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Best friend replies to my texts but never picks up my calls anymore :(

(22 Posts)
CharlotteGrey Wed 28-Oct-15 19:54:16

My best friend lives relatively nearby (just over an hour away) and we see each other every few weeks right now. Friends since school days so 13 years plus.

I text often with news and silly updates (once every couple of days?) and she does tend to reply to these but is not as frequent as me. To be fair to her she is not a slave to her phone and works FT (unlike me) although is single and no DC, so we lead similar quite carefree lifestyles.

Ironically other friends have accused me of sometimes being hard to get hold of/bad with my phone so I guess I am getting a taste of my own medicine! But the last five nights I have tried to call her a few times over the evening for a chat and nothing! She called back once but I missed it. Called back straightaway and nothing confused

I don't get it. This is not a new thing btw, at all, and she is really hard to get hold of sometimes... I would ask her but it seems petty and I've already established that it's not her style. Is it so wrong to want to chat with her on the phone once every couple of weeks though? I know she misses me too so it's not a one-sided friendship or anything I hope!

Hassled Wed 28-Oct-15 20:05:28

Just step back a bit - she will know you've tried and the ball is in her court now. She may have other stuff going on at work or wherever - friendships do tend to ebb and flow a bit and I'm sure it will all resume again, but for now she clearly needs some space.

teacher54321 Wed 28-Oct-15 20:06:19

You sound a little bit intense and over invested... Phoning her every evening? I would struggle with that and feel a bit hunted down, and I am totally addicted to my phone!

CharlotteGrey Wed 28-Oct-15 20:08:55

teacher, i can see why you think that but I'm really, really not smile

I hadn't phoned her in a few weeks then quite fancied a chat. So my point is that I've tried to get in contact with her over the last few days. I'm not actuvely trying to get her to speak to me every evening!!

Lelania Wed 28-Oct-15 20:09:26

I really hate talking on the phone. I have to do it enough at work. I'm guilty of call screening and replying to texts because I'd rather talk in person.

CremeEggThief Wed 28-Oct-15 20:12:33

Maybe she's just too busy or tired for a phone catch-up? I wouldn't worry too much.

PicInAttic Wed 28-Oct-15 20:15:25

If it's not a new thing, you might just have to accept that you have different 'keeping in touch' styles and try not to see that as any reflection on your friendship. I could be your friend as am exactly same. I love texting and meeting in person for long gossipy catch-ups but hate talking on phone for any length of time. It's not personal but just doesn't do it for me any more - prob too many teenage and beyond years of long conversations in cold hallways (pre-mobiles as am that old!). In fact, it actually stresses me now and makes me feel uncomfortable in a way silly texts and genuine meet ups doesn't.
There's nothing wrong with you wanting to chat but equally nothing wrong with her not wanting to talk.
Sorry - not much help but know that, for me, it isn't anything to do with my feelings about friends. It's purely about talking on the phone!

CharlotteGrey Wed 28-Oct-15 20:19:29

Thanks everyone.

I am definitely being a bit childish as I also have a side like to this to my personality - when I feel like someone is contacting me too much, I retreat a bit so iab incredibly u by my own standards blush

I know it sounds silly but I just really wanted to hear her voice. You know when a friend just makes you feel happy (and I hope I do the same for her, it's not like I want to vent or anything to her, just chat), I would love it if she was available for a chat now and again...

Hey ho, I will leave it

maggiso Wed 28-Oct-15 20:22:54

Well I tend to have my phone on silent (because it has to be at work and then I forget to put it back) so I often miss calls but I notice texts when I check it. Also I live (and work is even worse) in an area of poor mobile reception so often a text will get through but a phone call will not. Perhaps she has the same problem?

Mrsnoo72 Wed 28-Oct-15 20:22:58

I agree PicInAttic. I find talking on the phone hard work these days. Used to love long blethers too.. I have a friend who always seems to call for a chat just as the kids are screaming / am trying to serve a meal / doing homework / arguing with DH - I find it incredibly difficult and stressful. Her kids are older than mine and are quietly ipadding or suchlike in their rooms. Also, I feel guilty for fobbing off and ignoring the kids for the 60-90 minutes she is often on the phone for (despite me often saying I am too busy to speak) - and I am too polite to just say goodbye and hang up (more fool me). And I simply don't have that kind of time available - too much to do. So I am guilty of screening calls. And by evening I am simply too done-in after all day with the 3 angels to start a big conversation - usually just dribble in front of the telly (of course once finish the dishes, the washing, the tidying). I am a HUGE fan of the text message - duck to water when I got my first mobile.

