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To tell him he's a selfish sod?

(27 Posts)
Cake0rdeath Mon 02-Nov-15 20:06:54

Ridiculous really, but I'm unwell with Nasty flu, grumpy and have shocking pmt.

DH had the flu early last week. Went to bed for two days and did fuck all. I worked (plus lots of hours in at home) , saw to DS (20mpnths) nursery pick ups/drop offs, all meals, bath and bedtimes, went to uni and hosted his mum during one of her "the world is against me" meltdowns. All fine; he wasn't well and I was ok.

Fast forward to this weekend. I get sick and, lo and behold, I can't just hibernate. I still get up and do everything for DS while DH chips in an occasional "you don't look great". No offer of help, no "it's ok, you go to bed and I'll takeDS out to give you quiet'. In effect, sod all. He did the bare minimum, all while feigning support.

Been off sick today and worked from home. DH picked up DS from nursery but that's it. Sat his arse down on the sofa while I made dinner, fed, bath and bed.

Now...I've gone to have a bath with the really expensive bubble bath I got from BIL last Xmas. The super expensive stuff i've been saving for such an occasion. It's not where I left it.

DH had taken it to use at the gym. Yep. My single Xmas present I received from his entire family last year has been used to mask the Stench of his sweat. It's apparently not a big deal.

I'm so angry. I know it hardly matters in the grand scheme of things, and I hate to sound like a toddler, but it was MINE. I get next to Nothing from his family while he is spoiled rotten by mine, and he can't understand why I'm upset.

Rant over. I'm sick, tired and emotional. I will see how ridiculous a complaint this is in the morning.

sparklepopsicles Mon 02-Nov-15 20:30:18

You are not being ridiculous or unreasonable. Your other half sounds like a selfish prick. Tell him to pull his bloody weight and to replace your bubble bath. Is he usually nicer to you?

VimFuego101 Mon 02-Nov-15 20:34:29

YANBU. That's really shit.

ghostyslovesheep Mon 02-Nov-15 20:35:23

go to bed - let him work it out - he's not doing it because you ARE - stop

oh and YABU to work from home if you called in sick

ScrambledSmegs Mon 02-Nov-15 20:36:36

Go to bed, do fuck all. And tell him that either he replaces your bubble bath with an identical brand new bottle, or you replace him.

You have my permission.

Smegs aka Queen of the Fucking World

Oldraver Mon 02-Nov-15 20:39:07

FGS stop being a martry...tell him your going to bed and stop making dinner

MummaV Mon 02-Nov-15 20:43:01

Stop doing things, shut yourself in your room and sleep (or pretend to). He'll soon start doing it, or he won't and he'll have an angry toddler to contend with. Any requests from said child are to be met with 'go ask Daddy'. He'll get the message.

Oh and tell him you want the bubble bath replaced. Yanbu.

ShamelessBreadAddict Mon 02-Nov-15 20:43:12

Agree with ghost OP. Go to bed! Don't wait for him to tell you to. He will take over as you won't be there.

clam Mon 02-Nov-15 20:44:16

Bloody hell, murder would have been committed in my house for less than that. The bubble bath would be the absolute last straw.

First, he replaces that. Tomorrow. It IS a big deal and he needs to sort it and NEVER do anything as selfishly thoughtless again.

Re: the chores while you're ill, just stop. Don't do it. Say, "I'm feeling shit and I'm going to bed. Over to you." And mean it.

Lweji Mon 02-Nov-15 20:45:16


It's an order.

YANBU to be upset at the bath thing either.

Gladysandtheflathamsandwich Mon 02-Nov-15 20:45:48

I will see how ridiculous a complaint this is in the morning.

Which is probably why he has been getting away with being such a selfish useless waste of space. You are letting him get away with it. He isnt doing anything because he knows that you will.

He wont offer, so dont wait for him to.

Tell him that you are ill, you are not cooking, you are not shopping or doing any housework and that the bath stuff needs to be replaced by the end of tomorrow.

You shouldnt have to spell it out, but huffing and puffing when you wont ask on principle that you shouldnt have to does give off the whiff of burning martyr.

shutupanddance Mon 02-Nov-15 20:47:21

Did you tell him you were going to bed and he needed to hold the fort?

