I've become really shouty, impatient and awful

[Kiddiewinks2008]

Just that really- I have turned into an awful, impatient, shouty, loud parent and I dont know when it happened.

I was at football watching my DS yesterday with my toddler DD who kept running off and I kept shouting loudly- I could see other parents giving my sideways looks for bellowing accross the park.

I never meant to turn into a loud, shouty awful person- am just a bit tired & worn out at the moment & its somehow happened.

I feel so awful though- I was dreadful- I feel such a bad parent as my DS got upset saying he was upset by being shouted at all the time.

Despite my bad behaviour, my kids are lovely and DS got a really good school report last week saying how keen he was to learn etc & well behaved in class etc.

AIBU to ask for some better strategies to help me stop being so angry/shouty/awful- its really made me feel ashamed & embarrassed!

[Spartans]

I turned into a bit of a shouty parent with our youngest.

We have 2. I think it was because trying to watch both of them was so hard when the toddler kept running off or just doing normal toddler stuff.

I simply had to check myself every time. My oldest knows that if I am watching her at sport and disappear it's because I have to sort ds. We are a family and I can't let him run off because she is competing. She knows that I would do the same for her. I found I was trying to live up to expectations that weren't really there. Dd was fine if I disappeared for a few minutes or was distracted.

I put pressure on myself to watch the toddler and the oldest one constantly and give both the same level of attention at the same time. Now I juggle it better. Behave alone time with me, the rest is a case of 'who needs me more at that second'.

Every time I shouted I took a second to calm down and make a different decision, then that progressed to recognising that the shouty parent was making an appearance and calm myself before it did.

Not sure if I have explained it well or if it helped. Hope it did

[wintersdawn]

I had this exact same realisation a couple of months ago. I realised I'd started shouting at my kids all the time and that had rolled into everything else, I never bothered to move rooms to talk to my DH I just shouted loader and I was making me a really angry person. My mum said something when she visited and it really shocked me as like you I swore I'd never become one of those parents and yet here I was.

I had to make a real effort to change and be more aware of it all. The best thing I ever did was if my kids shout at me (in anger or because they were in a different room) I ignored them, they soon learnt if they wanted to talk to me they had to come and find me. If they are cross and shouting I either ignore them or say I can't hear you until they talk to me in a normal voice and then I'll respond to them. Given that my DD is exhausted from just starting school, the shouting and tantrums are fairly regular at the moment but they are stopping quicker with me not responding. Plus I'm happier from not shouting all the time.

Also it means if we are out and about and I do shout at them due to danger like roads etc they listen straight away as its not my normal voice anymore.

[SeasonalVag]

well, I've become shouty and impatient since having kids - im sure I was quite easy going beforehand. its tiredness, OP. I go to bed at 9 because I can handle a disturbed sleep much better if I've at least had the hours.

I feel much much calmer.

[Kiddiewinks2008]

I have been trying to get more sleep and it has helped. I just feel like an alien has taken over my body sometimes when I am shouting and ranting, like I lost myself somewhere along the line!

I used to be a quiet person who rarely shouted hence why I feel a bit ashamed - my poor kids deserve better!!

[OhWotIsItThisTime]

I get like this. It's usually because I'm tired or stressed, or both. Can you offload the kids for half a day and do something for yourself?

Also, have a think about coping mechanisms - what can you do to avoid a situation where you have to shout? And is there an alternative to shouting?