Leaving do

[Mummypigagain]

I am leaving my job in December. I have worked there for 8 years. After my second maternity leave, I was made to feel very unwelcome and no-one really talks to me anymore.
Morale is low and since 2014 more than half of the staff have changed. It just isn't the same. This is why I am leaving.
The Christmas night out has been arranged. I got an email to say that this will be my leaving do as well and I am due to pay £25.
AIBU to think that arranging my leaving do without even checking that I can go is a bit odd? Also to arrange it in a restaurant that I won't be able to eat much in due to IBD is also strange. I don't think they really want me to go and are just making things awkward so I don't go.
I suppose I am just sad that after 8 years they think so little of me.

[catfordbetty]

I would pretend to be delighted, pay my £25 and then not turn up on the night.

[lardyscouse]

Send a lovely e-mail back.

Dear all, That is so kind of you to arrange a leaving do for me and, as it is on the same night as the Christmas party it does make sense as everyone who is going to that will be able to make it.

Unfortunately, this is on a date where I have a previous engagement which is disappointing as I would have loved it. I do hope it is an enjoyable evening though and would like to say thank you for thinking of me.

Then buy your own pressie with the £25 quid.

[Groovee]

I'd reply saying that the date isn't suitable for you and give it a miss!

[Pipestheghost]

Don't go.

[SurlyCue]

What lardy said.

Its not your leaving do. Its the xmas do, they just know it would be completely awful not to acknowledge your leaving at all so this is their "nod" to it. Its insulting.

[JustWantToBeDorisAgain]

Not convinced it has been done maliciously, I think lots of people struggle with other demands around Christmas , other friends meeting up, budget constraints etc it makes more sense to call it your leaving do as well. At least that would be better than an evening only attended by a couple of people ( you already said you're not very close to many of the staff)

I would go to the Christmas do fix a smile and think thank fuck that's done with!

( with the restaurant thing I me if those organising it don't deal with dietary issues on a daily basis it wouldn't even be on their radar)

[Mummypigagain]

Thank you for the replies. Rightly or wrongly I am insulted. They can manage to do things for others but my face just doesn't fit because I have had kids.
I am going to write a reply much along the lines suggested above and then think no more about them.
I will indeed have a huge sigh of relief when I leave. There isn't long now. I just have to remain professional and not say what I am really thinking.

[Leelu6]

YANBU. I would feel insulted too. Do let us know what their response is.

[Mummypigagain]

I sent an email back saying,
"Thank you for organising this. Unfortunately, I have a prior engagement so I won't be able to attend. It would have been nice to mark the end of my eight years but cannot be done.
I am sure you will have a lovely time.
Kind regards
Mummypigagain
There was so much more I had to stop myself from saying but do need references. I also have not been drawn into any of the bitchiness thus far and don't intend to now.
Now I can graciously wave them "fuckity bye" as I skip out the door for the last time.
No response yet. I possibly won't even get my email acknowledged.

[MrsItsNoworNotatAll]

That's a very polite email all things considered.

Fuck them!

Good luck in your new job x