Dh is away at il's this weekend and I have struggled so much with our two boys - I feel utterly defeated.
What I just can't deal with is the shouting and shrieking they do. It just triggers something in me so that I lose it too and we are all shouting. 
. Ds1 has always been a whiner about doing stuff he doesn't like, but that seems to have morphed into shouting now, and speaking to me so rudely. He is 7, yet seems to think he can speak to me like I'm nothing - and at top volume.
Ds2's specialism is high-pitched shrieking, singing Frozen ridiculously loudly, repeating what is said to him, running around - it's just silly, typical 5 year old stuff. Why can't I deal with it?
I see threads on here with people saying they wouldn't accept such and such from a child, but what do you do when they just don't care what you say? I read one thread where a woman said she had sent her dd to her room for the whole day for something, serving her basic meals up there. I told ds to go to his room today to give us both time to calm down, and he wouldn't stay there for 2 minutes. I feel such a failure and feel they are going to have awful memories of childhood.
They have had a fairly tough time lately in that dh has returned to work after being a sahp, so they have had to adapt to CM etc, but, tbh, they have always been a bit like this. I teach in a fairly tough secondary school with no real difficulties, yet I am defeated by my own under-10s. Btw, their behaviour is perfect at school.
How do people deal with this? It just seems impossible to me.
AIBU?
To think loud, silly behaviour in children is impossible to deal with?
lecce · 24/01/2015 22:06
Not in a bad way, but it's nice to know others have this too 
.
They, especially ds1, love being outdoors, and he will be practising football & cricket for hours. The problems come when, as is inevitable at times, he has to be called away from this.
We haven't been indoors all day, been to swimming and riding (they both do 2/3 activities each, not all at weekend, which they love and have chosen) and it seems to me that half the problem today has been all the coming and going from one thing to another. This has pissed ds1 off, really, but ds2, if we stay in, spends hours doing Frozen-related stuff, which gives me the guilt.
Stupidly, within 5 minutes of the last meltdown just before bed, we sat and looked at an Atlas together and it was great. So they can do outdoors and indoors stuff, it's just me who can't deal well with their trouble with transitions. Ds2 had got down from the dinner table and put Frozen CD back on, loudly. I switched it off and after dinner he had a screaming session that I had pressed 'off' not 'pause'. I lost it with him. I'm sure ds1 did a better job of calming him than I did, yet 10 minutes later everything was fine, but just another shit memory created.
Myotherusername I am so jealous - that seems to be the type of thing others can do that I just can't.
I would always try and call mine away from their activity with food.
They get very absorbed in things they enjoy, but they also get hungry and thirsty.
Preparing something appetising and allowing them to see it is a great way of creating a smooth transition from indoors to outdoors for example.
Personally - I would let DS2 watch Frozen as a way of winding down after physical activity, and use the time to do something with DS1. The only issue would be that he would have to keep the volume under control. If he wants it on very loud I would get his ears/hearing checked. Consider getting him some headphones. It is a phase that he will outgrow - so use it to your advantage.
It's always far worse with your own - they always seem to know how to wind you up!!
It's a good while since mine were little and annoying, but things that sometimes worked were:
Not raising my voice to get them to be quiet. Speak more quietly but firmly, try to lower the general volume level and they often start speaking more quietly.
Not responding to any requests/demands made in a rude/silly/shouty/whiny voice. 'I can't understand you unless you speak to me sensibly'
Anything they are being silly with removed 'If you can;t play sensibly with this, we'll put it away until you are a bit older (The frozen CD might get this treatment !)
Giving them 'important' jobs to occupy them.
getting them out into the fresh air and running them tired.
Try to ignore wind ups - no reaction unless it is dangerous, it is basically attention seeking, only reward sensible behaviour with attention.
And praise, praise, praise sensible behaviour - children always want attention, but they want positive attention more. When I worked with children (some of whom had behavioural problems) I always tried to find something positive to say about their behaviour - even if it is just 'It was very kind when you helped x do y' or 'Youplayed really nicely with x' - so you could talk about how nice it was to look at the maps with them etc.
Start each day with a clean slate - however hard, try not to let yesterdays bad behaviour colour todays interactions.
Good luck - it is very hard wok ,specially when they are close in age, and when you are on your own 
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They have been in the garden since 9am (controversial I know on MN) but I had to call them in as ds1 was yelling at ds2 not to climb over a small fence in his Elsa dress. Why he thinks that's his responsibility, or that they way to deal with it is to shriek at ds2, I don't know. FFS, I don't think I'm that much of a shouter 
. I gave them one more chance not to shout in the garden, and 2 minutes later they were at it again. Apparently, ds2 was annoying ds1 by going up and down the steps from the patio to the lawn, while ds1 wanted the patio gate shut as he was propping his wickets up on it. This is the type of draining argument that happens all the time. I said no more garden, but 5 minutes later they came to me with a solution they had negotiated. They've been out there a good 30 minutes now with no conflict so I can brace myself for shopping (including shoes 
) that's next on our agenda.
Sorry, I know no one wants to read all that, but it has helped me to write it down to get a picture of what actually happens with them!
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