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AIBU?

To let this school mum dig her own grave....

36 replies

Neveradullm0ment · 09/12/2015 09:37

Don't want to say too much because I think this woman has either mental or emotional issues. Needless to say I wasn't really friends with her (our DS are in the same year but not the same class), then she started messaging me on Facebook, we became FB friends and then she sort of 'turned on me' accused me of not being friendly on the school run. I challenged her - all via FB and I tried to be friends with her as I felt sorry for her - she got very nasty saying none of the mums liked me; to be fair I don't do the school run because I have to commute into the City so am always in a rush. She upset me so ended up unfriending her - I also felt she was stalking me - then today I notice she has blocked me from her posts. Not that I wanted to see them but that we have a Facebook page for the school mums and dads - which she admins. So I can't comment on anything she puts up - although I can see it. She's quite active at school and with a number of local charities. I nearly sent her a message, but I think she is trying to cause a confrontation which I really don't want. I work 50 hours a week - she's a SAHM who appears to have a lot of time on her hands - I say this because she has bullied other people. I reckon as we go through the school her behaviour may get worse towards me, as this all happened a few months ago and the blocking only yesterday (i think) should I be worried. Anyone else gone through this?

OP posts:

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tanukiton · 09/12/2015 09:41

do you need to comment on the page or is looking just enough?

SummerNights1986 · 09/12/2015 09:42

she has blocked me from her posts. Not that I wanted to see them but that we have a Facebook page for the school mums and dads - which she admins. So I can't comment on anything she puts up - although I can see it. She's quite active at school and with a number of local charities

THIS is not on. If she's the admin of the schools FB page (and therefore i'm assuming posts 'official' school info/updates/news etc) then she has absolutely no right to block you from commenting on these posts. If she is unable to separate her personal feelings from her work with the school, she is not the right choice to be the admin for the page.

I would speak to the school about it. Leave all the other stuff out - just a general 'we don't get on on a personal level'. But the school FB page stuff needs fixing and I would be pretty cross tbh.

srslylikeomg · 09/12/2015 09:43

Why do you need to comment on her posts? Distance from her sounds a good thing, ignore and be friendly if she directly engages with you. Also: try not to be sneery about SAHMs it's not a competition- she sounds like she'd be hard work even if she worked "50 hours a week"

OneMoreCasualty · 09/12/2015 09:46

If you want to comment re her posts then just start a separate thread in the group. She may not even know this is a side effect of her blocking you from personal posts.

The school is unlikely to have anything to do with the FB group; don't parents tend to set these up ad hoc?0

srslylikeomg · 09/12/2015 09:46

I'd be willing to bet it's not an "official" school f book page therefore she can do what the hell she likes. Our school actively DIScourages Facebook parents' pages for this very reason!

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 09/12/2015 09:49

If it's an 'official' school FB page, then take it up with the school.

If not, then post on the page "hi X, I don't appear to be able to comment on anything you've posted...".

BarbarianMum · 09/12/2015 09:49

Do yourseldf a favour and disengage. You don't like her, you defriended her - of course you don't need to be commenting on her posts. Just step away from her back to real life.

Neveradullm0ment · 09/12/2015 09:50

It's not an official page srslylikeomg to be fair I can ignore her, there are other admins, in fact someone asked me if I wanted to admin it too. I think I was a bit shocked to look at something and be blocked though, as I'm quite a reasonable, friendly person - my job involves mediation and I'm normally quite good at picking my arguments, this doesn't seem worth it.

OP posts:

Diggum · 09/12/2015 09:52

My advice would be to totally disengage.

If she was being stalkery than she is looking for a reaction. ANY reaction. You contacting her=reaction, you contacting the school regarding her=reaction, you trying to approach her and discuss things in a reasonable manner=reaction.

The only way this will end is if you end it right now. Walk away, forget about being able to comment on the page, forget about her altogether and let her find another target for her behaviour. If you are forced to have interactions relating to the school, behave is if she were another semi-anonymous mum that you don't really know.

Any kind of reaction to this sort of behaviour is fuel to the fire. Rise above.

