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AIBU?

To ask my neighbour to turn it down AGAIN?!

23 replies

Lookingforadvice123 · 04/02/2015 22:14

Recently bought a semi-detached, 70's ex-council house. The walls are obviously quite thin and unfortunately the party wall is on the bedrooms and living room.

Next door are an older couple (not elderly, but older, I would say 75+). Haven't actually seen the lady but spoken to the gent a few times. He's v polite. Unfortunately they have their TV on SO LOUD! It doesn't matter in the day or early evening, as although you can hear it as well as our TV, you can still watch it. The problem is at night time as they go to bed late, it's often still on gone midnight, and DH and I get up very early for work. DH has politely asked them to turn it down in the bedroom after 10-10:30, and when I saw the gent outside his house a week or so later he said he'd gotten headphones to watch it - which I thought was the sweetest thing ever!

Problem is, it's still REALLY loud. I think we've concluded its actually in the living room at night when it's loud, which gives you an idea of how loud it is/how thin the walls might be. I can always hear the gent talking too.

Wibu to put a polite note through the door asking them to turn it down after 10pm? It's not a problem the rest of the time!

OP posts:

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Higheredserf · 04/02/2015 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PopularNamesInclude · 04/02/2015 22:19

Ah, poor neighbours. They just don't hear how loud it is. don't leave a note if they're nice people. Go over with a cake and sit down and explain. I feel for you as it's terrible to have noise when you want to sleep, and tv noise is so intrusive!

Notcontent · 04/02/2015 22:19

Oh, you poor thing - no, you are definitely not being unreasonable. The fact is that when people share walls, they have to be reasonable. I live in a narrow terrace house, so have party walls on both sides of my large bedroom. If one of the neighbours had a tv on the wall and watched it late at night, it would be impossible for me to continue living here...

wheresthelight · 04/02/2015 22:23

if they are losing their hearing they may not realise how loud it is or be able to help it either.

please don't put a note through the door, Don you big girl pants and go and talk to them

Pipbin · 04/02/2015 22:24

They sound like nice people.
Could you go over and leave DH in your house. They turn the TV up to where they like it and then down to the level where it is acceptable in your house. Then make a note of the volume number. They could then keep a note somewhere saying 'volume 25 after 10.30'.

GoooRooo · 04/02/2015 22:32

If they're hard of hearing presumably if they turn it down they can't hear it, so what you're really asking them to do is not watch the telly in their own home after 10pm. Could you not wear ear plugs to bed? It sounds like they're doing their best not to disturb you.

Lookingforadvice123 · 04/02/2015 22:38

I have ordered a bunch of earplugs but don't have much hope for them as I've used them before with past noisy neighbours - they tend to fall out in the night.

I assume they must be hard of hearing as it's so loud. But surely there's a line to be drawn somewhere and I don't think/hope that 10pm on week nights is an unreasonable place to draw the line? You can't realistically expect all neighbours of hard of hearing people to be deafened by their neighbours TV/radio day and night?!

OP posts:

wheresthelight · 04/02/2015 22:50

and you can't expect to demand that people don't go about their lives on their own homes.
I used to live next door to an elderly couple who were almost profoundly deaf and we heard their tv clearly, sometime you just have to suck it up - if it was a screaming baby would you be demanding they gaggesbit after 10pm?

Lookingforadvice123 · 04/02/2015 23:00

That's a bit of a ridiculous statement - what if going about my daily life meant doing a 45 minute insanity dvd every morning at 5am - involving jumping about, the works? Something like that would be unreasonable at that time of morning, when you have neighbours.

A screaming baby is the exception,
theres nothing that can be done about that and it's temporary (you would hope!)

OP posts:

SistersOfPercy · 04/02/2015 23:04

This could have been my mum.

She's going deaf and has a hearing aid but her TV was always loud. This was OK because the old lady next door was equally as deaf so one canceled out the other. Then the old lady died.

New, younger neighbors moved in and although they haven't yet complained I've had to tell mum she needs to turn it down a bit and she now watches with subtitles.

Were your previous home owners elderly? YANBU but it's difficult to deal with. Personally I'd prefer an elderly neighbor who's a bit deaf to someonee with a dog that never shuts up or has constant parties.

Lookingforadvice123 · 04/02/2015 23:15

The previous neighbours were a young couple like us but they were only here 2 years, and I'm now convinced this is why! I agree that it's better than neighbours who have parties all week, but I think I would swap one party a week if I got peace the other 6 nights, as this is every single night.

I like the popping round with a cake idea, I think that's the nicest approach and I have to do something as I'm almost in tears here at the sheer frustration. It's something I'll have to tackle as we've only just bought this house and need to be here a good few years! Both bedrooms are on the party wall so not even an option of moving to the smaller bedroom.

