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To just let ds fall asleep in his own time?

(27 Posts)
Pyjamaramadrama Sat 05-Dec-15 20:58:26

Ds is 7. He was a great sleeper as a baby and toddler but probably since he started school he's had trouble falling asleep at night.

I do try to get him to wind down in the evening but sometimes it's not possible because he has clubs until 6.40-7.00pm.

What I do now is get him to have a bath/shower and brush his teeth and aim to have him in bed by 7.30pm. Then I let him read or colour until 8.00pm then lights out. Sometimes it ends up being a bit later.

Sometimes he goes to sleep but sometimes we hear him banging around still as late as 9.30pm. Dh gets annoyed but if he can't sleep he can't sleep. I struggled to get to sleep as a child but I grew out of it. It's horrible tossing and turning in the dark.

Sometimes if I just leave him to read or colour past lights out he falls asleep. Later than I'd like but at least he just nods off and usually earlier than when I actually go up and turns the lights off iyswim?

He does need more sleep as he gets overtired so I don't think it's a case of putting him to bed too early.

Tamponlady Sat 05-Dec-15 21:03:33

Sorry don't agree I think not going to bed and asking for a drink,getting up walking round not going to bed be some habitual just like going to bed at a certain time and staying in bed dose

I think he needs to go up to bed at a time let him read or have a cd story but not playing and not walking around and no lights on bar reading and no tv

Pyjamaramadrama Sat 05-Dec-15 21:06:09

He hasn't got a tv in his room, he's not getting up asking for a drink or getting up at walking around?

overwhelmed34 Sat 05-Dec-15 21:08:46

I have the same issue with my ds (8). He struggles to wind down but I don't know what to do. You can't physically force someone to sleep..

MrsBartlettforthewin Sat 05-Dec-15 21:08:58

yanbu - my DD is the same. We have a similar routine to you and after lights out sometimes hear her up and about. We also let her listen to a story CD as this means she is less likely to get up and find other stuff to do whilst she is awake, she's lying down and winding down with the story iyswim. She is normally asleep by 9 which is late for a 6 year old but even if we put her to bed earlier she just doesn't settle.

lucymootoo Sat 05-Dec-15 21:10:17

I would have presumed from your OP that because you can hear him "banging around" that he was up and about in his room.

I think you can't really force someone to sleep if they aren't tired and that letting him go to bed to read is the best idea.

overwhelmed34 Sat 05-Dec-15 21:11:23

To be honest I think if he's happy to stay in his room (and doesn't bug you every 5mins about how he can't sleeeeep which is what mine does) then it's fine!

MoreSnowPlease Sat 05-Dec-15 21:12:35

My 3 year old does this (except he plays Lego as that calms him) However I have been thinking about changing it so that bedroom time is something for sleep, so that he would do all his winding down downstairs. And when I could see that he is tied enough I would take him to bed, lights out, kiss, sleep.

I think this might work except for the 18 month old would just wind him up downstairs so there's no way of doing calm down on his own....

Pyjamaramadrama Sat 05-Dec-15 21:14:37

Ah no sorry I mean he's tossing and turning sometimes tapping his headboard or the wall or something or going to the toilet. But this might be 45 minutes after lying there quietly after lights out.

DisappointedOne Sat 05-Dec-15 21:14:59

DD is 5 and has always had problems getting to sleep. We had to rock her really violently as a tiny baby!

Baths and showers wake her up, milky drinks mean she needs to pee in the night. We've just discovered tickling (DH can remember not being able to sleep as a child and his mum tickling him). We've been doing that for about a week, and with The Rabbit story she's asleep within about 10 mins! The tickle/laughter releases the tension. Seems to do the trick!

DitheringDiva Sat 05-Dec-15 21:42:33

Try moving his bedtime to later eg. 8.30, you can always move it forward again if it seems to make him tired. I've found this happens every so often with my DD, e.g. when she first started school she went to bed at 7pm, but then about 6 months later, just couldn't seem to drop off to sleep until about 9pm, so I let her stay up later, until 7.30pm, and it solved the problem. My older DD has never needed much sleep, and was going to bed at 9pm by the time she was 8.

badg3r Sat 05-Dec-15 21:49:44

Different side of the fence.. I was like your DC. I used to read SO many books, I just couldn't get to sleep, sometimes till 11pm. I used to really wish a was just able to put my head down, close my eyes and drift off. In the end i just grew out of it and my mum and dad never made a big deal of it as long as i was reading quietly, for which i was very grateful.

WiIdfire Sat 05-Dec-15 21:50:44

How about getting some audiobooks and putting them on quietly? That way he doesnt get bored but it wont stop him falling asleep. I've never fallen asleep reading a physical book, but an audiobook - plenty of times.

Pyjamaramadrama Sat 05-Dec-15 22:31:04

Yes I was the same badger I just couldn't sleep that's why I feel sorry for ds rather than getting annoyed.

I have thought of audio books stupid thing though is I've nothing to play one on, what do they come on these day a cd? I'd have to invest in a little CD player.

