To wish she'd let me sit the fuck down (lighthearted)

[PiperChapstick]

My mum has been visiting this weekend (she lives away) and it has been lovely to see her, and lovely to have a bit of help with DD! DH works lots of nights and weekends so often I'm on my todd at home with my nearly 3yo.

Anyway, when mum's here it means she can play with her while I do various things that I usually leave until DD is in bed (and she adores DD so is happy to oblige!). But I've also taken my time in doing things, and sat down for more than I usually do, and generally done things at a leisurely place.

Every fecking time I have actually not done anything this weekend, for some reason it sends shockwaves through my house. For example, mum was playing with DD so I did washing and putting clothes away. After I did that I sat on the sofa l, intending to have 5 minutes of doing naff all, and it was about 30 seconds before mum stuck her head through the door and said "what you doing? Why are you sitting down?"

I think she expects me to be a martyr like she is running around the house in a tizzy all the time, putting my hand to my forehead and saying "I just can't cope". She is very suspicious of my laid back attitude, and can't believe I don't run around with a duster glued to my hands and mops to my feet so I can clean as I go.

I went to a concert last night (tickets bought before mum booked to come) with my friend, meaning a very capable DH was looking after DD. Even getting ready, I showered, did my hair and make up etc and half way through trying and failing to do an eyeliner flick she bursts into my room to find out what's taking so long

Then as I was going out the door (went for a meal with friend before concert) she said "are you not going to make us our dinner before we go?" - I said no as DH is more than capable and she said "oh I didn't realise he could cook".

I also got a severe bollocking for drinking last night when i "have a daughter to get up to, it's just not setting a good example".

She's going in the morning. It sounds mean but what a relief it will be - I think she expects me to have a 1950s attitude to marriage like she does with her husband and thinks I'm most peculiar for wanting to actually relax once in a while. Her friends are the same, and they all live in a world of competitive-martyrdom. I actually once heard one of them say "I do so much after the kids come back from school, if I have my dinner it means I don't finish my chores, so I've stopped eating dinner altogether and just have a couple of digestives with my cuppa"

[WannabeLaraCroft]

Ooft, she sounds like hard work!

Well done for keeping the peace!

[ImperialBlether]

The only answer to that is "You have a cuppa? I haven't had one since the morning I got married. I'd like the chance to have one!"

[BestZebbie]

Did she think that she was supposed to be occupying DD as a favour to you so that you could get things done, rather than for her/DDs benefit in getting to spend some 1-on-1 time with each other?

It does really irritate me if I tag in for childcare with my DH (on days when we are both at home and sharing who is overseeing play) so that he can do a specific chore and then find him on Facebook/reading/etc - I don't begrudge him those activities or mind doing the parenting whilst he has a break (eg: rather than whilst he does something 'productive') at some point in the day but not when that is not what I thought I was doing at that moment!

[Fatmomma99]

Your DH sounds great!

[Fitzers]

My mum is a bit like that, in that when she calls over she minds the baby so I can get some things done, and she does like to prompt me if I appear to be resting a bit too much. She means well though and often offers to babysits too so I can go out and enjoy some child free time. During the day though, she sees it more as freeing me up for other jobs, and I think that's fair enough really.

[TheSkiingGardener]

Sounds like she has spent her life in that fog of martyrdom. If she lets you get away with enjoying yourself and finds out that your DH is actually competent then she might have to admit that her life could have been easier.

[kawliga]

OMG this is so not a lighthearted thread. Which is the lighthearted bit? Your mother sounds awful, I'm sorry to say. Which is the lighthearted part because I'm not getting it? Is it the part where she's lovely and helped with your dd? If your DH is often working and you are doing most of the childcare then that is exhausting and you deserve a rest, of course. I found your post sad. Didn't get the grin at the end, I felt sad for those women.

Think I've officially turned into a grumpy woman.

[PerryHatter]

Her mother doesn't sound awful. I would assume lighthearted as in, read this and think, 'she does my head in but I think she's great' rather than 'what a bitch, I can't stand her'. As previously mentioned, maybe she thinks she's watching your DD so that you can get things done.
Next time, just say you're having five minutes peace.