To think that fake modesty is actually worse than openly boasting?

[laylaloulou]

A woman that I know is very slim and beautiful, married to a rich man, has a beautiful child, gorgeous house, etc.

She's nice enough but she does a really annoying type of fake modesty both in person and on Facebook, and it feels as though it's all done to get compliments and attention.

For example she went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago, and posted a photo of herself on Facebook wearing a full length ball gown, having had her hair and make up professionally done too, and it was captioned something like "Having such a scruffy day today, I'll feel really rubbish at this posh wedding looking like this".

When she decorated her living room at Christmas time the caption was something like "cobbled together a few decs for this room. Not brilliant but it'll do" and it was a massive beautiful tree and loads of gorgeous expensive decorations. Of course then cue all the "wow it looks amazing" type comments.

She is like it in person too; lots of talk about having a baby belly, or "feeling scruffy today", or about being embarrassed about her car because it's got a speck of dirt on it (it's a brand new very expensive 4 by 4).

It feels as though she is constantly fishing for compliments, like she can't just plod along normally like the rest of us, she has to have attention and to be told all the time how rich/gorgeous/nicely dressed she is.

AIBU to think that behaving like that is worse than just openly bragging?

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

I agree with you, its a stealth boast and very annoying.

My friend used to pat her flat tummy and say shes fat, errr fuck off love.

[laylaloulou]

That's exactly what the woman I know does too, Tali

She's probably a size 8 at the very most; her stomach is like a washboard!

[TwitterWooooo]

She is insecure.
Maybe here dh is a arsehole and she's hungry all the time, my dsis is a misery, thin yes, but moody because she is starving most of the time.
Appearances can be decieving, those that post on fake-book have something to prove, somewhere.

[TwitterWooooo]

I meant "some people" that post on fake book, of course not all. Sorry.

[MorrisZapp]

I must admit I see a few of these in the style and beauty threads.

'I'm not leaving the house today so I'm just slopping around in Paige skinnies, French Sole ballet flats and a cashmere wrap from Brora. Never mind! Nobody can see me.'

Begs the question what do they wear when they do leave the house. A ballgown?

[laylaloulou]

Hahaha Osmiornica I would so love to write that!!

Morris, yes I have noticed that on the style and beauty threads too. Or people that say they've bought something cheap and cheerful and it's a top for £200 or something.

[WerewolfBarMitzvah]

Ugh that is annoying. Does she think everyone is daft and doesn't see through it.

SIL can be like this so when she does say 'Oh I have to lose the fat' or ' My purse is so heavy from all this money' I just say 'That's a shame' and quickly change the subject. 'Oh is that Janice from Friends over there? No? Sorry'

[kaykayred]

I don't think it's worse than openly boasting, but I think it's just as bad.

Block her posts on facebook so they don't drive you to insanity, and try and ignore her as much as possible out and about.

I think people like this are driven by either some incredibly deep insecurity issues, and feel like they need CONSTANT validation by others, or they really are obnoxious twats but think people will like them more if they put themselves down (even blatantly falsely).

Either one is equally irritating.

My personal hatred is when people quite clearly spend HOURS taking a selfie which is just the right angle, with just the right filters, showing just the right (normally duck faced) expression, and then caption it with something like "Oh god, I look such a MESS after the gym!". Repeat 5 times a day for literally every aspect of their lives.

By contrast, I know one girl who is amazing, posts lots of selfies, but they aren't....fishing. For example, she'll post a picture of herself after the gym, bright red, pulling a ridiculous face, dripping with sweat and the caption will be "Sweat fest, bitches!!".

[MorrisZapp]

I have a very slim friend who was always banging on about how fat she was. Her boyfriend was bored of hearing it and one day said well if it really bothers you, you could go on a diet?

She. Went. Mental.

[HolyTerror]

She sounds monumentally tiresome, OP. Someone who was genuinely insecure about her appearance or interior decoration abilities wouldn't presumably post endless photos on FB, with or without self-deprecating captions, which suggests to me that this is just not-particularly-stealthy boasting.

Mind you, this kind of elaborate self-deprecation is pretty much a standard female bonding ritual in a depressing way. I attend a toddler group where the general conversation involves wails about how fat you are and how slender everyone else is, while patting your elaborately Pilates-toned midriff. I don't do this stuff because it's so bloody boring, and I think it probably makes me look as if I'm arrogantly self-satisfied to people who do.

[capsium]

That is hilarious, she sounds like something of a comedy sketch show. How do you manage to keep a straight face?

[WorraLiberty]

It's insecurity.

And if she has other rich friends, perhaps she genuinely feels looked down on by them.

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

Basically no one can say anything anymore. People get fucked off eoth boasting, fucked of with "fake" modesty and then theres those fucking bitches who hardly say anything

[YoullLikeItNotaLot]

Re the selfies with the filters/lighting etc.

I was out for a meal with SIL & friends a few days ago. One took a group selfie. Then fiddled round on her phone for a few minutes and then said "there, I've posted it", cue everyone checking fb on their phones. I was confused by the delay and said "oh was the connection bad?" and she explained she'd been touching the picture up using the phone's built in tools! So the red eye was gone, fair enough. But she'd also smoothed our skin out! Apparently you can also "slim down" but I think that needed an app (maybe?).

I had absolutely no idea.

might do it myself next time I need a headshot

[HolyTerror]

From what the OP says, I don't think there's a snowball's chance in hell she's 'insecure' in the sense of genuinely worried about her appearance or of being judged harshly by others. She's addicted to praise and attention, but has decided that this is a cleverer way of getting it than shrieking 'Look at MEEEE!' Which is what it essentially is. Should be dealt with kindly but firmly by her close friends refusing to play the game.

[MorrisZapp]

Can filters make you more gorgeous? I'm not sure mine would work that way. Sepia wouldn't suit me :)

[cakedup]

I feel sorry for her. She sounds insecure, self obsessed and unhappy.

Maybe her life will never be perfect enough for her? Maybe she doesn't enjoy the simple small pleasures, like being skint, going into poundland and finding some perfect and amazingly kitsch baubles to put on a tacky but much loved Christmas tree? Or the feeling of sheer luxury when you have a haircut that you can only afford once a year? Or not feeling the pressure to be super model thin but grateful to be fit and healthy, albeit with a slightly podgy tummy that dc love to nestle into?

[dingdongdonna]

YANBU. Winds me right up. Just ignore the idiot.

[MorrisZapp]

Oh and the 'what have you eaten today' threads, they're always fun.

'I've been terrible today! I've eaten two slices of wholemeal toast, an apple and a leftover Malteser from DCs schoolbag. But I'm premenstrual, so I'll eat less tomorrow!'

[TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain]

"Maybe her life will never be perfect enough for her? Maybe she doesn't enjoy the simple small pleasures, like being skint, going into poundland and finding some perfect and amazingly kitsch baubles to put on a tacky but much loved Christmas tree? Or the feeling of sheer luxury when you have a haircut that you can only afford once a year? Or not feeling the pressure to be super model thin but grateful to be fit and healthy, albeit with a slightly podgy tummy that dc love to nestle into?!"

I thought this was lovely caked up.. The haircut thing esp..def my life!

[DoJo]

I think the term to describe this is a Humblebrag