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AIBU?

To want dp to take his holidays?

18 replies

NickyEds · 07/08/2015 10:51

So we had our lovely dd 3 weeks ago and already have ds who is 19 months. Throughout my pregnancy dp has been saving holiday days up so we could have some flexability after his paternity leave was up (he got 2 weeks, ending at the start of this week). Last night he tells me that he has 19 days still available- great stuff.....but he goes on to say that they need to be used by the end of September and there's no way he's going to fit anywhere near that many in. I thought he had to use them by the end of the year.
I'm a bit upset that there were times that I struggled at the start (morning sickness) and end (generally massive with a toddler)of my pregnancy when I could have really used a hand but he was saving up holidays he will now not use. He's generally been great and his job is one where he can go in a bit late and leave a bit early- which he has been doing but he always makes that time up in the evenings.
I genuinely don't know if IBU. I used to work for myself so know how hard it is to just take time off but surely having a very pregnant partner/new born and toddler is the time to take your holidays? AIBU to think that he should take his holiday entitlement?

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MrsLeighHalfpenny · 07/08/2015 10:59

He may not be allowed to. You can't just take holiday when you want.

Bullshitbingo · 07/08/2015 11:04

Why didn't he know when the holiday year runs from and to? Seems a bit odd, and lacking in any forethought? If I saved up my holiday as he has, I'd want to be damn sure I could actually use it.

Are you sure he's telling the truth and it's not just that he doesn't want to be at home with the toddler and baby? My DH has found the shift to two children from one quite hard work.

Bullshitbingo · 07/08/2015 11:05

Congratulations on the new baby btw!

Preciousbane · 07/08/2015 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BathtimeFunkster · 07/08/2015 11:07

If he has that many days to take before the end of the leave year, then his employer will have to give him the leave.

How many days can he carry over to the next year?

ginmakesitallok · 07/08/2015 11:08

He will have known when his leave year runs, so v bad planning on his part. Yanbu

LindyHemming · 07/08/2015 11:10

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NickyEds · 07/08/2015 11:12

I think it's mainly because he's shifting from one contract to another at the end of September- but yes, I think he should have checked before now. In general holidays have never been important to us, he had 12 days lapse last year. Before that we didn't have dc and both worked silly hours (quite happily I might add!) and he never took his full holidays.

I don't think he's avoiding us or at least I hope not. He's fantastic when he's here. i think it's more of being a bit disorganised and I often think that he signs up for a lot of work that he could possibly avoid. He always seems to be the one left doing things when no one else will.

MrsLeigh- he almost certainly can't take them all now. He's pretty high up so it's not a matter of needing permission as such, just that some stuff at work needs to get done IYSWIM.

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NickyEds · 07/08/2015 11:15

Lots of x posts! He can't carry any days over- use them or lose them.

He hasn't proposed how many days he will use yet. We were originally very worried that I'd need a section (baby was breech for ages) and that he'd need to take a month off. I had an easy birth so now he sort of thinks he won't have to take that time so isn't that bothered if he loses the days.

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Bullshitbingo · 07/08/2015 18:01

Sounds like he's going to need a shift in attitude. Fair enough holidays weren't impr to him before, but they should be now he has kids. He also needs to think about not volunteering for every piece of work going if he wants to spend any time with his kids!

Totality22 · 07/08/2015 18:07

God what a numpty.

Will he at least be paid for the annual leave he cannot use?

trollkonor · 07/08/2015 18:07

Ive know a couple of people who have lots of leave to use up do 4 day weeks for a while. Less traumatic for the company than someone sudenly taking a month off. The empoyee gets to enjoy long weekends.

He will need to get more organized in future! Not using up my annual leave is beyond my compehension ?

Totality22 · 07/08/2015 18:08

He isn't bothered if he loses the days? Does he like working for free? I upgrade my numpty to fool.

Littlef00t · 07/08/2015 18:20

If he's going in late etc, can he not use this as holiday so he doesn't then need to make the time up? At least then he could do chores etc.

NickyEds · 07/08/2015 19:16

nope, he won't be paid for the leave he doesn't take, they'll just be days that he could have had off with pay but won't.

Yes Little he didn't really need to make the time up- he could have just used some if these days. He kind of thinks that by coming home early every now and then he doesn't need to take the holidays, but he works extra to compensate for that time so I don't count it.

We are going to have a discussion later about how much time off he's going to have in the next few weeks. Might not be the best day to broach it as I've had the day from hell with poorly toddler and new born.To put this into context this is a man who has never had a sick day. Ever. As in his mum has 13 years of 100% attendance certificates from school, never had a sick day off uni and never had a sick day off work. His paternity leave with ds was the longest he's ever had off!

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ginmakesitallok · 07/08/2015 19:20

My DP is the same, usually never takes all his holidays. However this year he's actually using them!!! True he's taking days off when I'm at work and the kids are at school, so no real benefit to family, but it's a start!

ForalltheSaints · 07/08/2015 19:28

Everyone should take their holiday entitlement. I'd be concerned if a manager is stopping it, or workaholic tendencies are there in your dp. Or some other psychological issue such as a fear of being at home for long periods with your child.

NickyEds · 07/08/2015 19:33

No manager stopping him, he's got a lot of autonomy in his job, just a lot of responsibility too. Probably some workaholic tendencies though. He does like us, honestly! I think it's more a case of him thinking he can do it all. He thinks there are more hours in a day than there are.

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