Fundraising - is this an appropriate cause?

[Shakirasma]

This is a very sad situation for a local family and I am very sympathetic but this just doesn't seem right to me and I don't really know why. I am happy to be told IABU.

The local press and associated FB pages are promoting fundraising for a cause set up following the sad death of a mother, due to a sudden illness/condition.

Her family are, as a memorial to this lady, collecting money from the public to fund her child's future. The child is around pre school age.

It just doesn't seem right to me somehow. Sadly, many children lose parents to illness or accident, but the general public are not expected to provide. Their families do that. In fact this is why many of us choose to have life insurance isn't it?

If this mum, well in her 30's, chose not to have life insurance isn't it a bit off the ask the public to fill that financial gap?

I'm sorry if I am being insensitive by questioning the morality of this, I really don't want to be. But I can't decide if this is grabby, just a bit odd, or if IABU.

[Samcro]

i see where you are coming from and I would not give to something like this,

[WorraLiberty]

Firstly, why do you assume she 'chose' not to have life insurance?

Many people are struggling to pay every day rent/food bills/gas/electric/council tax etc...etc. It's not always a matter of choice.

If the local press/FB are providing a platform for funds to be raised, then good on them.

They're not demanding payment, just giving people a choice to donate or not.

[ASettlerOfCatan]

Not everyone can afford life insurance and some people just don't think it's important. It is slightly unusual but I can understand why it might be done.

Personally I would just ignore it and exercise my right to NOT donate if it didn't sit well with me.

[Stinkersmum]

YANBU. If you have children you should put provision in place for if you're not around. Its more than a bit off. It's brass neck. The father/rest of the family should provide.

[UpUpAndAway123]

I think it's a nice gesture. Just don't donate.

[VacantExpression]

It is scary how few people have life assurance these days. I personally would not donate but if others want to then that really lovely of them and a massive positive side effect of social media. So neither "side" is BU IMO.

[Reignbeau]

Do you not have to be a registered charity for that sort of thing, charity registration number and stuff? If I knew them I would probably give a one off donation, a family I know has gone through similar and organised a fundraising event so the children could put the money towards memorial stuff for their mother, naming a star, decorative stuff for the grave etc.

[velourvoyageur]

I think it's fine as long as no one is made to feel bad (subtly) for not giving. Do get where you're coming from and you sound very sensitive don't worry :)


This kind of thing probably happened a lot when the family unit wasn't so much in the private sphere (so maybe pre-industrialisation). We don't put as much emphasis on the value of community now (not a criticism just a comparison).

[Stinkersmum]

I don't think you have to be a registered charity on tools like go fund me.

[NRomanoff]

I do agree with you. As hard as it is for the child. My concerns around this is, who is going to be looking after the money and deciding what it's spent on. Or who is deciding what is happening with it?

Do they have a charity status, meaning they publish what's happening. I am cynical, but worry the child won't see a penny of it

[AbbeyRoadCrossing]

Anyone can set up a go fund me for anything. To be a registered charity is a complex process and you'd need a charitable aim e.g. helping all bereaved children in the UK.

It's up to people if they want to donate but I'd urge caution with donating to people you don't know. There were many threads on here about the couple with the premature baby in New York who spent the money on themselves after their insurance paid out.

I'm not saying this family are doing that by the way at all. Just in general if you give a fiver to a person (not a charity) they can do what they like with it

[elderflowerlemonade]

Not everybody can get life insurance incidentally.

[CalmYoBadSelf]

I am amazed at some of the requests for fundraising I see like "help us fund the wedding we want" and even those asking for money for people who chose not to have proper travel insurance then blame everybody else when things go wrong. How does anybody know this child will need funds in the future?

Personally I would never donate to anything like this unless I knew the family well, you have only to look at the controversy that has followed the fundraising for the family who had a prem baby in NY to see how much can go wrong. In a nutshell funds were raised, apparently for expenses which it then transpired were paid by insurance company, then donation was promised to Ronald McDonald House but the amount donated has never been revealed leading a lot of posters on the FB page to feel it was a scam. That suspicion could tarnish the parents and, sadly, the child for a long time

[MagpieCursedTea]

I got turned down for life insurance with a note from the company saying it was due to my long term health condition with lots of stats about how I'd die young. I do what I can to ensure my family will be provided for if the worst should happen, but can't guarantee that. I don't think it's fair to judge someone for not having life insurance when you don't know their circumstances.

[elderflowerlemonade]

Exactly magpie.

A lot of people are simply unable to get it! Then, if they die, they get judged about how irresponsible they are

[crumblybiscuits]

This exact situation has happened in my hometown this week, I gave as the woman was well known in the community. If you don't want to give, don't. I don't think it's really something to complain about or speak out against. Not everyone is well off enough to afford life insurance.

[AnotherGirlsParadise]

I looked into life insurance, and was automatically dismissed due to having bipolar disorder - apparently, I'm 'high risk'.

I'm still really hurt about it now. All I wanted to do was provide for my family.

[Spartak]

Someone has started a page for the lad who survived in Tunisia - sadly his brother, uncle and grandfather all died. They were Walsall fans and it's doing the rounds on various supporters pages of different clubs.

I'm not quite sure what the point of it is, the person who started it, while probably well meaning, doesn't appear to be connected to them and I'm not sure a few quid for a new x-box or whatever is going to heal the lasting trauma for the lad. Plus, there's the tax implication for the person who set up the site - he's going to donate every penny to the boy apparently - so does that mean he's paying the income tax due out of his own pocket?

[MidniteScribbler]

I have decided not to donate to causes that are not managed by a recognised charities. It's becoming too much (google donor fatigue). Every man and his dog (literally) are expecting the public to fund themselves now (yes, literally, I had someone on my facebook begging for donations to get her from the US to show her dog at Crufts!).

[CalmYoBadSelf]

I have just had one asking for crowdfunding for Greece! It says if everyone in the Eurozone paid in we could bail them out, people are paying with no guarantees of where this money is actually going

[itsmeitscathy]

I agreed until you got to the life insurance bit. at 21 getting any form of insurance for my health became impossible - I just have to hope for the best and rely on work group insurance schemes. life insurance isn't always a choice - as pps have said, so many people can't get it.