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AIBU?

To be worrying about Worrying about DD when I go into labour?

16 replies

Onthedowns · 21/01/2016 22:11

Hi it's so irrational and probably hormonal but currently 30 weeks pregnant thinking about labour and how I will cope about DD who us nearly 4!!! Do you switch off about your other children??? I had a terrible labour with her and PPH . I am just worried I will spend the whole time worrying about her? And what if something happen to me? I know she will be at nursery, grandparents . Aunties etc . Pregnancy was a huge surprise after not being able to concieve again and I can't imagine loving another baby like her? Will I push her out??

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CherryPlum · 21/01/2016 22:42

I don't know what PPH means. You sound hormonal, don't worry you'll be fine, and your DD will be fine, I expect she'll get spoilt rotten by her aunties and grandparents.

Sorebigtoes · 21/01/2016 22:50

In my experience I worried until I was at hospital (for induction) and then I just got swept along with the process of giving birth and didnt worry about my older child because i knew there was nothing i could physically do for them. Afterwards take each day as it comes - there were good and bad days for me but overall I think DD has benefitted from having a sibling and I love having two children! I hope tuings go better for you this time.

DoJo · 21/01/2016 23:05

I worried about my eldest until the time actually came and then I was focussed on getting the job done, introducing the brothers to one another and getting home so we could be a family of four. We had a good plan in place for his care and although I was away from him for longer than I would ideally have wanted, I was so excited to see him once it was all over and there hasn't been a single second that he has been pushed out or overlooked. Our preparation during pregnancy involved a lot of telling him how you make more love when you have a new baby so there's plenty to go round, and (to my great relief) it's totally true!

Solongtoshort · 21/01/2016 23:19

I have a 10 week old daughter and a son who is 3.7 and I worried, I didn't want him to miss me be scared and worried I wasn't there. I was induced so didn't see him for 28 hours then he came to see me after having lunch with grandad the second day I was there, he wanted to get on the bed and I had to be the doctor, he wanted to move the bed up and down,look out of the window at the car park and the barrier going up and down and the midwife had to check his pulse and temperature too when she checked mine. Other than that he was fine I cried when he left he was going for a sleep over didn't even look back down the corridor. One the second day he said i can't play in here when's the baby coming out so we can go home, I said she was in the cot and he has been jealous ever since.

It's a mixture of hormones and her being your whole world right now, your worlds about to get bigger and she will be just fine. I think the love is the same but different, I worried about that too. Goodluck.

DisappointedOne · 22/01/2016 00:12

You do need to be careful, but there's plenty of guidance.

www.janetlansbury.com/2013/04/helping-kids-adjust-to-life-with-the-new-baby/

Onthedowns · 22/01/2016 00:42

Thank you sorry PPH is post partum haemorrhage ! I needed 3 blood transfusions and was in hospital 5 days! She talks about baby a lot we explain to her best we can. We have just ordered a book for her, I am sure she will be ok but I guess you never know! I think I an same in that she spends a lot of time with me and I don't want her to worry where I am!!

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Kryptonite · 22/01/2016 00:53

It's natural to feel anxiety and worrying about your other child when you're pregnant with your 2nd.
My ds was nearly 4 when I had ds2. I worried about what would happen when I went into labour and whether he'd be OK, even though I knew he'd be with my mum and dad (his grandparents so in safe hands).
I ended up having to be in hospital with ds2 for 5 days. Between his Dad, and grandparents, he was well looked after.
Don't worry, and there's always enough love to go round for both children!

Discopanda · 22/01/2016 01:05

I was really worried about DD1 (3) when I was pregnant with DD2 but talked about how she was going to have a little sister lots, got her to help me pack her backpack in case she had to stay with a relative overnight and everyone rallied around. It's hard going from being devoted to one child to having 2, one of which is a completely dependent newborn but your DC will love their new sibling :-)

Fresh01 · 22/01/2016 09:47

Don't worry too much about the PPH. I had one with DC1 but didn't have one with my other 3 deliveries. They did put a cannula in my hand when I got to hospital for each of the subsequent deliveries just in case. I also wasn't allowed in the bath/shower during labour as any bleeding is harder to quantify in water.
I found that when in labour I did just focus on the baby being born safely. I knew the other children were at school/playgroup/in bed or with a grandparent. So they would be fine.
I have 2 years between each and always got the others to do a very short visit to hospital to meet the baby, so they knew where I had been and that they baby hadn't come from Tescos!
Ours always adjusted very easily to another sibling. We never prevented them touching the baby but did encourage them to touch its legs and feet rather than prod its face. They were never allowed to lift the baby as the eldest was only turning 6 when no.4 arrived but if they wanted to hold the baby the could but they had to be sitting in the middle of the sofa and an adult gave them the baby.
Don't always run to the baby immediately it cries. It won't remember crying for an extra 30 seconds but the older child will remember being left immediately the baby makes a sound.
For the last few weeks of pregnancy we put the baby seat in the car and got the older ones to pick dolls or teddies to try out the car seat and make sure it was safe for the baby.
Try and do as much for the baby in the same room the other child is in. Ours use to guess what the baby had done in its nappy, so they could be involved. The baby would have a baby with them from a young age etc.
You do love the younger siblings as much as the first.

Fresh01 · 22/01/2016 09:48

Sorry the baby would bath with the older ones from a young age.

Elisheva · 22/01/2016 10:09

Both DC2 and 3 brought presents with them for their older siblings when they were born. So when the older ones visited the hospital and looked in the cot they found a baby and a wrapped up present! That went down very well!

NoIdeaWhoIAm · 22/01/2016 10:21

I don't mean to be alarmist, but it's not the relationship with the sibling that you need to worry about. I was a devoted big sister but I've recently discovered I have enormous attachment issues (I'm nearly 40) which can be traced straight back to the birth of my sibling. They've affected me without me realising through my whole life. Mum did plenty to get me involved with baby, read me books while feeding etc, but still managed to push me out with other behaviours (which continue even now). I'm sure she has no idea she's even doing it (and there were some mitigating circumstances).

It's so very important to meet your older child's needs when new baby arrives. Make time for them - just them, listen to them with all of your attention, think about the language you use and don't expect them to be more grown up/independent than they really are. Wishing you good luck.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 22/01/2016 10:31

I worried about my first when I had my second and then I worried about my first and second when I had my third. It's definitely normal, but it just makes the whole being heavily pregnant/hormonal thing harder emotionally.
I remember though that the worrying goes once you're in labour because you become so focused on what you need to do.
Your DD will be fine and it sounds like you have plenty of support from family, and if she happens to be at nursery there will be someone to pick her up.

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 22/01/2016 10:33

Sorry, my above post is just talking about worrying about your child when you go off to have your baby.

Onthedowns · 22/01/2016 10:47

Thank you it's reassuring to hear experiences! I am sure all will be fine although dd still suffers a little with separation anxiety a little. I have seen consultant with regards to birth and I will need an injection or drip after to make sure placenta comes away quicker! I think just with labour getting nearer I am panicking!!!

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LadyLuck81 · 22/01/2016 13:53

My daughter ended up in the delivery suite with me when her brother was born as it was all a bit fast. She was leaning over the side of the birthing pool asking me if it hurt just as he crowned.

But before that no I wasn't worried and actually all that has happened is I discovered I've the capacity to love two kids easily and I made an effort from day one to keep her included in looking after him.

One thing that worked for us was keeping some story books downstairs so when I was feeding DS I read her a story at the same time so she wasn't pushed out.

Good luck!

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