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To think this might be emotional abuse?

(10 Posts)
GreenTeaAndSnickers Mon 02-Feb-15 17:08:58

Is it too far to say a partner is emotionally abusive if they act as below. And if anyone has any good articles/books to help me get things clearer in my head, that would be appreciated. I am sorry if I sound thick or if this post offends anyone. I just feel a bit clueless and lacking in conviction.

-cheat on you, shout at you when you voice your suspicions, tell you you're mad and need help
-grovel once they are caught out, beg for forgiveness, promise they will do anything, promise never to lie ever ever again, then change their tone in a matter of days, claim its your fault they cheated (he's blaming my pnd/birth related ptsd and ongoing health issues due to botched labour) and demand you apologise
-lie again and repeat the same deny-attack-grovel routine again. Am waiting for him to start blaming me again.
-also, if they are not violent but once held a hand forcefully over my mouth when I was having a panic attack, screaming and threatening to hurt myself (PTSD related) because he was 'scared' of what I would do to myself

I know I am not in a healthy relationship, but today I suggested a number of people would call him emotionally - if not physically - abusive, which he strongly denied. I know I need to leave - am in the process of that - but trying to get these details clear in my head before I see lawyer etc

GreenTeaAndSnickers Mon 02-Feb-15 17:10:06

Ps pnd and ptsd are medically diagnosed, he has been told this by my psychiatrist and GP

billyokey Mon 02-Feb-15 17:12:09

Yes he is abusive. Please get out as soon as you can. Do you have support?

ApocalypseThen Mon 02-Feb-15 17:16:36

Your instincts are correct. This is abuse. Do not allow yourself to he gaslighted and get away from him as quickly as you can.

TiredButFine Mon 02-Feb-15 17:20:36

If you understand that others would view his behaviour as emotional abuse, then you have your answer. I think that you are feeling unsure because you have been emotionally abused.
Don't try to convince him he has a problem, disengage from him for a while and protect your own wellbeing and it will all become clearer.
You need time and space to heal from PTSD and PND. He is not helping you to do that so put yourself first and leave him to sort his own drama out

Momagain1 Mon 02-Feb-15 17:21:49

Yes. Absolutely.

And restraining you with a hand held forcefully over your mouth sounds like what will seem, in retrospect, to have been the beginning of physical abuse. That is not at all what a reasonable person would do in that situation, even though he has tried to play at off as some sort of instinctive reaction. It is not.

Whatisaweekend Mon 02-Feb-15 17:22:03

Absolute text book emotional abuse! Good luck with your leaving plans flowers

DoJo Mon 02-Feb-15 17:26:02

That's basically a check-list of emotionally abusive behaviour! Glad you are getting out - don't waver and don't let him even get as far as trying to convince you that it's your fault after all!

GreenTeaAndSnickers Mon 02-Feb-15 17:27:58

Sigh. Thank you. It's hard because on the one hand, I can see he is behaving terribly. But on the other hand, he's been a brilliant partner and dad for many years but just hasn't seemed able to handle my issues- I've never suffered from poor MH until now, or PND with other 2 DCs, so this - including his behaviour - is all so out of the blue. How can someone change. I know he is scared and traumatised by me nearly dying in labour and the drama that ensued. We are just so broken. Counselling got us nowhere. But I know it doesn't excuse what has happened

TiredButFine Mon 02-Feb-15 18:21:10

He never used to be emotionally abusive. Things change, people change unfortunately. Don't try and fix it all at once, fix yourself and re-assess the situation later. It's rubbish I know.

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