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To miss the 'old me' a little?

(14 Posts)
bluejeanswhiteshirt Sat 04-Jul-15 18:17:06

I'm 25, newly single and a SAHM to my 9 month old dd. I rarely see any of my family and only have a couple of friends and they don't have kids.

I miss having a social life. I miss going to the pub and sitting in the beer garden with friends. I miss feeling slim and attractive. I miss flirting and getting male attention. I miss having carefree sex!

I love my dd more than anything in the world and wouldn't change a thing but AIBU to miss my old life a little? I feel so lonely and miserable, everyone seems to be having so much fun and going to BBQs and family weddings, hen parties ans birthdays etc and I don't do anything.

I'm worried that this is how it's going to be forever. I can't see me ever meeting a man and having the dream house, car, holidays and the 'normal' life. I don't know what I can do to change. I want dd to have the best life possible but how can she when I'm such a loner??

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sat 04-Jul-15 18:23:19

Entirely normal. You will get more of your life 'back' as she gets older. Do you get out to toddler groups and stuff?

bluejeanswhiteshirt Sat 04-Jul-15 18:28:01

Yeah we go to groups and I've met a couple of people but they don't seem too interested in being friends outside the group if you know what I mean. I've never felt this lonely before. I miss having a partner.

answersonapostcardplease Sat 04-Jul-15 18:30:41

I had Dd1 at 23. Its tough being a young mum and I had a partner.

As DD gets older it will be easier to get out there. There is no reason why you cant feel attractive and have lits of carefree sex. This is just the start. Good luck

ahbollocks Sat 04-Jul-15 18:31:13

I think you need to learn in a way to like the single you!
Ive been there and it sucked for a while but then I started loving my life, always eating the food I liked, watching shows I like.
Are you in a new area or inyour home town?

answersonapostcardplease Sat 04-Jul-15 18:31:57

Do you work? Have you though about dating sights?

bluejeanswhiteshirt Sat 04-Jul-15 18:42:09

I'm trying to lose weight and feel a bit better about myself but still nowhere near how I used to look and I feel like I have no excuse as I can hardly blame baby weight 9 months on! I live about 10 minutes away from my hometown and have considered moving back but wouls struggle to rent a new place as I'm not working (no childcare).

I have considered dating sites but it makes me a bit nervous and didn't have much luck on them when I tried a few years ago. I would love to buy a new outfit and go on a night out and let my hair down for once but I feel guilty for leaving dd even though her dad would lool after her. I'm daft, I know!

DorotheaHomeAlone Sat 04-Jul-15 18:48:23

That sounds really tough, OP. I miss the old me a bit and I'm 33 and happily married. Having a baby is a big shift at any age as is being newly single. My advice would be to cut yourself plenty of slack. Time will solve a lot of this for you and you're neatly out if the baby baby stage.

You do need to let her dad start having her though. It's good for all of you and nothing to feel guilty about. Couples switch off all the time to get some time off. It's healthy and normal to want that.

ahbollocks Sat 04-Jul-15 18:50:28

Why dont you hit up your old school/college friends? Have a trawl through your facebook friends list and see if anyone jumps out?

bluejeanswhiteshirt Sat 04-Jul-15 21:47:29

I've done the fb friends list thing and contacted a couple of people but again, they're busy planning weddings or with their careers etc. Maybe it's just me, I don't know sad I used to be quite popular and had lots of friends and everything changed so quickly.

KayAdams Sat 04-Jul-15 22:04:08

It's hard in the early years. Even married people feel lonely if they are the only ones in their peer group to have a baby.

It will get better, I promise you. Hang in there, concentrate on getting to know the new you (the young, wonderful mum), look after yourself and I think the rest will follow in time.

I was a single mum and I met the man of my dreams at age 34. I know you think that you're missing out now - but guess what.. in 10 year's time you'll be able to go off and do fun things as your DD will be older and your life will be more flexible. Your single friends will be stuck at home with their babies!

midlifehope Sat 04-Jul-15 22:09:55

Yanbu I feel like this at 38 in a relationship. Watching

HaleMary Sat 04-Jul-15 22:19:56

Look, you've had three major things happen. Having a child, stopping work, a relationship ending. Let yourself take a while to recover -definitely don't consider online dating yet! - and decide what you actually want. For instance, do you want to be a SAHM, given how isolated you feel? Maternity leave (which I had to extend) was one if the worst periods of my life, and life was immediately better once I went back to work and found a reliable, lovely childminder for my son.

Mourning for your pre-baby self is natural, and temporary, but very hard. All I can say is that from my experience, what you feel you've lost is not really gone, just temporarily in abeyance - you'll feel integrated again. Don't panic.

bluejeanswhiteshirt Sun 05-Jul-15 12:59:56

Thank you for the kind words. It's really sad but I seem to have given up on the idea of a 'dream man' which is ridiculous because I'm still so young. I've always gone for men who are 'below my standards' and I don't mean that in a bigheaded way, I just mean that I know I've deserved better but never had the guts to go for a man who I considered to be out of my league. I hope that makes sense. I hope I do find a good man one day.

I am happy being a SAHM especially while she's so little, but I sometimes feel guilty that she's bored or that I'm not giving her enough attention but it's tough when it's just me and her 24/7, and as she gets older she needs a lot more entertainment than what she used to as I'm sure you all know!

I'm meeting some old work friends for a meal in a couple of weeks, I contacted them last night and they were all interested. So I'm going to look forward to that and let my ex take care of dd for the evening.

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