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To ask for your tips for the terrible ones?

(23 Posts)
morelikeguidelines Mon 22-Jun-15 07:52:46

Blatant posting for traffic, apologies.

Ds is 16 months. He is a really good, easy child as they go, so shouldn't be complaining.

However he is is a one year old and there are things I'm finding hard, partly because I have a bad/ weak back.

1. He is into everything. We can't gate the bottom of our staircase as it goes round a corner, although he now rarely goes for the stairs. He is forever climbing onto tables (low ones) or anything else he can manage. You know the kind of stuff. Any tips for keeping toddlers safe without breaking my back forever bending to stop him? And to get on with other stuff occasionally? Even at swings it is hard as he tries to climb the big climbing frames!

2. For when he annoys his sister (she is 6 which is why I have forgotten everything!). Do people allow their younger dcs to be forever grabbing the stuff the older ones are using or do you spend your whole life pulling them away and finding a distraction? He doesn't have all that much language yet, just a few words although I know he understands more.

3. The beginning of toddler tantrums. Refusal to sit in his chair, plus learning to get out of the straps so as to stand up. Screaming at the back door to be allowed out to see the guinea pigs when it's not convenient to go with him. General toddler shouting to do the stuff he wants to do but can't.

Any tips?

Sounds from post as though I need a parenting course as I don't know anything! I have ways of coping like everyone but can always have someone else there or spend whole time out of the house/ in the smart trike.

I have a dh who is very involved and happy to field toddler when he's there etc so I can concentrate on bigger one or whatever, but obviously we each need to be be able to cope alone.

We had a gate in the middle of the stairs so he could climb but not get too far up. We made ours because standard ones didn't fit.

Travel crib was mostly used for storing stuff we didn't want him to get ahold of, including older sibling at times or lego models that were precious.

reins for highchair, not the built in strap. Harder for houdinis.

We let him climb for the most part. Furniture was screwed to walls in his bedroom which is where he would go if I needed to use the toilet or make a phone call or anything without 100% attention. He turned into a gifted athlete and I think his endeavours at a young age helped.

Screaming and tantruming, sometimes turning away and letting them get on with it, sometimes distraction. We had high interest toys like the TV remote or an old cell phone which he normally didn't get to play with that I could pull out very occasionally for the big guns distraction technique. "No we aren't going to see the guinea pigs... wow, look at that Daddy left the remote"

Oh and we spend a lot of time busy at that age. Well fed and mostly tired (not exhausted) toddlers are a blessing for tired mummies.

We also watched bewitched every afternoon. It was the only TV he had. We sat in my bed and often he would either glaze over or fall asleep pretty quickly.

elderflowerlemonade Mon 22-Jun-15 08:04:40

There are 7 years between mine. DS is 8. His sister is 1.

I am so glad of this as she grabs everything of his! He is a true stoic and puts up with it admirably!

Tanith Mon 22-Jun-15 08:13:29

I'd also teach your daughter how to deal with him:
"You can't have that, but you can have this instead."
and to keep anything she doesn't want him to have in her room or high up out of reach. Not easy, I know. My climbing DD once climbed onto DS's cabin bed and helped herself to all the chocolates in his advent calendar!

One good tip I got on training was to lay down or sit at toddler height, then survey the room to see what needs moving or covering up. When I did it, the first thing I saw was the flashing light on the DVD player - no wonder they all made a bee-line for it! grin

Don't discourage the climbing; take him to places where it's safe to climb. Soft play is good for the climbers, or a toddler obstacle course in the garden.

Never forget: this phase will quickly pass. Then you'll have another one to deal with grin

morelikeguidelines Mon 22-Jun-15 08:19:39

Thanks. Brilliant tips Self especially putting older one in travel cot.

She is pretty good but sometimes she does need her own space.

Lego is kept on high shelves and she has a step to reach it.

spicyfajitas Mon 22-Jun-15 08:24:49

Firstly, don't label him. Terrible ones? He's exploring. ( this is nothing compared to three ime!) Be present with him. Help him find more acceptable alternatives than his sister's stuff. Gently redirect him. Help her to marvel at his explorations when it's something that does not affect her. It may help her to be more tolerant when you don't get there in time.

Let him climb. Be there to catch. Find lots of things he can climb safely.

If he's screaming, think about whether he really can't do it , or if you can facilitate it. We gave up on highchairs and let one of mine stand on a normal chair. I promise you, she doesn't still stand to eat her food now she's a little older. If you really can't help, or find acceptable to him alternatives, empathise. Sit quietly beside him. Someone once said to me that they try to be the calm eye in the storm. I think it's a good thing to aim for.

morelikeguidelines Mon 22-Jun-15 08:32:44

Oh more tips since I posted, thanks!

Also I meant I can't have some else there all the time or be out!

We do go out alot, including to places where climbing is safe but have to be in sometimes, plus dd needs some quiet time.

Thanks tanith - you have posted some of the things I am doing, so can't be going all that wrong! As said dd is pretty good and does distract him by pretending to really want something else! And the main thing that has been going through my head this time around is that it is only a phase that ends soon enough...

Stinkerbellabumsmella Mon 22-Jun-15 08:51:16

Give little attention to bad behaviours and plenty of positive attention for good behaviours. My DD is 23 months and has been through a lot of "phases" over the last couple of months. It is how they learn and grow.

