To be sad that ds 10 was told all about sex and more!

[Letstalkaboutsex]

Ds is ten and has been really subdued for the last week. Turns out he watched 'the video' - year 5 followed by his friends telling him everything. Ok, we were wrong. He didn't know much at all. But in one swoop he now knows all about w*king, bjs, etc etc. He's really upset and I feel quite sad too. He's only just turned 10. Do they really need to know this stuff yet? AIBU and need to treat him less precious?

[NotReallyAPrincess]

Why is he upset? Have you spoken to him in case there's anything he wants to talk about?

[teeththief]

What's he upset about? YABU. Have you not spoken about any of those before?

[ClaimedByMe]

Why is he upset? How on earth have you managed to shield him from it all for so long? My ds is 10 and knows loads more than I think he should know but they get taught loads at school and their friends tell them and thanks to dd 12 he knows all about periods too!

[totallybewildered]

why would this upset him?

[Fleecyleesy]

I think yab a bit u sorry.

He is 10, you should have been gradually building up his knowledge of this stuff over the years IMO. My ds is a year younger and recently these things have been talked about by his mates. One boy told him about BJs. Another started on about anal sex. Fortunately my ds knew a fair bit about sex so I was able to extend the explanations to BJs.

My dd could have told you how babies were made when she was 4.

I overheard a bunch of 10yos talking. They thought no adults were there. They were talking about sex and nothing else. You need to reassure your ds it is ok and make sure his knowledge is correct.

[vaticancameos]

My Y3 DS had age appropriate knowledge about sex. This is both from his own natural curiosity and what is covered in school. I have no problems with this.

There's not much that can be done about playground talk unless it's featuring really explicit stuff.

[ChwatFeechers]

Treat him less precious.

You can't control what he will certainly hear from other children, unfortunately.

[AnImpalaCalledBABY]

Of course they need to know, sex education shouldn't be something that's done once at an arbitrary age- it's an ongoing process that shoud start as early as possible in age appropriate ways

Did you really think that no one was going to tell him anything at that age?

You really shoud have told him yourselves so you could control the information given and so he wouldn't be so overwhelmed

[Letstalkaboutsex]

He's not so much upset as shocked and said he didn't need to know this stuff. Yes, I should have built up to this and agree, I missed the chance before he heard it in the playground. I'm just surprised that ten year old boys are talking about anal sex and bjs. Just a few months ago he left his stocking out for Father Christmas. It must be me. I didn't know this stuff though!!!

[geekymommy]

What exactly made him feel upset and sad? I'd figure that out and go from there.
10 really is getting to be old enough where he needs to know this stuff soon. Not telling kids about sex doesn't make them delay when they first have sex. It does, however, make it less likely that they'll have the knowledge they need to do it safely. We had a big push against comprehensive sex ed here in the US under George W Bush in the early 2000s. Not teaching kids about sex and contraception didn't deter teenagers from trying it.

[Fleecyleesy]

I think that at 10yo, he's becoming a bit embarrassed and the whole sex thing is probably gross and horrifying to him. A younger child can learn without embarrassment, with humour instead. My dc thought it all hilarious, but were much, much younger. I took opportunities to explain things when they happened to people around us. Eg ds do you know how aunty Emma got pregnant? (Obvs make sure aunty Emma doesn't have to hear it!!!)

[Bunbaker]

I think you are all being a little harsh towards the OP. I tried approaching the subject of sex ed with DD when she was about 9, but she really didn't want to know. I have always been open with her but she finds anything like this acutely embarrassing. In the end I left it for the school to deal with because I knew they would cover it in year 6.

She is 15 now and still hates the idea of trying bras on in shop changing rooms, talking about periods or anything in that vein.

[BombaySapper]

YANBU.

There is no reason for 10yos to know about anal sex. I am certain my 11yo doesn't.

I won't be coming back to the thread but I wanted you to know that you are not unreasonable and nor is your son's reaction.

[Whipnaenae]

And this is why I think children should be told in age appropriate ways from a very early age. I can't believe you didn't think about this before.... He is 10!

[CassieBearRawr]

YABVU. He should already have known most if not all of that information already.

It's good he has heard about it, your squeamishness about sex and wanking would have done him no favours.

[morethanpotatoprints]

My dd is 11 and last night she told me she knew what a prawn star is?
She knows about sex but likewise doesn't want to listen, blar blar so she can learn at school and from her friends. She knows she can talk to me about anything if she wants to and sometimes does, but for the minute it's all blar, blar blar to her.

[Ludoole]

My son went through puberty at 9 so i dont think 10 is unreasonable tbh.
We had discussed things before he hit puberty anyway so he was unfazed.

[SeenSheen]

Yanbu, I also think it is a shame, especially for the younger ones in the year group. They are still children and it would be nice if much of this information was left until secondary school. Basic information should suffice at primary school.

[BoysiesBack]

I agree, you're being a bit precious. I'm amazed he's never asked you anything before, my DCs started asking questions (basic ones, obv) age 4ish.

However, it's done now and you can't remove his knowledge, I think you need to find out what has shocked or upset him and take things from there, discuss the crucial issues that his peers wouldn't have such as consent, respect for sexual partners and contraception. Much, much more important than blow jobs and anal.

[Ludoole]

Leaving it until secondary school doesnt help those who go through puberty early. As i said upthread my ds started at 9 and i know he wasnt the only one at his school.

[somemothersdohavethem]

I don't think you're being entirely unreasonable. I'm not sure if want my ten year old to know about anal sex....but I would like him to have a healthy knowledge of what it takes to make a baby etc. I was always well informed on an age appropriate level by my mum ( my dad would've died off if he had to talk about sex) who always answered questions and gave me information. They're nothing wrong maybe being sad that the innocence is going but make sure you you talk to him and make him realise the consequences of sex if you're not careful!

[scarlets]

I remember that I found it all a bit gross, too! I think it's positive that he has told you that he is upset, rather than just going silent and brooding.

[pigwitch]

Yanbu. My ds will be 10 next month and he knows very little about sex. Any questions he's asked I've answered but tbh he hasn't asked many. I am certain he knows nothing about bj's etc. if he did I would be horrified. He's 9 fgs! He's a child that shouldn't be worrying about adult issues .

[CaptainHolt]

Some kids don't have the choice whether they know about anal sex or not. There have been issues around children being pressured into anal sex because it's not 'real' sex, in a similar way to bjs not being sex after the famous 'I did not have sex with that woman' debacle. I went to Catholic school and I knew of girls having anal sex because it meant they were still virgins. Forewarned is forearmed and all that. A mother at our school complained that her dd had been told that she had a clitoris and it felt nice to rub it. The girl is 11, and bizarrely the mother had no issue with her being taught about the boys getting pleasure from wanking, because 'that's a boy thing'.