Hi. I've name changed but been on the site for years. I've had a baby four months ago and things are starting to go wrong. I think it's because my new baby looks like me and as she grows older I know she will just keep looking like me, normally that would be great but I have something wrong with my mind. The girl I was when I was younger I done a Fanta job of erasing her, to the point she was no longer me and was actually just some girl that I used to know when I was a kid. I deleted her from me as I was born into the wrong family, drugs swearing, theifing, fraud...but that was not me, I'm good and honest and just wasn't born that way, I was different from the get go. I was also abused by my stepdad so my whole childhood was shit and when I was 18 and met my future husband I disgarded my previous Life in my head and the child I was. When I was 22 I had a knock on the door, my uncle, the one positive person in my life when I was young was accused of being a peodophile, I told the officers it was not him but my stepdad. That all went wrong turns out my uncle was too as he was found guilty but I went to court about my stepdad and everything and he got away with it all. My adulthood with my husband is brilliant, I had a rubbing childhood and wasn't going to let this blast from the past ruin my good adulthood. I dealt with it the same way, pushing the little girl to the back of my mind as someone I just used to know who these horrible things happened to but wasn't me. It worked ok but not as effectively as before, sometimes I could kid myself I wasn't her but sometimes I also knew she was me, whereas before I was successful in believing I wasn't her.
Anyway it's been 6 years since the blast form the past and I've continued my life and kept my thoughts etc to myself but lately it's not working. I think it's because my daughter looks like her so she is on my mind more. My daughter is 4 months but this girl that haunts me is 5 to 8 years old. She is in the shower with me, when I watch tv when I eat when I drive in the car.... She won't get out of my mind, I can't understand why suddenly I'm struggling to control my mind and thoughts and why I can't get rid of her. For the record I love my new daughter more than my heart... She is not me when I was a kid and she certainly will have the childhood that is deserved and right, she is loved and will have great memories from childhood not nightmares.
In due to go docs today for something else, should I tell the doctor, I've had problems for years really but never told anyone, was always so good at ignoring it but at the minute my mind is broken and won't work how I want it to.
I have a good life, good children loving husband fantastic home lovely pets.....do I really want to taint my life when it is good, I deserve this happiness, will telling the doctor bring all this mess back to the forefront of my life and ruin it.
What should I do, I'm happy and don't want this past back in my life, but don't know what's going on with my mind.
Someone tell me what to do please.
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9 replies
Helpmepls1 · 03/03/2016 08:07
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