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AIBU?

To be feeling terribly hard done by????

20 replies

Mamachuck · 24/12/2015 00:11

DH works hard. I am 24w and we have a 3yo DS. DH has been out in the evenings this week 3 times already, woken me up on two of those (very late) nights before me having to get up for work/nursery runs. I've just finished wrapping his family's gifts so he can deliver them tomorrow (while I'm at work) and not have to try and wrap with a 3yo rocking about. Also completed DS' gifts so he can go out guilt free tomorrow evening for a couple of drinks. He's come in much later tonight than he'd said he would, said he was tired and gone up to bed shoving a pile of washing onto the floor at my side of the bed. I've had to cancel my one night of plans catching up with my school friends this week because I've been so very tired due to being woken up by DH (late at night) and DS early in the morning (which I'm dealing with as DH is drunk/fast asleep).
AIBU to feel completely hard done by this week???? I can't decide if I'm feeling terribly sensitive/emotional due to pregnancy hormones or whether my DH is just unwittingly being a complete tosser. Usually he's fine and a great daddy. This week he seems to have taken leave of this.....

OP posts:

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antimatter · 24/12/2015 00:17

DH has been out in the evenings this week 3 times already
AND
Also completed DS' gifts so he can go out guilt free tomorrow evening for a couple of drinks

do you mean he went out every single evening and you are also being such a good wife that you are taking care of his feelings by wrapping presents up for your DS so he can go out tomorrow as well?

when would your nigh out have been? I assume not this week because there are no more nights left to go out unless it was going to be Christmas Day!

don't be a martyr and take on his responsibilities!

are you his mum????

AnotherTimeMaybe · 24/12/2015 00:20

If it was me I wouldn't make it a big deal since it's one off and he's great otherwise

kilmuir · 24/12/2015 00:22

Doormat.
people will treat you as badly as you allow

Mamachuck · 24/12/2015 00:23

He was out Sunday, Monday and tonight. My night was tuesday. Just trying to be supportive as he doesn't often go out. I suppose my beef is feeling like he's taking the mick and forgetting I'm pregs!

OP posts:

Mmmmcake123 · 24/12/2015 00:32

Completely taking advantage but sometimes people don't realise they are, you have to point it out.
However I wouldn't bother saying you wrapped presents to help him, that was your call and if you are tired you should not do this.if it is not important to him don't make it important to you.
You need to create your own equal footing, losing out on your one night out is absurd and he needs to be told that. Don't assume he knows without pointing out the obvious. Good luck xx

Mmmmcake123 · 24/12/2015 00:37

BTW you really shouldn't be aggrieved purely because you are pg. In any situation having someone coming in a bit drunk 3 times in a week leading to upset sleep and tiredness for you is not really on whether you had children or not

Fairenuff · 24/12/2015 00:42

I think you need to stop being a martyr and look after yourself a bit better.

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 24/12/2015 01:02

I know it's Christmas and there's a lot on, but if I were PG with a toddler I would not be happy about my DH going out four nights on the trot, coming in late/drunk and waking me up, and doing nothing to help with the Christmas preparations.

You sound like you've been unbelievably accommodating and I think he's taking the piss now.

IthoughtATMwasacashpoint · 24/12/2015 01:10

The pile of washing would be the final straw for me. There is no way on earth it would be done.

Pantone363 · 24/12/2015 01:34

Cashpoint, agree. OP The washing comment made me see red. Just a complete lack of any kind of respect for you or what you've done.

Just throw it on the floor and you'll skivvy around and pick it back up for him without even a whimper. After he's been out 3 times this week whilst you're pregnant, with a toddler, doing the xmas stuff and cancelling your own night out.

Fuck that for a game of roses. Seriously, life doesn't have to be like this.

AndNowItsSeven · 24/12/2015 01:36

Soldiers.

FastWindow · 24/12/2015 01:43

Ive rtft. I think op should probably not have put up with the crap after night 2 of drunk/late, never mind cancelling and then find wrapping and allowing more crap. But that's families, you do stuff. Vengeance will be ops.

But. Soldiers? What? seven :)

AndNowItsSeven · 24/12/2015 02:50

It's game of soldiers not roses

FastWindow · 24/12/2015 02:55

seven

Get your point though

I slightly like the Thrones now. A bit. Seen two eps.

angelicjen · 24/12/2015 03:07

He's being a complete tossed and owes you big time.

SushiAndTheBanshees · 24/12/2015 03:13

My DH did more or less the same, minus the washing and with me being a SAHM but extremely complicated/worrying pregnancy this time round.

But he absolutely, 100% pulls his weight at all other times of the year. I practically have to push him out the door to go relax a bit, and even then he didn't quite manage it properly in case something happened (I'm around 36wks).

I think you should talk to him about how you're feeling (and your feelings are entirely valid) but not make a big deal out of it, other than the washing bit which is totally out of order in all circumstances. Don't stew on it, get it out and tell him to sharpen up his act as it's not good enough.

Then demand a full day off one weekend in the new year to do whatever you want, without him or DS :)

LittleBeautyBelle · 24/12/2015 03:51

Why is your husband going out drinking so much, 3 times already in one week, and he's going out tomorrow night too, Christmas Eve?

Personally, I think you should take charge and put the kibosh on what I think is outrageous behavior. There's no good reason a spouse needs to be going out drinking and dragging in late, that is juvenile singleton behavior. And to do it a bunch of times in a row? Ridiculous. And you're home pregnant with a 3 year old and chores and Christmas to get ready. Absolutely bonkers.

Put the kibosh on that, now. He needs to come home after work and be with his family and like it. OP, just tell him what you expect. Be confident. They say marriage is 50-50. No, actually, the woman needs to have a tiny bit more power in the relationship and it works out perfectly. Claim your power, woman.

Shutthatdoor · 24/12/2015 03:56

Be confident. They say marriage is 50-50. No, actually, the woman needs to have a tiny bit more power in the relationship and it works out perfectly. Claim your power, woman.

Ridiculous thing to say. It is either 50:50 or it isn't!

Fratelli · 24/12/2015 07:38

I'd be putting the washing on his side of the bed! I'd do mine and dc'a but not his. He's being a knob and you're being a doormat!

GreyBird84 · 24/12/2015 08:08

His washing should be shoved under his pillow. Ass.

You should have gone out on tue night though, even an hr. Don't let your social occasions nosedive because his Don't.

i think one or two nights this week maximum would have been enough.

Is it same people or is he catching up with different friend groups? You know 'I'm home for Christmas, the only night I am free is...' And he's just going along with the suggestions?

Family come first IMO.

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