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Was I childish to make a fuss about this?

(91 Posts)
PrivatePike Tue 22-Dec-15 10:15:17

My boyfriend has informed me that I am immature <wails>

In short, I hope - We are in a longterm, long distance relationship. He's currently doing a PhD in England, I am working in Scotland - we don't get to see each other much, (he's just back from time abroad as well). I'm going to the wilds of Uist to spend time with him and his family over the holidays, planning to have a nice cosy drive back to my place after New Year - as cosy as the ferry trip allows anyway. Except he has now apparently agreed to give a bloke he knows a lift back to London. In my mind, it's now hours in the car with a random chap, feeling ignored. So I told bf I wasn't happy, that he should have asked me first, and I'd rather fly back home blush

Then he told me I was immature, and didn't have a claim on his time. Argh.

TheCrimsonPleb Tue 22-Dec-15 10:20:48

Just to be clear, was the original plan to go from Uist to your place in Scotland but he has now decided he is going back to London instead with this bloke in tow?

YouTheCat Tue 22-Dec-15 10:22:02

Why are you with this person?

I don't think it's immature to be pissed off that plans have been changed without any consultation.

TheCrimsonPleb Tue 22-Dec-15 10:23:42

Yes, unacceptable to make unilateral decisions like that. YANBU or immature.

PrivatePike Tue 22-Dec-15 10:24:12

Sorry no - the plan is still to drop me off at home, on the way back to London with this guy.

DavesPiglings Tue 22-Dec-15 10:27:18

So he's got a mate to chat with on the long journey from Scotland to London after he's dropped you off. Someone to help keep him awake and to share the petrol costs with? Sounds reasonable to me.

He should have checked with you, but you're be immature to throw your toys out of the pram about a change of plan.

SlaggyIsland Tue 22-Dec-15 10:27:33

YANBU, especially as you have limited time together, and it's a beautiful drive so would have been romantic!
My DH and I have a lot of "us-time" in the car, we have a lot of our best chats then.

lexigrey Tue 22-Dec-15 10:28:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrivatePike Tue 22-Dec-15 10:29:29

I did react in an immature way I think...I got quite whiny, just because I felt so disappointed and sidelined. And then he came out with this cracker about the claim on his time.

tomatodizzy Tue 22-Dec-15 10:29:56

I understand that it will be the last time you will see each other for a while but he is going the same way as the guy, he may have been put on the spot being asked for a ride. Is he driving all the way to London but taking you home first? From his point of view he might well need the company for the long trip from Scotland (once I assume you are getting out of the car). You are spending a long time together over Christmas, look forward to that and enjoy the company of the drive. Why would you be ignored? That said "claim on his time" I would be a bit WTF about that statement, you are not claiming his time, you just enjoy it and want to make the most of it. That's not childish! I guess you might feel hurt that he didn't want to spend the last hours alone in your company. Anyone would expect that too. Don't feel bad about your feelings, don't be bullied into thinking their childish but his point of view and company for the drive also factors into it!

tomatodizzy Tue 22-Dec-15 10:31:43


catfordbetty Tue 22-Dec-15 10:32:17

When quality time you are looking forward to = sitting with your boyfriend in a car, then you really aren't seeing enough of each other.

Whatdoidohelp Tue 22-Dec-15 10:33:55

It sounds like you don't see enough of each other. I think Yanbu but it seems your dp isn't that fussed about a 1-on-1 drive down the road. What's the future plans will you live together?

ceebie Tue 22-Dec-15 10:34:26

He should have cleared it with you first, but really it would seem very mean of him to refuse a friend a lift to London when he's going that way anyway and it's a long way after dropping you off.

Just demand the front seat. That's all you can claim in reality

GirlOverboard Tue 22-Dec-15 10:34:37

YABU. He's the one doing the incredibly long, tiring journey from the Outer Hebrides to the south of England. He probably wants some company after he's dropped you off.

PrivatePike Tue 22-Dec-15 10:34:55

Haha catford - Needs must at the moment, unfortunately. It's a bit of a weird setup though, I agree. Thanks tomato, that's a helpful post.

Speederman Tue 22-Dec-15 10:35:03

Oh I dunno, I love sitting in the car with DH, we have some lovely chats while the DSes doze or look out the windows.

I can understand why you're miffed OP. He could at least have asked if you minded, even if he'd already said yes

Perniciousness Tue 22-Dec-15 10:37:16

Sorry but I think you are BU. Telling him you were disappointed would have been fine but texting childishly is a bit cringe'y. Telling him that you would have rather flown is really cringe'y confused. If his 'claim on his time' comment came after your whining then I think it's more understandable.
I think it's nice that he offered someone a lift - it's company plus I guess he will get some petrol money.
Is this typical of you and him ?

Enjolrass Tue 22-Dec-15 10:38:21

I really don't see why he should have had to have cleared it with the OP.

Why not just fly home OP?

Or did you say that in the hope he would beg you not too?

PrivatePike Tue 22-Dec-15 10:40:50

I didn't text childishly. We spoke on the phone. I want to fly at this point, tbh

OnlyLovers Tue 22-Dec-15 10:41:54

I understand why you're disappointed, and I think a so-called adult saying you don't 'have a claim on his time' sounds a bit like an adolescent saying 'You're not the boss of me' grin.

But on the other hand, he has a companion now on a long drive. It'll make his journey pass quicker and maybe more safely; he might feel more inclined to stop for breaks etc if he has a passenger.

squiggleirl1 Tue 22-Dec-15 10:47:57

I have to agree with your boyfriend. You have decided stuff in your head about how things will be, none of it positive. You've announced he should check with you if he can give a friend of his a lift home, just as he is doing for you, and announced you'd rather fly back instead. What a way to flounce. So unnecessarily dramatic, and very childish.

Perniciousness Tue 22-Dec-15 10:48:50

Sorry, don't know why I wrote 'texting'. It should have said 'telling'

I think you would be really petulant to now insist on flying.

Is there a reason you think you will be ignored during the drive? Surely you will all be in the car chatting together. It won't be 'cozy' but that doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable.

PrivatePike Tue 22-Dec-15 10:52:36

I won't actually fly, mainly because it's hideously expensive!

lorelei9 Tue 22-Dec-15 10:52:45

I don't see why he can't give someone a lift either, he's going that way

I can't help noticing you mention that you will be "ignored" - why can't the three of you all chat together?

I would ask before putting an extra person in the car tbh, but that's just me, I wouldn't mind if I was told someone else was catching a lift.

btw I had to look up Uist - it looks sooooooooooo beautiful. (sorry to go off on a tangent, must add to "visit" list).

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