OP posts:

Lookingforadvice123 · 04/02/2015 23:17

Oh and they also have a dog which barks a lot, but this doesn't bother me in the slightest as its not constant or what feels like 2 inches from your head when you desperately need to sleep!

OP posts:

Itsgoingtoreindeer · 04/02/2015 23:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

messalina · 04/02/2015 23:24

I moved house partly because of this. drove me potty. Telly on all day and night really loud. At least get them to ensure TV not right up against your wall and working out what volume to put it at after 10pm is a great idea. I had to work in the evenings every night with deafening soap operas. Every now and then I wld ask her to turn it down but noise always crept up again as she could not tell difference, and she thought because she was a lovely old lady that she had the right to keep her telly on really loud. I would have preferred the occasional gangsta party.

MrsMaker83 · 05/02/2015 06:14

To those suggesting the OP sucks it up and gets on with it, why should she?! She has a right to enjoy her home in peace.

Ok they might be hard of hearing but they should use headphones or accept that after a certain time, it is just not ok.

Screaming babies are no comparison.

wheresthelight · 05/02/2015 06:57

nice to see tolerance of a disability is alive and kicking

PopularNamesInclude · 05/02/2015 07:37

My Dad bought noise cancelling headphones to listen to the tv when the kids and I stay. He also has it on so loud that no one can sleep! You need to go in with some positive suggestions. I love the volume max idea after a certain time, and headphones really do work. They need to be big comfy ones. Good luck!

MrsMaker83 · 05/02/2015 07:59

The op is tolerant, and nicer than most in saying she will put up with it up until she needs to sleep. She has broached the subject with them and it has carried on, i just don't think it is reasonable to be expected to 'suck it up'.

Hard of hearing or not, blaring noise when people are going to bed at night isn't ok

thegreylady · 05/02/2015 08:30

This is so difficult. Dh and I both have hearing problems and we solve the volume problem by using our tv with the subtitles on permanently. This is just enough for us to 'hear' the tv at normal volume without struggling to interpret what is said. I must try those headphones.

Lookingforadvice123 · 05/02/2015 17:13

Thank you everyone for your comments, I wonder how many people who say to suck it up have lived happily in similar circumstances?

Absolutely it's not a problem the rest of the time, we can tolerate that it really is only when we want to sleep on a week night! For the first month or so we were here they seemed to always turn it off around 10:45pm so it wasn't such a problem, knowing you would be able to try to sleep at that time. But since Christmas it's been really late sometimes way past midnight.

We're both going round on Saturday with a cake and big smiles. Im really keen to keep a good relationship with them.

OP posts:

weeblueberry · 05/02/2015 17:26

I'm in a slightly similar situation with our upstairs neighbour. He plays his guitar at all hours of the day and evening and because we live in a ridiculous 70s tenement we can hear every note. The issue is that he has mental health issues that we're really sympathetic to and he's told us the guitar is very much his coping mechanism for his problems.

Last time I was pregnant I went up and chatted to him about it and he was really embarrassed we could hear it all. I explained to him I absolutely didn't want him to stop playing but, at the time time, it was actually stopping me going to sleep at night. He ended up speaking to his landlord and getting some sound proofing installed.

But he's recently had his fireplace taken out and now all the sound is coming straight down the chimney and it's got seriously loud again. I'm pregnant again and tend to be really quite sensitive to noise sadly. I've mentioned it to him again (in a non confrontational way) and he's going to look into putting something around the fireplace. But it's very very difficult because I don't want him to stop using the guitar as his coping mechanism but....I also want to sleep!

It's a really tricky situation when the neighbour is lovely and nice and willing to help but there's really no solution that makes everyone happy. :(

IKnewYou · 05/02/2015 17:40

LookingForAdvice123

I think smile and a cake is a great idea My parents are a bit hard of hearing and it drives me potty when they have the TV on - it's soooo loud.
Unfortunately headphones aren't comfy enough.
When you speak to you Nieghbours you could suggest looking at how they have their TV set up. TVs can have poor speakers and you might be able to suggest external speakers or adjusting the TV so that the noise is more audible to them but I'd not actually louder - ie they might be able to hear low frequencies but not high frequencies so adjusting the sound might help.

The direction of the TV and whether the TV is wall hung or not may also have an impact on how loud it seems to you.

Some TVs have a noise limiting function - I can't remember what it's called but it levels out the volumn. It's great for quietening loud adverts.

Depending on how your visit goes you could also suggest that they use subtitles along with the sound.

Good luck.

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Andrewofgg · 05/02/2015 17:41

nice to see tolerance of a disability is alive and kicking

Sorry wheresthelight but that is uncalled for. You have to show some consideration for neighbours whatever your circumstances. It's like someone blocking a stairwell with a wheelchair and causing a fire hazard. Just not on.

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