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(8 Posts)
CheeseBagette Mon 04-Jan-16 16:39:00

AIBU to conclude that in order to maintain friendships, it involves accepting that most people have less desirable qualities of some sort. If I fell out with friends each time they annoy me, I probably wouldn't have any left by now.

Just by way of an example, I have a friend who "Bends the truth" to get out of a tight spot. My MIL, tells lies constantly, mostly to appear more interesting when telling an anecdote. Most of these lies are not harmful to me in any way, but annoy me that people cannot just be honest.

Another example: I have friends who are very self centred but greatly entertaining.

AIBU to assume that having the ability to grit your teeth and say nothing is an essential life skill to rub along?

xmasseason Mon 04-Jan-16 17:02:33

YANBU. I think you're right. None of us is perfect and friendships need effort and give-and-take. A true friend likes us just as we are, despite our faults.

I am glad friends have been tolerant of my mistakes in the past, particularly when I was going through things they had no idea of.

There will always be some people who cut off everyone who they don't deem worthy. Then there are the compassionate people who forgive. I'm not saying be a doormat, but I agree that the fashion is to cull any friend who irritates you even slightly. I think that leads to "surface" relationships where problems can't be worked through.

NinaSharp Mon 04-Jan-16 17:10:21


A lot of friendships, especially old or close friendships, aren't that much different from being in a relationship.

No one is perfect. Everyone does something that annoys someone else, everyone does shitty things from time to time.

People who get irritated by or fall out with people who do something that annoys them must believe they are 100% perfect all the time.

My friends aren't perfect. But then neither am I.

Moglet85 Mon 04-Jan-16 17:12:17

Think it depends on what your personal boundaries are. If tardiness winds you up, for example, and friend continues to operate in their own time zone despite you mentioning that it upsets you and they aren't apologetic then that's disrespectful. Why would you be friends with someone who doesn't respect you?

wasonthelist Mon 04-Jan-16 17:42:16

Yanbu and being accepting (within reason) of our faults is why our family gets on ok.

LordBrightside Mon 04-Jan-16 17:43:35

I think as we get older we become more and more independent in every way. As a youth my friends and I used to do everything together and live in one another's pockets.

As I've got older, things have changed and my tolerance of crap from friends reduces with each passing year. Some have not been able to adapt to how things have changed and moan perpetually about how we don't all go out drinking much anymore etc. I just ignore that chat now and don't entertain it but I find i have less desire to see them and spend time with them.

It can be hard to maintain strong friendships as a proper adult because so many people are in fact knobs.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 04-Jan-16 17:45:17

My MIL will be hurtful rather than lie. Unless she's the one hiding something and knows she's done wrong angry. Then she conveniently can't hear..

Headmelt Mon 04-Jan-16 18:03:13

I was unaware that people were so fickle about friendship and were so intolerant of others until I started reading forums online.

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