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AIBU?

Joint stag and hen party

23 replies

operaha · 07/02/2016 18:20

I'm doing this and we can't wait!
Just wondered what people think?
It's very "us" and it's absolutely not because of trust issues (I searched this topic on here and someone was saying a couple they knew had these problems.
It's because we have a very close group of friends, 2 of my best mates are men, we want to do the same things - cheap train to London then a day of things we enjoy, cheap travelodge then home again the next day. We're not asking people to spend a fortune and if anyone can't afford it there's absolutely no guilt attached, it's all very low key etc. I'm not having bridesmaids other than my adult daughter and we're not exactly young, 36 me and 42 him.
The whole big expensive wedding thing isn't us at all, and I can't think of anything worse than spending a fortune on two separate nights/weekends but love the idea of still marking the occasion with a joint one. As do all the invitees thankfully!
My dad is horrified and thinks I'm unreasonable but then he's not massively sure why we're feeding our guests with fish and chips on the beach either

this is not at all a post just because I'm so bloody excited, no not at all

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Titsalinabumsquash · 07/02/2016 18:23

It sounds perfect. If more people due this I'd probably attend.

AnyFucker · 07/02/2016 18:24

Great idea. Why not ?

DisappointedOne · 07/02/2016 18:26

About half of the people on my hen dos were male. Go for it.

wannabestressfree · 07/02/2016 18:26

If it works for you both....

operaha · 07/02/2016 18:26

This is exactly what my "best woman" said. And that's not me being twatty, she really is the best and she's doing all the planning along side us to ease the (very small) strain.
She loathes anything like the stereotypical hen do so is over the moon actually!

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Funclesmuck · 07/02/2016 18:29

Yes totally great. I have been on many stag and hens, two of the best we're both "shag" gettit!! Just a random group of people having a great time, and then the weddings were great because we all knew each otherIYSWIM

SmallBee · 07/02/2016 18:33

YANBU sounds brilliant, go for it! A friend of mine did this and called it their 'Hag do'. If people don't like it they can do it differently when they get married.

operaha · 07/02/2016 18:51

Shag! Brilliant! Sounds a bit swingery but I think my friends will appreciated that!
The word "sten" makes my teeth itch.

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FishWithABicycle · 07/02/2016 18:54

We did this (and yes called it the shag party) and it was great. Be who you are. Your friends will love it. Anyone who moans isn't much of a friend.

MissBattleaxe · 07/02/2016 18:57

Sounds great. Go for it. The whole thing is built on the tradition that the bride or groom will have no freedom after marriage, which is pretty outdated when most couples have been living together prior to marriage.

tilliebob · 07/02/2016 18:58

My friends did this...way back about 20 years ago. We had a hoot!

operaha · 07/02/2016 19:05

Urgh on another note... my mum feels she's entitled to be included in everything.
She is going to want to come but my dad wouldn't care less.
I wouldn't mind and we are ending the evening in her sisters part of London, but she's the most awful drunk and there will be a lot of drinking, she just turns vile to me and anyone else she feels like. Part of the day is in the brewery and to be honest even if it was in a convent, she'd find a way... we went to a wedding fair today ( most hideous thing I've ever been to) and she had wine at most while we all supped on coffee because it was a special treat. WTF, no it wasn't, my best woman and I wanted a giggle, but of course she had to come.
I'll just say no shall I!?

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operaha · 07/02/2016 19:06

Wine at midday

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Ludways · 07/02/2016 19:08

I'd have preferred that and so would dh. I gave in to peer pressure and consequently my hen do was something to be endured.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 07/02/2016 19:11

In that case don't call it a "shag do" or whatever. Say "DF and I both really hate stag/hen dos so we're not having one." Coincidentally happen to have a pre-wedding day out with some of your uni/work mates....and your sister who knows them and was free that day.

pasturesgreen · 07/02/2016 19:17

I've been to one like this years ago. It was great fun! Wish more people would do that!

operaha · 07/02/2016 19:17

My parents could handle the shag do title! And she's lovely when not drinking, bit obviously a do where there is a train journey at 10am and some of the boys may have a drink then, will be an excuse to get on it ridiculously early.
Awkward. Wonder if I could suggest that her and my dad have a night at her sisters and we'll see them in the pub there when we get back which will be about 8. That way there is a vague chance she won't drink until the evening by which point we'll all be smashed I expect

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queenoftheworld93 · 07/02/2016 19:20

We are doing this! Older family are shocked and think it's awful, friends think it's a great idea. We are going to do separate activities through the day then a big party in the evening.

Concerned97 · 07/02/2016 19:30

Brilliant!!! I love that idea!!

I wish 29 years ago when DH and I got married that we did that, we would've both loved it.

Have fun!!

tappitytaptap · 07/02/2016 19:58

Think it sounds great. I went on a hen do with blokes there and was fab. I agree OP that I have a lot of male friends too and would have considered this if I'd thought about it at the time!!

Tabsicle · 07/02/2016 19:58

We're doing this! We're calling it a 'hag' do.

NotEnoughTime · 07/02/2016 20:02

I think it's a great idea can I come?

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GloGirl · 07/02/2016 20:31

I never really understood the point of it.

If what you'd really like to do is to meet up the two of you with all your friends and family and do XYZ why not have that as your wedding?

But that's me just being pissy because it's in AIBU. Have fun and ignore me!

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