I think that distraction is the key to defusing screaming tantrums. It's difficult because as much as you try, there is a limit to how much you can reason with a toddler. They can only understand so much and as a result, find it hard to express their feelings and emotions.

explaining things calmly helps too, it's the worst when you're feeling fraught and you've got a relentless tot climbing on to every surface they can reach. He won't understand you at first but he will eventually.

I got a new fridge freezer last week after having a small undercounted fridge for years. I thought great!! DD won't be able to sneak into the fridge and start raiding it anymore. How wrong was I, she had dragged a chair from the kitchen table and set it up against the fridge, opened the door and was sat munching on broccoli!! She played holy hell when I lifted her off the chair and closed the kitchen door, but minimal fuss was made and tantrum was over within two minutes.

morelikeguidelines Mon 22-Jun-15 08:56:57

Spicy - I don't mean he is a terrible one, I mean the "terrible ones" as.opposed to "terrible twos ".

Preciousbane Mon 22-Jun-15 09:04:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Preciousbane Mon 22-Jun-15 09:05:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morelikeguidelines Mon 22-Jun-15 09:25:23

Reading through this I think my main problem is my back tbh.

The main tables I am thinking of are one that is dd's for doing drawing etc and a garden table. I think he would be OK if he fell of the garden one as it's very low. He also stands on chairs alot!

keeptothewhiteline Mon 22-Jun-15 09:31:04

What is the problem with your back?

He sounds like a typical one year old. This is a supervisory problem not a behavioural one.

morelikeguidelines Mon 22-Jun-15 09:42:30

I know he is a typical one year old! That is the whole.premise of my post. I say he is a good/ easy child. I'm asking for tips as to best ways of coping with a one year old.

That's a silly post imo keep to.

Not sure of the name of the back problem. It is very painful to bend, carry heavy objects or stand still for more than a short time. I have been to osteopath several.times over past few years which helps but it's expensive.

MummyPig24 Mon 22-Jun-15 09:52:11

I have a 15 month old, a 5 year old and a 7 year old. The big two are very good at sharing with him but I encourage them to give him something else if he is intent on having something they are using.

As for climbing, he isn't much of a climber but I am trying to teach him how to get down safely and limit opportunities!

I agree the park is actually a bit of a nightmare as he just opens the gate and runs off or tries to climb the big slide. He is obsessed with balls though so if I take on he kicks and throws it for ages. He can also use a mini micro scooter and will happily scoot about on it for a while.

We have a gate on our living room which is totally safe so if I need to get something done without him underfoot I shut him in the living room. He is also a guinea pig fan and often terrorises our poor piggies (and cat). Usually the little tikes car distracts him:

I fully sympathise. He is go, go, go from 5am. I just try and do anything to make my life easier!

EponasWildDaughter Mon 22-Jun-15 09:52:18

I try to try and make life as easy for me as poss. ie: child proof the main rooms, while trying to maintain a rough veneer of normality for my own sanity grin

Everyones house and toddler are unique to them, but here's my methods.

When DD was first into climbing onto the sofas i let her do it - but chucked the cushions (or an old douvet) from the sofas onto the floor there in case she fell off and let her get on with it. Once she got good at getting down safely (teach feet first; slide on tummy to get down) i stopped bothering with the cushions.

I took away anything she could climb on which would have been really dodgy - ie: small glass coffee tables, and replaced them with 2 of our quite heavy wooden dining room chairs. They were too high for her to climb on and much steadier for leaning/cruising. They didn't make such an interesting sound when she bashed them with her toys either!

Ornaments - we put everything precious away and left out our wooden stuff out. We still say no if she goes for it, but if she does grab it when we're not around it's not the end of the world (ie: i can leave the room and know she's safe).

Try not to say 'no' to often. Restrict it to major stuff like banging the TV screen and touching hot drinks, etc. and be consistent with the ones you choose. Too many constant ''NO's'' all day end up as white noise in toddlers ears and they just stop listening.

Distraction and replacing 'naughty' things for 'allowed' things every time helps i find. ie: 'You cant have that - but WOW have THIS!''

Keep some WOW toys or objects that they can play with put away till you need a real distraction or a few moments to yourself. If ALL their toys are out ALL the time they get fed up with them quickly.

And finally - every stage passes eventually flowers

morelikeguidelines Mon 22-Jun-15 10:02:23

Funnily enough mummypig he doesn't open the gate to get out of the play park - dd used to do this but o had forgotten.

Thanks to you and eponas lots of good ideas, and also quite a consensus of ideas.

keeptothewhiteline Mon 22-Jun-15 10:07:52

Having any coffee table with a 1 year old around is a bad idea.

CoffeeAndBiscuitsPlease Mon 22-Jun-15 10:17:50

We have a gate on the living room door instead so LO can't get to the stairs, is that not an option?

morelikeguidelines Mon 22-Jun-15 10:27:32

Gate on the door sounds very sensible - thanks to all who have suggested this!

morelikeguidelines Mon 22-Jun-15 10:38:50

Gate on living room door could be a plan. Thanks.

Oh also DS's nursery was big enough to put an armchair in. So we spent much of our day there instead of the living room. That way everything was safe and less to distract from.

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