Moving house

[knightfall]

i have had very little sleep so may have lost the plot.

We are moving house in a week. I have started packing up the house, arranged movers, storage etc. I asked Dh months ago to book some time off work to pack or do it in the evenings/ weekends, but he didn't. So last weekend I cancelled a visit to my family so that he could spend the weekend packing while I look after ds.

I was only asking him to pack up his stuff. Not mine. Not ds's. Not shared things. Just his clothes and work stuff and huge collection of kitchen machinery.

I have taken three days off work to do EVERYTHING else to do with the move (including meeting builders and estate agents etc).

And he hasn't done it. He's packed up his office. In unmarked, unsealed boxes that are impossible to tell apart from rubbish. But not his clothes, the kitchen, the miscellaneous boxes of crap still lingering from the last move.

He left for work this morning saying, "try to get some rest today." Rest? Rest? Rest???? Firstly, I never effing rest. I work 4 days a week and look after ds. Secondly, even if I didn't give a monkeys about my job, only one of us gets to decide not to put any work into keeping the house together. And it's not me. I am so angry. Tell me I am being unreasonable, and how I can get some perspective.

[Hypotenuse]

You're not B U, I'd leave his stuff behind.

[lalalonglegs]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Given his lack of interest, does he know where you are moving to? If not, I might be tempted not to tell him...

[Crimblecrumble]

Yanbu! Presumably you made a joint decision to move house, so you should both shoulder all the work involved in actually moving. Maybe he isnt appreciating how much work you have already done, you need to have a chat with him when he gets home and say that he needs to pull his weight. Good luck!

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Why don't you hide one of his office boxes... Then say: oh sorry i thought it was rubbish so it's all gone to the tip - there's just SO much to do...

Let him sweat...

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

... Not nice, but you may get your point across...

[Boosiehs]

Book packers as well as movers.

Minimal additional cost and they were WAY better than us at packing.

[AmberNectarine]

DON'T pack his stuff

[HoldenCaulfield80]

YANBU! My DH did this once when we were moving and I just didn't bother. He was scrabbling around on the morning of the move to sort everything out and looked like a complete knob in front of our friends who were helping us. It's never happened again!

[AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain]

Yanbu. Do not pack his stuff.

[bnotts]

My OH did this . I was 8 months pregnant took time of work and packed everything in our 3 bed house plus took care of our 3 year old.Except his garage stuff , his clothes , office stuff , DVDs , CD's. His still didn't do it. I stayed up very late and boxed and labelled all his stuff CELLAR (except his clothes) . Movers put it where it was labelled. I did all the unpacking leaving the cellar and 9 months later it is all still there.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Don't touch his stuff. He obviously wants it left. Apply yourself to doing something else. Preferably something for you.

And breathe......

[yorkshapudding]

I dont think you need "perspective" at all. You actually sound very calm, considering the situation. I would probably be throwing an almighty strop in your shoes! Trying to combine a house move with work and kids is bloody stressful even if everyone pulls their weight. By opting out of any of the packing/organising he's making it twice as stressful for you.

When he comes home tonight tell him in no uncertain terms how unimpressed you are with his lack of effort and that you will not be packing his things. Then don't pack them. No matter how much you want to, no matter how close to moving day he leaves it, don't pack his stuff for him. Either he'll get off his arse and do it or he will look like a complete and utter twonk scrabbling around trying to pack up his things when the movers arrive.

[castlesintheair]

I like your style bnotts

I have been in the same position several times. DH conveniently manages to be away on business every time we move. Second to last time we moved I was 7 months pg with 2 DC aged 3 & 5. Apart from 2 men and a van I did the whole effing lot myself. I ended up in hospital.

We are moving again in 3 weeks. Supposedly. Until DH has found movers (complicated as abroad), which he has been "about to do" for 4 weeks, I'm not packing a thing.

OP you are not unreasonable!

[HoggleHoggle]

Can you email/text him to point out what you've done thus far and how little you're asking for him to do in comparison? Not in a petty way, but matter of fact?

We've recently moved and I did everything including managing a renovation on the new place. Dh was frankly just blissfully unaware of how much is done so when he was being crap at doing something I'd left to him, I emailed him along the lines I mention. He instantly realised he was being a total tool and was much more proactive for the rest of the time.

I know putting it in writing might seem weird but for me and dh it works just in terms of keeping things calm when actually at that point I was really cross with him and to approach it verbally would have resulted in an argument.

[TinnedAslan]

Pay an extra £400 next time and let the removals people pack everything for you. That means everything. Even utensils that fell down the back of the cooker and assorted unbelievables behind the headboards.

Meanwhile, just don't pack anything of his. Come moving day, he'll be on it, and you can sit and have a coffee whilst he stresses.

Disclaimer: moved house 43 times since birth