Background: separated from abusive H 2 years ago, single for 15 m, started dating lovely chap (now bf) via dating website. Been together over8 ms (after chatting online for 4 weeks) He's lovely, been taking it slow, he gets on well with DD. We see each other at weekends and weds nights. I had 6 months counselling to deal with EA and have started counselling again a couple of months ago as I'm making changes in my life... the counselling term is that I'm at a crossroads. DD is happy and settled, just need to work on myself. Last week we touched on the fact that I am having doubts and I can't figure out if it's him or me! My counselor asked me to ponder over whether I thought he was enough for me.
Pros: He's kind, loyal, looks after himself, has nice friends, lovely family (parents divorced and remarried nice people), makes me laugh, share enough interests with each other, happy with his life, creative, works hard in a secure job, non-judgmental, says what he means.
Cons: on the few occasions we've been been drunk together we've argued and he's stormed off (no one has ever reacted to me this way before but I admit I could be to blame), he has no ambition in terms of work and earns a low wage, he has never voted and never will, has no interest in politics, has only lived in one place... as in the same neighbourhood, his response to me telling him I've applied to do a nursing degree was "as long as you don't expect me to support you" which was like a slap in the face and seemed out of character (we don't live together!), he gets defensive really quickly if he's uncomfortable with the conversation or feels even slightly challenged, hasn't been in a serious relationship since he was 26 - he's 33, admits that he doesn't express himself emotionally but says this is due to being a bloke!?
He is such a caring, kind bloke and possesses all the qualities my ex lacked. In fact they are total opposites! Something isn't sitting right even though I've met a great guy. I worry I'm being shallow and nitpicking at his qualities.
AIBU???
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AIBU?
AIBU to think perhaps BF isn't enough for me?
16 replies
BusyHomemaker · 27/01/2015 22:19
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