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Am I doing the right thing re travel or should I go to please ILs?

(19 Posts)
KindergartenKop Sun 31-May-15 16:27:45

PILs were born in another country and then came to the UK where they met and had dh. Today fil was skyping a relative in birth country. Relative asked if our dcs would be joining pils on an upcoming trip to birth country. Fil said 'No, they won't be allowed'. I was in the room. It sounded like he's a bit pissed off that dh and I won't allow it.

Are our reasons unreasonable?
1. It's a bloody hot country, dcs and I have fair skin and dislike the heat.
2. Dcs are 3 and 5months and it's an 8 hrs flight.
3. I don't want to spend 2 weeks with my in laws and extended family. I like them, just not loads.
4. One part of the country where we would visit is unsafe according to the foreign office. There have been several terrorist attacks on westerners and western ways of life. The holiday home isn't very secure and I'd have to watch the dcs like a hawk.
5. Fil thinks it's totally safe and is a bit arrogant in the fact that he's a 'local', despite having left the country 40yrs ago. I fear this attitude might gets into sticky situations.

If I was your dil would you think I'm U?

museumum Sun 31-May-15 16:30:48

I wouldn't take them at that age as they're too young to understand/benefit from the trip. If I were you I'd save the money to take them a good number of times between the ages of 5 and 15 to understand their heritage.

YouTheCat Sun 31-May-15 16:31:06

Let him think you're unreasonable.

I'd not want to go either.

Sconejamcream Sun 31-May-15 16:31:13

They probably think yabu but they are the dicks. Yanbu.

Gymbob Sun 31-May-15 16:35:37

Without even entering into the debate of the country and how safe it is, an 8 hour flight is too long for a 3 year old and a 5 month old.

I'd just use that as the excuse, so hopefully FIL won't feel offended at you insulting (as he sees it), the country of his birth.

Good luck

ollieplimsoles Sun 31-May-15 16:39:13

Flight too long, safety issues in country, I wouldn't take them.

Spadequeen Sun 31-May-15 16:41:11

I wouldn't go if your fil was being a pa dick bout it. If he has a problem, he should talk to you and your dh about it.

If you have valid reasons, don't go, wait til the kids are older and it will be a proper break. If the relatives are so desperate to see you, why don't they come to see you?

What does your dh say?

KindergartenKop Sun 31-May-15 16:43:51

Yeah, as long as it's safe I plan to go in 5ish years. Hopefully by then they will understand basic safety instructions.

PotteringAlong Sun 31-May-15 16:45:36

If the foreign office say don't go, definitely don't go!

KindergartenKop Sun 31-May-15 16:45:43

Dh agrees with me. No idea why relatives haven't been over, one of them even works in the travel industry! Maybe it's because the UK is lovely and cold.

FarFromAnyRoad Sun 31-May-15 16:50:08

When you're away from a country for a while and you see it being portrayed in the media as 'dangerous' I quite understand how it can seem that everyone is being hysterical and you KNOW it's not dangerous blah blah. How long is it since FIL has actually spent any amount of time there? Have things changed a lot in that time - because things can and do change in a period of weeks in place and maybe he just doesn't get it? In any event I think YANB at all U - the littlest is very little, you're bound to stand out and the last thing you want is to draw attention to yourselves. Definitely YANBU.

Penfold007 Sun 31-May-15 16:52:47

Were the PILs planning on taking the DCs on their own? Sounds like it from your OP.

bakingaddict Sun 31-May-15 17:00:18

Just don't go, you're the parent and you have the final say in protecting and keeping your children safe. They may huff and puff but let them. I wouldn't allow my children out of the country without me or DH till they were teenagers. FO advice is not to be disregarded especially if it is the Pakistan area you are describing in your post

bobajob Sun 31-May-15 17:08:49

They're too young to get anything out of it at the moment so the positives don't outweigh the possible risks.

KindergartenKop Sun 31-May-15 17:57:15

Fil did spend 6 months there about 3 yrs ago. The funny thing is that when we went there last (pre dcs and pre a lot of the trouble) he was always going on about staying in the house and garden, how we were so naive, making me leave my engagement ring in the UK so we didn't get carjacked for it etc. So he's aware of the danger when it suits him iyswim.

He did ask to take ds1 on his own for Xmas. I said no!

It's not Pakistan but the problems are caused by Islamic extremists. The f o advice to not travel is for a section of the country where the holiday home is located. The extended family live in city which the f o advise not to travel to part of, but the family live in a different district.

TidyDancer Sun 31-May-15 18:06:02

Flight time wouldn't bother me, but then both my DCs have always been good travellers.

The rest would certainly be enough to rule out a trip.

yellowdinosauragain Sun 31-May-15 18:08:35

Yanbu, for the foreign office advice alone there is no way I'd take my children there.

To those of you saying 8 hours is too long a flight for children though that's just ridiculous. If the op thinks it's too long for her family that's one thing given that she knows them and what they'd cope with. But my sister has travelled with her 3 children since they were babies on 24 hour flights with no major problems, at least half the time as the only accompanying adult, so clearly it is possible!

QuietTiger Sun 31-May-15 18:19:21

The FO advice to not travel is for a section of the country where the holiday home is located. The extended family live in city which the FO advise not to travel to part of, but the family live in a different district.

This alone would make me stop the children going. The FO don't give travel warnings just because they feel like it, they do it after thorough assessment of the country and issues affecting it.

PotteringAlong Sun 31-May-15 18:43:04

Apart from anything else, if the FO advice is don't go I'm bit sure your travel insurance would be valid?

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