Mrsnoo72 Wed 28-Oct-15 20:25:11

And in my defense my mobile gets poor reception in the house too...

Rainbunny Wed 28-Oct-15 20:28:24

TBH you could be describing me! I once backed away from a friendship because my then friend called incessantly, leading up to 8 times in one day which had me running for the hills. Not that I'm saying you're like that OP.

I do hate talking on the phone though, I will text everytime if possible. Even my DH and me are hilariously awkward when we talk on the phone, despite being together for a decade and never happier than when we're in each other's company. Put us on a phonecall though and it's all ums and er's with awkward pauses until we can end the call with a mumbled "love you" lol!

StarlingMurmuration Wed 28-Oct-15 20:35:46

I nearly always reply quickly I texts but rarely pick up the phone because I just hate talking on the phone unless I'm in the right mood. Maybe she feels the same? It doesn't mean I don't like my friends.

CardinalPoint Wed 28-Oct-15 20:50:13

Im often too busy or too busy relaxing to want to talk on the phone.
I'd suggest waiting awhile then texting her to ask her to call you if she fancies a chat. Then there is no pressure for her to call unless she wants to.

FudgeLoverYum Wed 28-Oct-15 20:57:16

If you weren't great at answering calls or texts perhaps she also is now the same way? I am less available for some friends. If I am free, great but there are some friends I will make a concerted effort to get back to quickly because they are very good at communication. The ones who are bad to get hold of, we plan phone tag until we are both free at the same time.

It used to be one chasing another but that grew frustrating. Perhaps your friend is busy and since neither of you are known to be great at communication, she knows you'll catch up when you are both able.

It seems to me like you are communicating a lot- texting several times a week, calling every two weeks, seeing each other every few weeks. That's pretty good given that each of you have your own lives.

Maybe try to arrange a day to call over texts? When both of you are free.

I think the most important thing for me would be that if you text/called saying you needed her/her help/support etc, would she be there?

FudgeLoverYum Wed 28-Oct-15 20:59:57

I do love to chat when in the bath though.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways Wed 28-Oct-15 21:01:32

I HATE talking on the phone and am guilty of slinging calls and texting.

Goldmandra Wed 28-Oct-15 21:05:40

If I had something stressful going on, which is quite often at the moment, I tend to prefer to text and arrange a meet up rather than talk on the phone in the evenings.

If someone tried to call me several times an evening for five evenings running, I would find it very intrusive. I'd probably turn my phone off.

I would take the hint, back off and just wait for her to call you with, maybe, a text now and then, just to keep in touch.

Kangenchunga Wed 28-Oct-15 21:07:27

I think tech has changed everything. My best friend and I have known each other for 38 years and we used to talk ALL the time on the phone. Since mobiles and texting became so much more the norm we barely speak on the phone at all. It seems weird which is crazy as we used to so much but have just fallen out of the habit I suppose. In fact I don't know why I bother with a land-line as I barely use it at all but text loads and see my friends a lot in person too.

I love it when we meet up and then chat for hours. I think I've become a bit phone averse - maybe your friend has too?

Purplepoodle Wed 28-Oct-15 21:09:06

If she's had a full on wk at work she might not want to talk to anyone. I get overload with work and kids, by end.of day I don't want to speak to anyone

PigletJohn Wed 28-Oct-15 21:27:47

phone calls demand immediate attention, but texts can be dealt with when you have the time and feel like it. A text will not turn into a 20 minute conversation.

teacher54321 Wed 28-Oct-15 22:13:59

Phone calls in the evening are completely draining, after a full day teaching and then wrestling a preschooler into bed I just want to lie on the sofa watching box sets, in silence. My job involves constantly being with other people and I literally talk alllllll day. Maybe she's the same?

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