To give up council house and go private?

[MrsRose1982]

Currently live in a council house with gardens, decent sized bedrooms on a street of mainly ex council houses now privately owned for £400 per month. Sounds ideal but I just can't settle here, it's near where I grew up which has lots of bad memories attached to it. I obviously knew this when I accepted the house but thought I could get over my issues for the sake of the opportunity for secure tenancy in a relatively nice area. However I've found since we've moved here my anxiety has raised, I'm nervous and unsettled. My Dh and dcs love it here so I do not want to bring down their happiness with my unhappiness by complaining/ moaning ( although this is how I feel inside!).
WIBU to suggest moving to private rental to Dh when him and the children are settled here? I wouldn't want to go too far, maybe the next village ( 2 miles) which is a 'nicer' area, better schools lovely village but the rents would be £700-£800 so basically double what we pay here and not as secure as council tenancy.
Do I just stay and try and work through my 'issues' or move for the sake of my mental health?

[Saltedcaramel2014]

Could you actively look to address your anxiety as a first course of action - counselling maybe? Or exercise/yoga etc? Just so you can be sure that moving would be a genuinely fresh start for you - you don't want to uproot everyone only to find you still feel the same way inside in the new house.

[Saltedcaramel2014]

Ps very sorry to hear you have been feeling this way. Anxiety is awful.

[PtolemysNeedle]

I'd try and address the mental health issues first. You have no guarantee a move will cure them, and you'd be paying a pretty big price! If after that you still want to move, couldn't you try finding a swop instead of leaving a secure tenancy?

[Purplepoodle]

Try to address the anxiety first. You could end up moving every 6 months with private rental

[JamNan]

Have you thought about a tenancy swap?
info here I think it madness to go into private accommodation when you have HA. There are some right shitty private LLs out there.

To be honest, I think the bad memories and anxiety will move with you to another house. Why not consider some counselling? Go and see your GP.

Moving house is a very stressful life event.

[JamNan]

for you cos it's AIBU

[KraggleLego]

As other posters have said, try address your issues first and if that doesn't work go for a house swap. I really wouldn't give up your secure tenancy for private where it costs and awful lot more with more uncertainty

[AnyoneForTennis]

Can you afford that? Assuming you also work

[EdSheeransGString]

I gave up my council house to move into a private let 5 years ago for the exact same reason as you - I suffer from anxiety and depression and living in the area I grew up was the reason. I suffered horrific flashbacks from my childhood and couldn't settle. I gave the house up and moved ten miles away to the next town, paying £800 a month in rent to find my issues were still there, just projected onto something else. It caused huge amounts of stress between me and dp, I have moved 6 times since, I'm almost bankrupt and have split with dp. I'm now back in my hometown, in a flat identical to my council flat yet im paying double the rent and have very very little chance of getting another council property and will never in this lifetime get a mortgage or own my own home.

I would advise anyone to stay in the council property unless they are buying.

Private renting is horrible. Every time I've moved it's not been my fault, landlords wanted house back etc.

I would suggest that you start looking for a house swap with another council tenant.

[MrsRose1982]

Thanks for the replies. My first aibu so half expecting a flaming! I'm doing all I can to combat my anxiety ( anxiety is so horrid) by meditating, exercising, looking after myself self getting plenty of sleep good diet etc. been waiting for CBT since the spring so hopefully should be getting an appointment through for that soon.
I had a pretty rough time growing up around here and since moving here I have become almost agoraphobic. I do go out but get nervous when out, and feel rubbish about myself. I'm a grown woman but feel like a scared little girl when out and about around where I live.

[manicinsomniac]

If it was just you on your own I would say move.

But if your family is happy I think you owe it to them to try and work through things first.

[AllTheUserNamesAreTaken]

If you were to move to private rented then you would be spending an extra £300-400 per month in rent. Why not stay where you are for now and pay privately for CBT to see if this helps your anxiety.

[Penfold007]

You are currently have the benefit of a secure tenancy and a non-market rent. By your own admission the house is nice, in a decent street, your DH & DCs are settled.

Go back to your GP and explain how you are not coping and see if the counselling can be speeded up. You need to face your issues, good luck.

[PoppyBlossom]

Agree with alltheudernames, spend that £400 on council now, make your mental health a priority.

[GraysAnalogy]

You've said nothing wrong don't expect a flaming

I would do what's best for your mental health. It'll not only benefit you but your family as a whole.

[runnymead]

I was in similar circumstances, suffered extreme anxiety and PTSD due to traumatic experiences in my old area. I got a transfer from my council house to a new area (but within same council with a high priority due to medical needs (my psych and GP wrote letters to support my move). You should not have to give up the security of a council tenancy just because you have MH issues, and the council have a duty to house you appropriately, that means moving if the current house is making your mental health worse. It took 4 months from starting the application so it does take time, but if your issues are serious then you have every right to insist on a transfer.

[RosePetels]

Op I felt like this when I moved from South London to North london. I grew up in North London but I moved to South and stayed for years so I was so use to it. I have been here for around 3-4 months now still don't feel completely settled, still don't have a dentist or doctors they are still all in South lon.
I think you need to let go though and you will learn to accept living there, it's like that when you move somewhere new, you have to get use to everything again.

[RosePetels]

Also if you still feel you don't want to be there you could try a home swap for another council house.

[x2boys]

Hi op i,m in a council house i personally wouldnt give it up as you say secure tenancy cheaper rents i pay over £300 less than my private rented property can you look into swapping?

[Mrsjayy]

Could you look into a council swap rather than private renting there is websites and facebook groups for this did you accept the house or did the cpuncil give you no other option so you felt you had to take it

[specialsubject]

you get a cheaper house with a tenancy for life. While there are a lot of good landlords (Despite the bile-spewers on here) they run a business and so have to make a profit, so they will charge more. And while you can set up a long-term tenancy, you can't set one up for life even though it may work out that way.

if the other houses are in a better area they will cost more.

[IsItMeOrIsItHotInHere]

You'd be absolutely mad to give up a council house in a nice area surrounded by owner occupiers. Honestly, it would be a huge mistake, extra financial burden, no security... Try to see if you can get swap but if not then stay put And work on your issues. Chances are your anxiety may not improve by moving anyway.

[MrsRose1982]

Thanks for the all the replies, it's helped me think more rational! When anxious it's easy to just want to escape the situation at almost any cost just to get some relief.
I'm going to look into transfer/ exchange, and chase up the cbt see how much longer the waiting list is.

[Mrsjayy]

Anxiety is a bugger it really is glad getting it down helped you get it into perspecttive

[PlanetMJ]

Sorry that you are finding things so hard OP, anxiety is awful. I know that CBT isn't a magical cure-all but in my professional capacity I work with many people who suffer from often very severe anxiety. Many of them eventually undertake CBT and for those who manage to get a therapist they gel with and really embrace and practice the techniques, it can be life changing.
I hope that you get the opportunity to get some decent therapy as soon as possible. It can be a long wait on the NHS but definitely worth pursuing as an option and even if CBT isn't right for you, in some areas IAPT services (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) will be able to offer other types of therapy and support. I would really recommend getting as much professional help as possible to manage your anxiety before up-rooting your family. As previous posters have said, you may make this drastic move only to find that your anxiety is no better.
It sounds like you are already doing lots of really positive things like exercising and meditating. I know that different things work for different people but when I have struggled in the past, I found a lot of support online, the anonymity can be helpful and the reinforcing of all the things you are already doing can be good to hear from others who have an understanding of what you are experiencing, particularly those who have come out the other side and are managing their anxiety now. Mainly Mumsnet of course!:)