to want to spend MD doing what I want to do?

[madmotherof2]

Hi,

I'll give as much background to avoid drip feeding!

We're currently going through a hard time with our youngest as he's going through chemotherapy. It puts a lot of pressure on family time, DH and I have recently spent a lot of time having to share time in hospital with DS, also meaning that DS1 has to fit in around it all too.

This weekend we had planned to go away for a night, however our plans have had to change due to ill health of our youngest.

My parents weren't impressed that we were going away for Mother's Day. As my dad said " it's your mums Mother's Day", which I don't disagree but it's also mine! I'm not usually bothered about it, and we'd normally spend it with my mum, but this year things are different and I would like to spend it with my boys.

As we are not able to go away ( DS2 is gutted) we've arranged to do something tomorrow to make up for it. My parents are not happy, they feel that if our weekend is cancelled then our next priority should be seeing them. They are not willing to come along on our day out.

AIBU saying that this year we're doing this? I know my mind is all over the place at the moment so I could be being very selfish about it, but I'm wanting to just spend quality time with my DH and our boys.

I've sent Mum some flowers and cards.

[FigMango1]

I'm so sorry for what your family is going through off course you are not being unreasonable at all to do whatever you feel like. Even if you decided to have a duvet day and see no one then your parents need to suck it up. It must be quite so hurtful that they are being so selfish. Just spend the day as you wish. All the best to your ds.

[Arkhamasylum]

YANBU.

The very least you all deserve is a fun day out. I hope you have a lovely time.

[SunnySomer]

You have my every sympathy and I think you're totally reasonable.
I've been feeling very much the same thing this year (with far less justification than you, you seem to be going through an awful time): my DS is having sleepover tonight (his birthday) and I thought tomorrow would be nice and quiet and a calm-down relaxing day, but my mum did this really kind of hurt "oh, it's not about cards and presents, it's about TIME" so I ended up inviting them for lunch and realised I'm basically going to spend all weekend cooking and tidying and entertaining.... Which is kind of. Well it's not going to kill me, but it's just a bit disappointing.

[DoreenLethal]

I think your kids need this so do it.

[MummyIsMyFavouriteName]

NBU. With all you are going through, it is so important that you spend time with your sons. If your DM wants to see you, you have given her the option of coming along (something I would not have done as they are being so unreasonable). It's your day too. I'm lucky. Mother's Day really isn't a big deal in our family. Card and a small present, that's it. We make no real plans or anything.

[mangocoveredlamb]

I'm really sorry to hear about your DS.
I'm of the opinion that Mother's Day is for the person doing the most mothering. So the person with dependant children. I have no idea if that is right or not but that's how we're doing it, and it certainly how it was when I was a child.

Tomorrow I'm abandoning DH and DD and going for a posh brunch with a best friend, as we both wanted a break!!

[NeedACleverNN]

Nope you are more than reasonable to have Mother's Day to yourself.
In fact we have done my mums and dh's mums present and card already so all I've got to do is ring them tomorrow and wish them a happy Mother's Day.
I then get to lay about whilst dh cooks roast sausages with onions and all the trimmings

hope your lo gets well soon though and that their treatment works

[Callaird]

I'm not even a mother and still not spending Mother's Day with my mother!

To be fair, I booked to come away to stay with a friend before Christmas, not even thinking about Mother's Day as it's so early this year.

I've sent mum flowers and no card as it's still in my handbag to post on the way to the airport! I'll call her tomorrow. I think it's a bigger deal when you have children at home to spoil you. I see my mum once or twice every three months for a long weekend, I buy her nice food that I know she won't buy for them both, I'll take them out for lunch or dinner and I'll buy her a bunch of daffs or cheap flowers as and when I see them (dad gets gardening stuff or a nice bottle of whisky if I'm feeling flush!)

If you have children, you are a mother every day! I think it's much nicer to spoil them with a surprise than when you are told to!