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AIBU to be angry when people tell me I 'haven't met the right person yet'? (A bit long, sorry)

(10 Posts)
cookiec Sat 13-Jun-15 12:43:25

Hi everyone. I'm Cookie, and I'm new round here. Nice to meet you all smile

Just wondering, as a person who's in her late twenties and has been single for almost ten years, AIBU to be angry when people tell me I 'just haven't met the right person yet'?

I identify as asexual (I'm not really attracted to either gender), but when I was younger, I was sure those feelings would come eventually. They never did. I had boyfriends, mostly to 'fit in', but I got nothing out of relationships/physical contact. I don't want to date anyone, kiss anyone, marry anyone etc. I just don't have that desire in me.

But since opening up to people about my asexuality, I've had a lot of support, but a lot of people tell me I just 'haven't met the right guy yet'. It makes me a bit angry, as I feel they're trying to invalidate my orientation.

On the one hand, I get that people care about me, and trying to support something they probs don't understand very much, and they don't want me to 'close any doors', but on the other hand, I think, people would never tell a straight woman that she 'just hasn't met the right woman yet'.

I'm probably overreacting, but I find it a bit insensitive (I AM quite a sensitive person anyway, I know). But when they say this, I feel like, they think I'm making it up b/c I'm a bit bored, and am passing time whilst waiting for a guy.

I'd just (grudgingly) come to terms with who I was, and was starting to own it and feel positive, and then people are like, 'Wait till a man comes along, then you'll change your mind and feel completely different'. But I don't know if AIBU to get irritated?

magimedi Sat 13-Jun-15 13:31:29

People find it very hard to understand that some people are happy to be single, for whatever reason. Others love to have things organised/pigeon holed.

I can totally see why it irritates you, but I'd just laugh & change the conversation.

Aridane Sat 13-Jun-15 16:56:46

No - YANBU. Imagine if you came out as gay only to be told you just hadn't met the right man yet...

Perhaps asexuality is the poor relation of sexual orientation, as it were...

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 13-Jun-15 17:04:13

People spend most of their time inside their own heads. If they are generally nice and worth being around, you may decide it's worth explaining.

Shodan Sat 13-Jun-15 17:15:17


There is nothing more irritating than people suggesting that you don't know your own mind. And a lot of people don't have the imagination to understand something that is beyond their own experience.

Either do what magimedi suggests or, personally, I think I'd opt for a teenagery eyeroll and 'Whatever'. wink

cookiec Sat 13-Jun-15 18:24:18

Ah, thanks guys for the support. I know I'm naturally a bit sensitivite anyway (my Ma is always telling me so), but it did get my back up a little. I think maybe I'll just do what's been suggested and say 'whatever' or change the topic.

Or work on a light-hearted, snappy one-liner...

AmIthatHot Sat 13-Jun-15 18:59:51


That type of comment usually comes from someone who is in a relationship.

I'd go for the slightly bemused grin, and then change the subject

CaptainAnkles Sat 13-Jun-15 19:02:38

People just like to think that they know better. Because if it ever did happen, they'd be able to feel smug and say 'I told you so.', and if it never does, they can convince themselves that you're still just waiting for it to happen.

PeppermintCrayon Sun 14-Jun-15 01:02:34

God, how condescending of them.

Try: "I wonder why this bothers you so much?"

travertine Sun 14-Jun-15 01:07:04

Actually I have met the right person and it's me. You could then add 'sod off and mind your own business' of course.

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