To keep a long story short, my father passed away in December at the age of 45. Since then, I've been dealing with the grief of losing my father at such a young age and struggling financially (he didn't have life/funeral insurance). As well as this, I'm currently a full time student and working part-time, so the stress of keeping on top of both of those things has also taken its toll. Combine all this with a pre-existing mental health condition and well, it's been a rough couple of months.
One of my closest friends, who's a man by the way, recently went through a sticky situation with a women he liked who is in a relationship with another man. It's far too complicated to go into but they're no longer speaking and he's been coming to me for support/advice/a shoulder to cry on.
I'm trying to be there for him as a friend but we're having the same conversation over and over again about this girl. Frankly, I'm bored of talking about it and hurt that in all the weeks I've tried to be there for him while he goes through what to me is a trivial situation he hasn't once asked me how I'm doing or if I need anything. He knows about all the financial, emotional, work and college stress I'm under.
Apologies if this post is long, badly written and ranty! AIBU and selfish to expect him to put his problems aside long enough to ask me how I'm doing?
AIBU?
Upset my friend hasn't asked me how I'm doing during a difficult time. AIBU?
AprilDHarvey · 25/02/2016 19:48
YANBU to feel upset. Unfortunately, many people become so wrapped up in their personal problems that they don't think to ask about others' stress and anxieties.
Your friend's emotional radar is turned inwards at the moment, and unless you actually break down in front of him, it probably won't occur to him that you are suffering.
He might even think that you've had time to "get over" your father's death - I think people sometimes underestimate the power of grief if they haven't experienced it themselves, and don't appreciate that it is a lengthy process to come to terms with it.
I'm very sorry for your loss, you must still be reeling from the shock.
You've heard that phrase about people being radiators and drains, right? Your friend is a drain, an emotional vampire, a drama llama. Anyone with half a scintilla of empathy (or a brain) would have buttoned it and woukd be supporting you right now. Get rid and find a friend who repays your obvious warmth and empathy in kind.
Sorry about your Dad too - 45 is so young.
So sorry to hear about your dad. You must be pretty young - early 20s? It's a lot to cope with at such a young age. Your friend is selfish, I hope you have other people to care for you?
Love I don't want to be mean about your friend but life has taught me that there are 2 types of people. Drains and radiators.
Drains are self obsessed and absorbed and only see the world as related yo their feelings/actions/beliefs. They never hold back and tell the world their woes.
Radiators are warm kind people who are willing to listen, support and look outwards. They are listeners and usually hide their problems.
You need to find supportive other friends to help you
So very sorry for your loss. You sound lovely.
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