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AIBU? Warning, this is about Christmas.

(258 Posts)
JupiterSaturn Fri 07-Aug-15 17:57:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GloGirl Fri 07-Aug-15 17:59:33

YANBU, is there any way you can leave DH to it and go off and stay with a sister maybe? Don't tell him of course till the day you leave.

clam Fri 07-Aug-15 18:02:20

YANBU. I'm your shoes I would be livid. Tell him he retracts the invitation right now.

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Aug-15 18:03:22

Jesus I don't know where to begin?! confused

Why did you end up doing everything yourself? Were both your DH's arms broken at the time?

Why does he get to decide these things without discussing with you?

As for the last line of your OP, you mean the Mum in your family. Certainly not mine.

TheRealAmyLee Fri 07-Aug-15 18:03:29

Yadbu you deserve a Christmas as well. Why is it necessary for anyone to stay over anywhere when they live close?

ginnybag Fri 07-Aug-15 18:03:40

Mumsnet classic time.... No is a complete sentence.

One you should be using, too. It's your house and your Christmas as much as his. You had his family last year, so there's no earthly good reason why you should again.

He invited them without even asking you.... he can bloody well uninvited them, too!

Totality22 Fri 07-Aug-15 18:04:06

So last year your husband let his family treat you like an unpaid servant.... as well as letting them criticise you and spoil your festive period and he has invited the do the same again this year?

I fear the problem isn't Christmas, or even your in laws! !!

Tooooooohot Fri 07-Aug-15 18:04:42

If the invite can't be retracted give them a list of things to buy or bank details for advance payment.... set firm rules and worst case scenario, threaten to book flights to Spain.

FarFromAnyRoad Fri 07-Aug-15 18:04:50

So this has been decided without any consultation with or agreement from you?
I'm not sure I'd stand for that actually. Is your DH a bossy overbearing shit in other areas too?

Totality22 Fri 07-Aug-15 18:05:10

Just in case there is an ambiguity OP the problem is your husband!!!

UrethraFranklin1 Fri 07-Aug-15 18:06:55

Tell him to un-fucking-sort it! IT makes no difference if you loved or loathed every minute of last year, you don't invite people to christmas without consulting your wife, end of story.

LokiBear Fri 07-Aug-15 18:07:25

Tell your dh that if they insist on coming to you then that is fine, but you are going our for dinner. Book the local pub and only pay for yours, dh's and dcs meals. Tell him you are not cooking under any circumstances. If that doesn't put them off then at least you don't have to cook!

WaggleBee Fri 07-Aug-15 18:07:31

YANBU at all.

Tell everyone that this Christmas you're spending the day with your DH and DC's.

If you want to, maybe arrange to go for a meal on Boxing Day or something but there's no way you should be doing everything again. Your DH is so out of order.

Backforthis Fri 07-Aug-15 18:09:34

Could you book flights to Spain for you and your DC?

Alanna1 Fri 07-Aug-15 18:11:33

I think, in your shoes, I'd send everyone an email saying they are welcome, but you found it too hard last year to cater yourself, so unless they want to organise the food and cook it you suggest you all go out to (local open pub) where it will be £x p.h. (making it clear they are paying!) but that you'll do a simple christmas eve meal of (cheese, bread and mulled wine). I'd suggest everyone brings a bottle of champagne for christmas day. Then I'd also beg your cleaner to come on boxing day afternoon to clean up, offering her a big bonus to do so or a friend of hers if she's too busy.

HoldYerWhist Fri 07-Aug-15 18:12:13

Why is it that as the mum in the family you are expected to please everyone else but no one actually gives a f£ck about what you would like. AIBU?

Your family, I'm afraid.

There is no fucking way this would happen with me.

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Aug-15 18:12:33

I basically spent the whole of Christmas period shopping, washing, changing sheets, baking, cooking, cleaning and washing up. I felt like Cinderella.

And yet you used the phrase we hosted last Christmas?!

It certainly doesn't read as a 'we'...

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Aug-15 18:13:48

Alanna1 Fucking hell.

You'd do all of that rather than just tell the DH to get his lazy finger out??

Floggingmolly Fri 07-Aug-15 18:15:24

Why act the martyr when they're there? You cooked three different mains... Why??? It's Christmas dinner! Nobody does that, surely?
Any fussy arses's can cater for themselves confused

WorraLiberty Fri 07-Aug-15 18:15:43

And where has the OP even said she has a cleaner? confused

Oldraver Fri 07-Aug-15 18:16:18

I think you need to put your foot down now or in 20 years times the cheeky fuckers will still be bothering you

Humansatnav Fri 07-Aug-15 18:16:24

No, nononononono. Have you told him to UN arrange it ? Cheeky fucker ! angry

blueistheonlycolourwefeel Fri 07-Aug-15 18:16:41

We go out for Christmas dinner. Yes, it's pricey, but it's ACE. No prep, no washing up and beautiful food with no stress. I would wholeheartedly recommend it! If you're worried about them not coughing up, go out for dinner or lunch on Christmas Eve and produce a Marks and Spencer cold Christmas lunch that you just have to take the covers off! alternatively, tell them all to fuck off

Murfles Fri 07-Aug-15 18:22:24

I learned a lot of years ago to ensure people know what's expected of them if they're coming to ours for Christmas. I spent one Christmas doing everything and it was the one and only time it happened. It was awful! We always have at least 15 people over the festive period staying varying amounts of time. The only people that are exempt from doing much are my ageing PIL. Anyone else that comes needs to be prepared to muck in. I don't mind cooking but I don't clear away or run after people. They know where the kitchen is. As your DH kindly invited them tell him he can do the shopping, help you with the cooking and clear away as well as entertain them. Be clear you will not be at their beck and call. It's your home and your rules.

TheVeryThing Fri 07-Aug-15 18:22:25

This is insane. Agree with others that this is not normal in most families.
After last year's fiasco you need to insist on a family day. Meet them for lunch out somewhere if necessary but do not allow these people in your home.
I can't help wondering why your husband thought it was ok to arrange this.
Did you not read him the riot act after last year?

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