To be annoyed with my df

[kyrie182]

So I've invited my dad mum brother and sister for dinner on fathers day. They've said they'd come but only if they can invite my dB's gf.... Everyone hates her but thinks the sun shines our of my dB's arse.... I invited her to nye meal the other year and she didn't open her mouth once (not even hey or please and thankyous) Is it being unreasonable to retract the offer and tell them to stuff it and let my wonder boy db dictate the day?

[mommy2ash]

Depends on why you hate her

[QuiteLikely5]

Maybe she didn't open her mouth because she knows you all hate her!

I'd be the same tbh.

[chairmeoh]

I think it would be a bit off to retract the offer.
But equally I don't see why you should entertain someone behaving so rudely.
Isn't there a compromise? Ask DB to mention to his GF that you felt uncomfortable and that she should make a better effort to join in?
Although she might feel a bit more comfortable in your family's company now than she did 18 months ago.

[kyrie182]

The thing is my db is still living at home hes in his mid twenties (real mommys boy)and has his first job finally so she stays by every weekend. We dislike her for her rudeness and the fact that she passes her child around willy nilly so she can sit in my brothers bedroom every weekend. Its not like I haven't tried to communicate with her it just seems like talking to a brick wall! And it hurts that my df would say that if I don't invite her then nobody will turn up, do I need to cave and accept the gf or stick to my guns and have a family that make remarks and comments on why I didn't make an effort this father's day. I know it sounds petty but it was my D's idea and he's well in on the cooking side of things!

[kyrie182]

Perhaps hate was a strong word... I'm a plan in advance kind of person so currently stressed!

[NRomanoff]

I don't like my sil. However I would expect her to be involved in plans for Father's Day, if they included my brother. And yes my parents think dbro is wonderful too.

She is your dbros partner and it wouldn't be right to exclude her. Got to admit I no longer make plans that include them, but it does mean I do less with my parents. On Mother's Day, Father's Day and mum and dads birthdays I suck it up.

[yahyahbubblegah]

From the info you've given, YABU. The only circumstances where that wouldn't be the case, I think, is if she'd done something truly heinous! But, if she's your db's gf, then really I think you need to accept that family is family. I wonder how you'd feel if a bf's family tried to bar you from family events.

My only other thought is how long you think she'll be around. Is she a passing fancy or could she be a SiL in due course?

[fourchetteoff]

Will your DP be there too OP?

If he/she is, then I don't see why your DB shouldn't have GF there.
It all sounds very unwelcoming though and you don't sound like you like your DB very much at all...

[kyrie182]

Dh will be there. My dp's have always favoured my db because he was the last to leave home. I think its pretty crap that my df would say he isn't coming because I haven't invited my dB's gf. All or nothing was the expression used. I just feel like I'm kissing arse to be able to spend time with my dad on fathers day

[BluebeardsSidekick]

Why would you want a rude, uncommunicative person in your home?

Why would you allow anyone to tell you who to invite to your home?

Why would you allow anyone to blackmail you by saying they won't come if a rude person isn't invited?

YANBU. The choice is all or nothing so nothing will do very nicely.

[Theycallmemellowjello]

YABU - of course you can't invite your brother without his partner. And you dislike her for "the fact that she passes her child around willy nilly so she can sit in [your] brothers bedroom every weekend" I'm not surprised she doesn't like talking to any of you!