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To hate being touched?

(14 Posts)
fastingmum123 Fri 04-Mar-16 04:56:38

I just can't stand it. I can tolerate dp but anyone else I get very defensive. The idea of having a massage sends terror through me and even when at the hairdresser and they start doing that massage thing when washing your hair part of me wants to do whatever it takes to get away. I don't even like hugging people and if my children get to clingy I just want to get away.

Am I the only person like this?

McPheeNicks Fri 04-Mar-16 05:17:00

I used to be the same. Absolutely hated it. Still mostly dislike it, but I can tolerate a hug from a friend these days. I don't know how much of it is just a personality trait (I am an introvert and like my space) and how much to do with my anxiety/PTSD.

No need to have a massage if the idea doesn't appeal, surely.

Chiup Fri 04-Mar-16 06:48:19

I used to be like this in my teens and early 20s. Then I married into a culture where it is extremely rude not to hug and kiss cheeks when you greet people! I trained myself not to flinch and it got easier, I guess I became desensitised. I still don't like it but it nolonger fills me with horror. I also started getting regular threading, facials and manicures, so am now used to having my face and hands touched. I wouldn't have a full body massage though.

I think it's difficult to get through life hating to be touched. So much stress for nothing and you'll come across as cold/unfriendly if you don't return a friend's hug. It is a bit neurotic and you will upset people who try to hug/kiss/touch arm/shake hands and other normal social contact.

Most people (children especially) find gentle touch very reassuring and comforting. Touch is an important part of being a parent, spouse, friend. What happens if your child needs a cuddle or wants to snuggle up to you when they're ill?

IMO it's best to train yourself out of this, the way you would any other phobia that impacts daily life. Have you considered CBT/NLP?

TheyreMadITellYouMaaaad Fri 04-Mar-16 07:05:58

I used to be very much like this, too. So much so that I now have life-long joint problems because I refused to be treated after minor injuries in my late teens/early 20s.

But those same injuries are also the reason I used to be like this. In my 30s my body seized up so badly, and I was in such dreadful, constant pain, that I had to bite the bullet and get treatment. I happened to meet the most amazing massage therapist who taught me not just to tolerate touch but to actively enjoy therapeutic massage. It took months, maybe even a couple of years, but changed my life.

Now I find I can love touch, but it has to be on my terms and with the right people. Being less hostile to touch makes my life easier, less stressful overall.

But I have also had to learn that it's OK to be this way, that the fact that I don't like my beloved children touching my face with their hands, or that sometimes I find their cuddles overwhelming, doesn't mean that I am a bad mother. It means that I have to find gentle,loving ways of explaining or diverting them, and alternative, mutually satisfactory, ways of allowing them to express their feelings.

Zaurak Fri 04-Mar-16 07:42:39

I think it's quite common. I hate being touched by anyone one other than dh and ds. It makes me flinch.
Even ds to be honest if he's been attached to me all day - I often get a panicky reaction

hels71 Fri 04-Mar-16 07:46:25

I am the same. I can cope with DD most of the time and DH some of the time....but rarely anyone else.
(My mum always reckons it's because i was not held as a baby until I was about 3 or 4 days old, except for feeding...)

RonniePickering Fri 04-Mar-16 08:33:12

I'm the same. I seem to instinctively know when it's not DP's hand on me, and if someone slips their hand around me for a photo I hate it.

QueryQuery Fri 04-Mar-16 09:03:18

I'm one of you. Don't like hugging, massage, random touchers. I'm hugely physically (and socially) awkward. The only type of massage I've ever tolerated is the Thai kind where they almost beat you up.

I've been known to take painkiller before a hairdressers appt

Nothing to do with how I was raised either, the rest of the family are all very comfortable huggers and kissers.

CreamofTartar Fri 04-Mar-16 09:04:30

I don't think it's remotely unusual or unhealthy. Don't sweat it.

Sparklingbrook Fri 04-Mar-16 09:13:29

I hate it. I am not a hugger, and the thought of a massage-yuk.

I can tolerate the hairdresser and getting my eyebrows/lashes done but I want it over with.

I struggle at the dentists because I find it all a bit too close.

Keeptrudging Fri 04-Mar-16 09:15:09

I'm the same. My idea of hell. I hate going to the hairdressers, have never had a manicure and really struggled getting my make-up done for my wedding. Hate, with a passion, anything on staff training days which involves touchy-feely 'bonding' activities e.g. All getting into a circle and massaging each other's shoulders angry.

I was so known for being 'unhuggy' that when we had a new HT who gave me a hug (after I'd been assaulted by a pupil), other staff around us visibly reeled grin. I will hug small children, I'm not totally heartless!

thewocketinyourpocket Fri 04-Mar-16 09:16:26

My roommate is the same. He hates physical contact, but he attributes it to him living in the NIC-U in a plastic box with no physical human contact for the first three months of his VERY premature life. He said he learned how to be accepting of hugs in his early 20s, when people started coming to him for advice and a shoulder to cry on, but he still doesn't like to hug his family and never hugged his mother as a child.

ghostyslovesheep Fri 04-Mar-16 09:18:20

yep I'm the same - I hate being faffed with - my hairdresser knows not to do that bloody head massage crap on me!

I do like a sports massage but that is hard firm touch not 'stroking' - I have to make myself relax and be hugged by my kids because I don't want to reject their affection but it is hard!

Kim82 Fri 04-Mar-16 09:20:07

I'm the same. I can't stand being touched by anybody apart from dh and the kids. I remember when I was leaving a job and my boss did a little presentation and gave a gift. During his little speech he had his hand on my shoulder the entire time and I couldn't concentrate on a word he was saying as all I was thinking was "get off my shoulder, stop touching me".

Nobody else in my family is like this, I've no idea where it has come from.

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