Not to visit df this year

[ppolly]

I'd planned to go and visit df and stepmum this year - we live at opposite ends of the country - and take dd with me on the train. I get panic attacks when I am around my relatives for more than about a day, so I thought dd and me could stay in a hotel in a city not to far away from them and they could come and see us for the day. They do not want to do that. They want us to stay with them and see us at their house. It sounds selfish of me but I'm scared of having to cope with panic attacks and dd at the same time. Next year I can budget for a holiday cottage nearby for a few days, but not this. Aibu?

[Houseworkavoider]

Yanbu
What is it about them that causes your anxiety?

[RedHelenB]

I think you are if you only see him once a year.

[morelikeguidelines]

From what you are saying YANBU.

But also would be interested in background to the anxiety.

You don't have to go and visit them at all if you don't want to.

[badtime]

It doesn't sound selfish of you. It sounds selfish of them , that they think that what they want overrides what you need for your mental health.

[ppolly]

past history - they are elderly and kindly now, but I've had panic attacks since I was about 16. Now they only flare up if I'm really stressed/eating posh meals out/round my relatives.

[ppolly]

my mum is a slightly narcissistic lesbian and separated from my dad the microsecond I left school.They had only stayed together that long because of me. I wasn't allowed to be unhappy about it.

[Pippa12]

Has something happened that causes you to have panic attacks around your family, if so I'd think long and hard about whether I would want to see them at all. If not, then I can understand them being perplexed and upset at you not wanting to stay with them if you only see them once a year?! X

[ppolly]

No, they are all very lovely now. panic attacks don't tend to be very logical. And yes , they are probably feeling upset.