steroids are clean or anything! How does he know them?

catewood21 · 30/03/2016 17:27

so is he taking them for medical reasons, or to build up his physique?

GeezeLouiseBelcher · 30/03/2016 17:27

I really feel for you, it sounds like you're in a miserable situation. I have no experience of this, but I do know steroid abuse would be a deal breaker for me.

If it was a deal breaker for you, would he stop? If you issued an ultimatum? That's what I'd do.

elymay01 · 30/03/2016 17:28

All for his body building he's a trained nurse sorry spelling is terrible.

OP posts:

GraysAnalogy · 30/03/2016 17:29

If he's a trained actual registered nurse he's risking his job :(

CockacidalManiac · 30/03/2016 17:31

And his registration

elymay01 · 30/03/2016 17:31

He's been on them since I met him so it never bothered me before and he doesn't use them at our home I would never allow that, but because he's never had side effects like this before I never was to strict with him about it but now I've told him stop them or leave but he refuses to admit it's the steroids that's causing his depression,

OP posts:

elymay01 · 30/03/2016 17:31

He's not working as a nurse at the moment

OP posts:

elymay01 · 30/03/2016 17:32

Steroids are not alegal to use but are to sell.

OP posts:

AdrenalineFudge · 30/03/2016 17:33

Steroid abuse and you're currently in your first trimester?

GraysAnalogy · 30/03/2016 17:38

It doesn't matter about that, if the NMC finds out he's abusing steroids then it's very likely he would be struck off the register and never be able to work as a nurse again.

Is he working at all at the moment?

You need to put your foot down I'm afraid otherwise you're going to be living with this mess and it will only be worse when the baby comes :( you need to think about yourself and your own health. If he has depression he needs to go to the GP and get that sorted, he knows all this as a nurse but seems to be putting his quest for a better body first.

lifesagas · 30/03/2016 18:04

OP is right, steroids are not illegal to use. There are loads of Nurses, Dr's, solicitors etc that use them. The NMC/GMC would need a report suggesting fitness to practice was impaired to even investigate let alone do anything and if the DH isn't currently working as a nurse that isn't an issue. How would the NMC even begin to build a case?.

I worked for a few weeks in the local 'roids' clinic which was attached to drug services but the roid users all considered themselves very differently to 'drug users'. Particularly the ones in professional jobs who thought they knew better, had read more research etc. They were only there because they were mandated to attend by probation or employers etc.

I also had a very narcissistic BF roid user (a Dr) who countered my every argument with endless neurological/physiological baffling 'I know more than you so shut up' lectures.

So I shut up and left. Luckily I didn't have a baby tying me to him but it was still awful. I also have a family member who has been stacking and cycling roids for years with no discernible effect on his functioning or personality so it's not a case that it always effects people negatively.

But you can say that for lots of drug use - doesn't mean that for those it DOES effect, it effects hugely.

There is IMO something particular about the irrationality of steroid users who are being damaged by it because they don't see it as 'drug-using' and therefore don't recognise the negative effects on them or their relationships.

I'm usually not an ultimatum kind of person but I think one might be needed here. Sorry OP.

memyselfandaye · 30/03/2016 19:44

They may not be illegal to take but surely buying them is?

Thank fuck he isn't working as a nurse at the moment.

I would issue and ultimatum, either you or the drugs, and mean it.

Pufflehuff · 30/03/2016 19:54

There was a journalist who used them. 16 weeks. He notes the aggression and testosterone-driven side effects all too well, as well as the abscess he got in his thigh.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2008/may/18/healthandwellbeing.features1

I'm sorry this is happening to you. The aggression would be a huge dealbreaker; he isn't safe anymore and either needs to accept that and seek help, or he can swell himself alone.

Pufflehuff · 30/03/2016 19:54

(he used them for novel research, so his insight is less addiction-addled and more of an observation.)

Fionajsd · 30/03/2016 19:56

I'm on steroids for medical reasons and I know my self I am short tempered , I can hear myself saying stuff that I wouldn't normally say.
I would tell him he has to stop or your going,
I'm only on a 3 week course thank god so I know it's only for a short time x

molyholy · 30/03/2016 21:22

Sorry op. My sister had been through this with her now ex. He ended up dragging her round the bedroom by her hair when she was pregnant. This WAS due to steroid abuse. Dealbreaker for me.

shinynewusername · 30/03/2016 21:30

He quits or you leave - sorry. I would rather have a partner abusing most recreational drugs than steroids. It's not just the temper - it is all the physical risks to his health: infection, osteoporosis, cardiovascular disease, some cancers. If he is this selfish and narcissistic, you are better off without him.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.