To want my own pension?

[Chocolatehooverer]

I've been a SAHM for more than 5 years and I am now returning back to work part-time.

I said to my DH that I would like to opt in for the new workplace pension scheme. He says it's pointless (he is pensioned up to the eyeballs and one of then is a very generous one). I have never had a pension. He says it would be better to use the money now as we need it as a family. I tend to think we've been through harder times and in those times I have asked him if it is worth stopping contributions on his smaller pension seeing as the other is so generous. He wasn't interested in that.

I would so like to have my own pension. It's very important to me. I have been financially dependent on him for years and I don't want to be until the end of my life. I find myself feeling like a parasite. I would feel immense pride in taking steps to look after myself in my old age (even if his contribution to the household is the biggest by a long shot).

I can't help but feel that he wants me to be dependent on him and that this discussion is making him feel insecure in that I am somehow making preparations in case we're not together in the future.

I am very strong minded about this and I have told him that my mind is set.

I did calculate how much I would be contributing each month and it is peanuts as I am part-time right now. In the future it will obviously step up. I told him how much it amounts to and he said if that was the amount then he couldn't really argue with it. But it's the principal of this that I want him to understand.

AIBU? I'm not am I?

[notenoughbottle]

YANBU. What happens if you end up separating at some point? Obviously this isn't something that appears to be in you're current life plans but I think you can never say never. I think you're making a sensible decision. I'm 31 and it scares me that I have no pension pot. As soon as I'm able to get back to work I'll be doing the same as you plan.

[gleam]

YANBU and very sensible imo.

[YaySirNaySir]

Yanbu. Sort the pension at work asap

[Diddlydokey]

YANBU. If they're signed up to auto enrolment you're missing out on a 5% contribution from your employer if you don't put in 3% (Unless they contribute on your half regardless, some do). You really won't notice the 3% but will benefit from the 8% contribution.

[TJEckleburg]

YANBU on the point of principle (though as you are married in any divorce settlement his pension would be treated as joint assets and you'd get a share of it)
Also if he is "pensioned up to the eyeballs" it may be better to contribute to yours rather than his - new Lifetime allowance rules mean any pension above £1m (which roughly equates to a pension of £50k per year) is taxable. So make sure he's actually investigated whether it's worthwhile to continue to put money into his as well.

[JessicaJones]

I am a SAHM and retraining for work. Once I qualify and get a job I will be 41 and I'm planning on putting as much into savings/pension as I possibly can, because I've lost so much time already.

YANBU. If he really feels insecure because you are planning for your future, HIBU, and ridiculous.

[Twitterqueen]

Do it. As soon as you can.
I was never a SAHM but I worked flexibly as a freelance consultant around the children and never really thought about it tbh.

Now that we're divorced it has taken me 4 years to get the portion of his pension because he refused to answer any of the pension provider's letters or queries.