M48294Y · 09/12/2015 09:57

She private messaged you on FB to say none of the school mums like you?

juneau · 09/12/2015 10:04

She sounds bonkers! I think I'd completely disengage if it was me and given that you work FT and don't need to see her at the school gate that should be fairly easy and painless. I'm guessing she's one of those who thrives on drama and has had fallings out with other people too. Poor you that you've ended up being caught up in her nonsense.

eddielizzard · 09/12/2015 10:13

completely ignore it. and definitely accept the admin offer. don't give her any power over you!

Neveradullm0ment · 09/12/2015 10:16

M she did - when I said I wouldn't be contributing towards the present collection she was doing. A very long story. Instead of saying 'that's okay like an adult' she then said 'oh well it's best you do your own thing because none of the mums like you anyway' -f it was a throw away comment and totally uncalled for. We live on the Kent/Surrey borders and quite a few mums are full time mums here - I only elaborated because in another online message from her I was told I was always 'rushing off'.

OP posts:

celtictoast · 09/12/2015 10:19

Ask one of the other admins to un-block you?

PalaceGirl · 09/12/2015 10:25

I agree with OneMoreCasualty. Start another thread if you feel the need to comment on pictures. Try not to let her behaviour get to you. She could be jealous!

srslylikeomg · 09/12/2015 10:27

Bloody heck poor you. She sounds absolutely horrible. Don't give her any more headspace. She will totally dig her own grave - people who behave like that always do. The "rushing off" thing is a total PA attack that I have had too so I see why you elaborated. Your only option is to ignore her and she will inevitably expose herself as a nasty piece of work. If it's any consolation she sounds deeply unhappy :(

StrictlyMumDancing · 09/12/2015 10:28

If you suspect she's doing a bit of stalking, online or otherwise, then I would suggest you block her. If she's blocked you she can unblock at any time, have a nosey at whatever is public on your profile then reblock you 2 days later, which you may never notice she is doing. Facebook will let you block people who have blocked you in order to prevent this.

I learned this the hard way when I discovered an xf who had blocked me was occasionally accessing my profile, downloading stuff I'd shared publicly (I rarely do) - claiming to other people I was slagging her off (I wasn't)/making nasty comments about my family, home, etc/adding my pictures to other sites.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 09/12/2015 10:32

Ignore and move on.

Birdsgottafly · 09/12/2015 10:42

If your used to mediating then imagine the scenario as your two clients, were one is unreasonable and delusional, what advice would you give to the other one?

ouryve · 09/12/2015 10:48

It all sounds far too complicated. I don't think I'd have the energy to care. There's advantages to being an antisocial cow, like me.

Atomik · 09/12/2015 11:06

From the sounds of things a zero reaction from you will really piss her off. It all seems rather designed to provoke you into response, culminating in high drama in a public context.

So do nothing

And the next time she pokes you with a metaphorical all stick.

And the time after that.

Nada. Zip. Bugger all reaction.

Becuase she'll get bored and move on to another target. And soon enough people will notice a pattern where the common denominator is her, rather than the people she takes umbrage with.

Neveradullm0ment · 09/12/2015 11:13

Thank you I think blocking her would be confrontational though and look like I care.... I'm hoping she will leave alone, but to go to such lengths would suggest she might be a bit weird. I'm going to do nothing and hope she leaves me alone. I have a limited profile anyway so there's not loads she can see and I don't much on FB because of my job.

OP posts:

OneMoreCasualty · 09/12/2015 11:22

Op is not blocked from the group, she's blocked in general from comments on this person's posts across Facebook. Other admins can do nothing.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/12/2015 11:23

She said "None of the mums like you". How old is she 12. It's astounding how many mothers out there judging by the threads on herd, still haven't left the playground. I'm sure some of them think they're still playing " house"
Face book is curse.

CoraPirbright · 09/12/2015 11:24

Yes I agree with other posters - ignore as far as poss. What a horrible woman!! One thought I did have though is that I would screen shot/print out her horrible comments and tuck them away somewhere, just in case she tries to escalate her nastiness. Some proof of her bitchiness might be useful to have....

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