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Or is my brother a bit of an arse?

(21 Posts)
Crazybaglady Sun 20-Dec-15 22:54:20

I'm one of two. Brother a few years older and still lives at our parents house. He earns over £45k per year, he is very unextravenant so no other living expenses, is not getting their hints about moving out, only pays parents £150 per month rent, makes them feel uncomfortable at home a d they want him out.

Brother is completely obsessed with money, or more other people's money. Constantly winging to me about how unfair it is that mum and dad do not give him a deposit for a house because apparently 'its easy, all they have to do is sell the rental' (ie- their pension) . He is also oissed off that our grandad (Property rich/cash poor and very much alive) also hasnt given him a deposit for a house

Mum and dad made an offer to him to live in the rental for a massively reduced rate. He said 'i will only do it if i get more inheritance'. Mum and dad told him to forget they even offered.

AIBU to think that's out of order?

honeyroar Sun 20-Dec-15 23:00:19

Yes he is. They need to be firm and give him an ultimatum for the new year.

Creatureofthenight Sun 20-Dec-15 23:02:06

Who would disagree?
Your parents need to stop being doormats.

somesortofmagic Sun 20-Dec-15 23:10:48

Why is he so determined to have help, am guessing he must be able save 30k a year, enough for a deposit even in London?

honeysucklejasmine Sun 20-Dec-15 23:12:03

How old is he?

MontyYouTerribleCunt Sun 20-Dec-15 23:17:51

Yanbu! Definitely a bit of an arse.

Crazybaglady Sun 20-Dec-15 23:22:55

He is 29.

I have told parents that i would be giving him an ultimatum if he were my son but they don't feel that they can do that.

I'm not sure why he feels he must be given a deposit to be honest. As somesort said, he could very easily save £30k a year.

BackInTheRealWorld Sun 20-Dec-15 23:25:39

So what does he spend all this money on, or is he saving up for a deposit himself?

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 20-Dec-15 23:28:24

Is he on coke, that's makes you skint and winge lots

TheSpectreOfMorningtonCrescent Sun 20-Dec-15 23:36:44

Arf at Sockmonkey.
If I were DM and df I'd be giving him a red spotted hanky for crimbo in which to tie up his possessions when he fucks his cheeky self off. Or a rent increase commensurate with the local levels for a freeloading lodger.

Crazybaglady Sun 20-Dec-15 23:42:23

I am not sure about coke but i know he spent halloween on MDMA. I think he is too stingy for an exoensive drug habit to be honest. Just an occasional one if he isnt nicking it off others

They just will not do it. Its very frustrating listening to their grievences when theres a solution staring them in the face.

molyholy Sun 20-Dec-15 23:43:08

Yanbu. He is a cheeky bastard. Why does he feel that he is owed this deposit? Has he been indulged all his life?

munkisocks Sun 20-Dec-15 23:47:24

Tell your parents to give him an ultimatum. Their complaining about him won't get him out and they're making it harder the longer he stays there. He's rude to even suggest anything to do with inheritance. Get your parents to tell him all their money is being left to the cat home!

Can they help him look for a property?

GiddyOnZackHunt Sun 20-Dec-15 23:54:01

They need to put his rent up or change the locks. Bloody freeloader

MidniteScribbler Sun 20-Dec-15 23:54:36

is my brother a bit of an arse?

No, he's a massive arse.

PerspicaciaTick Sun 20-Dec-15 23:56:05

If they can't face giving him an ultimatum because they feel it is too confrontational, may be they could let him know (loudly, frequently and in no uncertain terms) how much they appreciate him staying at home, that the reduced rent he pays will be in lieu of care as they age etc. etc. Maybe he'll find the gumption to sort himself out.

Jux Sun 20-Dec-15 23:57:47

They need to increase his rent, preferably to a point where he'll find it cheaper to pay rent elsewhere. Even if he stays, at least they'll have a lot more money and can go on holiday more to get away from him.

Jux Mon 21-Dec-15 00:02:47

Oh, and increase house rules, keep him busy. Presumably he does his own washing and ironing, etc? No friends over after 11, or whatever time your parents go to bed. I'm sure you can think of loads.

Does he want to stay in the house so that he can claim it when the die? (Sorry to bring that up.)

Are your parents likely to sell up soon?

ThumbWitchesAbroad Mon 21-Dec-15 00:22:28

Ha, he'd be out on his ear with that level of income and expectation if he were mine!

There is no earthly reason why they should fund him moving out - nor any reason why they should allow him to remain.

If I were them, and wussing out of kicking him out, I'd start by treating him as a proper paying lodger - market rates, share of the bills, and don't do any of his laundry or cooking. See how that pans out for him. He's entirely too comfortable where he is.

honeysucklejasmine Mon 21-Dec-15 00:43:57

You'd think a young bloke on that sort of salary would be desperate to move out.

Does he have any ambitions e.g. to travel or achieve something?

MyFavouriteClintonisGeorge Mon 21-Dec-15 00:56:30

A bloke I know even managed to buy his own house and still not move out of his parents' place. He earned a massive amount but was selfish and dysfunctional. In the end his father basically threw him out. He actually complained about this and could not see why everyone gaped at him in amazement. He did grow up a bit though.

Stop listening to your parents. Tell them they know the only possible solution is to make brother leave, and they would be doing him a massive favour (even if he doesn't realise it for a while). Until they do that, you aren't listening to the whinging.

I say this because being able to rant to you is catharsis for your parents and that stops your folks getting fed up enough to do what they need to do.

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