Thanks for suggestion of later bedtime unfortunately even when going to bed later which it often ends up it just results in him falling asleep even later.

DisappointedOne Sat 05-Dec-15 22:49:18

Audible app on a phone or tablet?

TimeToMuskUp Sat 05-Dec-15 22:56:50

I think so long as they're in bed resting it's fine to read a little later than their peers might if it helps them drop off.

DS1 is 10 but from 6/7 years has struggled to go to sleep as soon as his head hits the pillow (DS2 is like me and can fall asleep within seconds, sometimes it's really just your nature rather than anything you're doing/not doing). So he's allowed to listen to audiobooks in bed (cheap little cd player in his room works well, it needn't be a costly one) or read in bed. Anything involving peaceful rest. He also has a meditation cd which has helped him enormously, only a children's one from Amazon but he's enjoyed learning to regulate his breathing and teaching himself to rest. I swear by all of these methods if you're happy with him simply resting but being awake.

Geraniumred Sun 06-Dec-15 00:17:23

It fine. My dd used to have dreadful trouble going to sleep at the proper time and 10:30 to actually be asleep would be normal. We did relaxation CDs too, so at least she was resting. She now - at age 11 gets to sleep earlier and with fewer problems. You can't force them to sleep and resting is good too.

Pyjamaramadrama Sun 06-Dec-15 00:20:46

Thanks I think I will try audio book and just the little lamp on rather than main light. See how he gets on with that.

I expect that he will grow out of it eventually.

Becles Sun 06-Dec-15 00:26:36

If he's overtired the impact o his concentration etc will be felt most at school. If you've noticed it to the point of admitting he needs more sleep it must be quite bad.

If he has clubs until 6.40-7.0 , how often in the week and can he do less? What type of books is he reading? Is he like a lot of people with a stimulatung or exciting story-a one more page and oops it's 4am reader?

Of you need a cd player, try free cycle.

Pyjamaramadrama Sun 06-Dec-15 00:38:53

I know becles that's what I'm worried about.

I've noticed that by the end of the week he often gets really grumpy and tired.

He has clubs twice a week the other nights I try to get him to wind down leading up to bedtime.

He doesn't really read story books as such he prefers looking through factual books, he likes drawing and things like sticker books so this is what I let him to quietly in bed.

It does help but there are still nights when I realise he's still awake, if I just leave him to it colouring or whatever he falls asleep eventually anyway.

Seeyounearertime Sun 06-Dec-15 00:47:34

I'm a huge believer in routine. But I have only 2.6years of this parenting lark. grin

If I were you OP, I'd set a whole new routine.
Skip baths and showers at Bedtime. Set his new time at 8.00pm and getting up for something that suits, say 7.00am? Dependant on your schedule.

Then at 6.30pm he sits and watches TV with you for 1 hour, 7.30, clean teeth, wee, pyjamas and up to bed. He lies and listens to audio book or you read. Lights out at 8.00 or just after.

Day in and day out, weekends too, after school clubs or not.
That's what I'd do personally, how well it'll work is anyone's guess. its literally just based on my childhood, my experience, my gfs 3 kids experience and my mums 3 kids experience. But every child is different.

reni2 Sun 06-Dec-15 00:59:48

What time does he have to get up? 9pm is normal bedtime for our 7yo and it seems to be quite normal among her friends, too. Most live very close to school though and 8am is not an unusual time to get up.

Glitterandglue Sun 06-Dec-15 01:12:01

Some people just have late sleep cycles and it is damned near impossible to do anything about it. I have a ridiculously delayed cycle which I inherited from my dad - I live with my parents and 3am is the usual time they go to bed.

As a child I spent many, many nights awake far past when I 'should have' been asleep. I had audiobooks to help me get to sleep (stories) but by the time of about junior school they just gave up putting me to bed before eleven if I wasn't actually ready to sleep as I would just be awake in my room.

As a teenager I did split sleeping, a few hours after school then getting up, then a few hours again around 2-3am.

I'm in my late twenties and it's only this year that I have managed to fairly regularly get to sleep at a normal time (i.e. before midnight) - just by chance. But it always gets thrown into my lifetime pattern as soon as I have any amount of time off, so sleeping around 3 or 4 am and getting up around 12 or 1pm.

If this is how your son is inclined then unfortunately he may just be fated to a lifetime of tiredness, unless he manages to get a job where the hours suit him. Best time of my life was working late shifts!

AnthonyPandy Sun 06-Dec-15 01:43:53

I know this is about adults but it's quite interesting.

Enjolrass Sun 06-Dec-15 08:30:52

Some people do just take a longtime to fall a sleep.

Ds is the same. But I don't allow colouring or playing. It's only serves to wake him up.

Ds loves routine. So we stick to it. Bath at 6.30, wind down and supper til 7.30 then bed. He has started falling asleep quicker, usually in under twenty minutes.

I purposely picked a hobby that happens 4-5 as well, so he has time to calm down when he gets home.

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