Shutthatdoor Mon 02-Nov-15 20:48:45

NEVER do anything as selfishly thoughtless again.

I doubt he did it on purpose hmm

I do agree it needs replacing though.

tibbawyrots Mon 02-Nov-15 20:52:13

YANBU. He's taken something that didn't belong to him, something that you've been saving for some ME time and doesn't see it as important?

Fuming for you. Please take the time to get better, you're as entitled to shut the world out for as long as it takes as he is. Don't pick up the slack otherwise you'll always be doing that. flowers

icouldjusteatacroissant Mon 02-Nov-15 20:56:28

That's what we do isn't it. Same here. He goes to bed and whimpers, then gives his lurgy to me and I carry on as normal apart from running on half speed. His reaction? It's a known fact that women have a better immune system and we can carry on when ill or in pain because we have periods. That's how they get away with it.

As regards the expensive bath stuff. A step too far especially when you're poorly. Grounds for divorce.

Cake0rdeath Mon 02-Nov-15 20:56:30

Thanks. I feel a little better knowing it's not all in my head.

He's a good one, really. He's just not good at multi-tasking and can be a little selfish. I don't think he wanted to smell of pink grapefruit , he'll have just picked up what was close.

I'm doing fuck all tomorrow. He'll learn..,

clam Mon 02-Nov-15 21:51:19

Shutthatdoor "I doubt he did it on purpose"

That's kind of what makes it thoughtless and selfish though, isn't it?

cranberryx Tue 03-Nov-15 20:42:49

First off, he needs to replace the bath bubbles. He took something that wasn't his and used it, he needs to replace it from his own money.

Not much advice on the selfish man though, he seems really inconsiderate and selfish. Sorry your feeling so shite. I would go on strike and refuse to get up, make him realise how sick you feel and leave him to get on with it!

GoblinLittleOwl Tue 03-Nov-15 21:02:16

Stay in bed tomorrow and SUFFER and DO NOTHING; give him a list of jobs, because your throat is too sore to speak, and no matter what he does or doesn't do, DO NOT HELP. Do not become a willing martyr.

He clearly has no imagination so unfortunately you will have to point the way; don't shrug it off, because his behaviour at the moment, although not deliberately unkind, is thoughtless and inconsiderate. Hopefully it can be put down to ignorance but he obviously needs guidance.

whois Tue 03-Nov-15 21:09:03

But why are you getting up and doing things? Just say "I'm really sick, I'm going to bed and staying in bed. Duties are officially being handed over to you, please try not to disturb me as I need to sleep"

Is he really so incapable that he couldn't have got dinner whist you were in bed?

Iflyaway Tue 03-Nov-15 21:16:37

He's a good one, really

No he's not. He's a selfish ass that lets you run around doing it all and then to top it all, steals your last gift in the house without asking.

Go on strike. I would permanently....

The only way he will get the message. Or do you prefer playing the martyr?

Almostfifty Tue 03-Nov-15 21:22:13

Why are you making dinner and clearing up if you're that poorly?

Just go to bed and tell him he's in charge. Don't be a martyr.

As to the bath stuff, he will get you a nice super expensive one instead...

Epilepsyhelp Tue 03-Nov-15 21:23:57

He sounds fundamentally lazy. Knows he should be helping but can't be bothered. Knows the bubble bath is yours but can't be bothered to look round for a different one. Knows you're upset but can't be bothered to make it better.

Please stop letting him walk all over you. Stop doing everything for him, stop enabling him to be a parasite on your hard work and make him actually stand up and be your partner and a decent dad.

CocktailQueen Tue 03-Nov-15 21:26:33

The bubble bath sounds the least of your worries.

Why should you have to fight through feeling shit and carry on doing everything while your lazy dh sits on the couch?

And you do 't say anything, you just carry on! Why on earth??

Your dh is a lazy twat with double standards.

CleanaholicSpendaholic Tue 03-Nov-15 21:44:07

Why's he taken bubble bath to the gym? Never heard of a gym with baths before, only showers! * Misses point of thread*

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