I'm starting to feel like I've done something terribly wrong as a parent because my children won't do anything constructive voluntarily and cheerfully.
They have to be hassled to do music practice (despite the fact they like music, don't want to give it up, and are making good progress). While they're practising I have to stand over them nagging them to do it properly.
They have to be hassled to do homework (45 minutes once a week), and do it as quickly as possible. They do the bare minimum every time. Every time. That's if they do it at all. If I don't remember to make them do it they won't do it.
Getting them to do any extra work at home is like sawing your leg off with a nail file. I have to make them do some extra work as their writing is really weak.
And it stretches way, way beyond homework. Every day I ask them to put their shoes on the shoe rack, hang their coats up, put their bags on the trunk in the hallway. Every day they don't do it and have to be told again. Sometimes three times. They have to be reminded DAILY to pick their clothes off the floor, DAILY to put their plate in the sink, DAILY to pick their towels off the bathroom floor after a shower. Why? They've got memories like a fecking goldfish.
I'm sick of nagging and pressuring and hassling. What am I doing wrong? DS1 starts secondary this year and he's going to sink like a stone because he seems to have an allergy to homework.
DD is 15 and doing her GCSEs in a few weeks. She does fuck all work at home, and not that much at school. Luckily for her she's clever enough that she's still being predicted some A's and B's despite the almost total lack of homework for her entire time at secondary.
All my friends seem to have industrious little beavers fossicking away at their studies. They say things like 'oh, ds is such a perfectionist I have to stop him after a couple of hours otherwise he'd spend all night on his homework!" And it makes me feel like hurling myself over a cliff.
Please someone tell me that my experience isn't that unusual and my children won't grow up as useless wasters?
AIBU?
ffs my children are so lazy
minifingers · 05/02/2015 17:39
What are the consequences if they don't remember by themselves? Don't nag about homework, if it isn't done there will be sanctions in school. What are their responsibilities? What are their routine chores. Sit down with them and give them jobs. Lay out your expectations and tie them in with rewards (lifts, screen time, pocket money etc) then let them get on with it. It they don't do, they don't get. Simples.
Please don't raise thoughtless, feckless adults 
I don't agree that it is your problem if your teenagers don't do their homework. If they get excluded how will this affect you? It will be their problem not yours.
I think you need to detach a bit and establish boundaries about what directly affects you and what doesn't. So, living in a shithole because they won't clear up (am not judging - mine are the fucking same) does affect you and I agree with PP re the bin bags. It's the only way to make DD tidy. DS will only tidy when I confiscate his PS4. I have also been known to drive off to work with the internet router in the boot of my car if they won't clear up 
The homework/music practice stuff only affects them. They have to learn from their own mistakes, you really shouldn't be running around after them all the time like this. It sounds like you are exhausted and sick of the sound of your own nagging and I don't blame you at all.
Could you sit down with them and tell them straight you will not be nagging them about homework/music etc any more and that you accept they are old enough to be responsible for it themselves. Also explain that there will be XYZ consequences for untidiness (whatever will actually hit them hardest) The you have to stick to it!
Good luck
My DCs are now all over 18. In the past I have turned into a raving fish wife; stayed up all night prompting them to write just a few more lines; written their assignments for them 
; got on first name terms with most of their teachers etc etc.
They are all now doing well. They all got decentish GCSE results God knows how and they have chosen their own career paths. They are still untidy. These days unless they tidy up their mess they don't get fed.
Not getting a Drama GCSE will not be the end of your DDs world.
Chill.
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