Christmas party-What would you do?(7 Posts)
Long time lurker and wondering if I'm being precious.
Have been invited to an ex works Christmas party along with other ex colleagues. We meet up fairly regularly and they are a good bunch. One has been trying for a baby for a long while and is on an IVF journey. I'm pregnant and the last catch up it was mentioned (I had been dreading her finding out) and her poor face fell and it was such an excruciating experience - I felt terrible as I knew how much she wanted a family.
She was lovely about it, and is genuinely the nicest person you'll ever meet. But the pain was clear to see.
I'm now VERY pregnant and already dreading going as I feel so bad. I deliberately have never posted anything on social media (I'm fairly sure most people don't even know still) out of a) privacy to us and b) I know how awful it is to keep seeing things coming up and c) your pregnancy is boring to everyone else and it makes you look like a self centred idiot. Oh and it's hideously boring. Did I mention that?
I'm thinking of not going. Am I being unduly harsh to myself to stay away or is it this the best thing to do. I've been mulling it over for weeks.
Just go. She will be seeing pregnant women elsewhere. It is lovely of you to think of her feelings, but in reality she knows you (and many others) are pregnant.
I've been in a similar position to your friend and probably didn't always successfully hide that moment of pain when someone announced their pregnancy. It didn't mean that I wasn't really pleased for them, nor did I want to avoid people either with a bump or a baby (it's not like you can avoid it anyway, just walking down the street can make you feel like the whole world is either pregnant or has a newborn!)
Its lovely that you're worried about her, but avoiding her would be likely to hurt her more. Just go, she'll probably be really pleased to see you.
Avoiding her could just make her feel more isolated. When I was trying to conceive, it was the first few minutes of being told about a pregnancy which were the hardest, then I was pleased for the person. A brief minute of "why her not me" and then swifly getting my head around it and being very pleased for my friend.
When I told a very good friend I was pregnant and I was sorry because I knew she was trying, she paused and then pointed out she had been in this situation for 4 years and I was far from being the first.
I think avoiding her is the wrong thing to do. No need to rub all your pregnancy gripes in her face but maybe wish her luck for the new year?
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but it isn't your problem. She's going to come across many, many pregnant women and won't be able to avoid them all. She knows you're pregnant so it's up to her whether she'd find it too upsetting to attend but if I were you, I would go along regardless
Thank you for setting me straight. I'll go and have a lovely non-alcoholic evening. I wouldn't have been so concerned but she really is the last person on earth you would ever want to make feel sad. She doesn't have a bad thing to say about anyone and is genuinely the nicest person I've ever met.
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